Adventures in Icy weather

So tomorrow evening and into Tuesday morning, there is a Winter Storm expected. Already an alert has been posted. According to a news report I read on Yahoo! news, sleet,freezing rain, and ice are expected with this storm.

This means that I better make sure I'm stocked up tomorrow and get what I need to get done then. If there's ice expected, there is no way I'm setting foot outside my apartment.

Thanks to living in Oklahoma for about 2 years, I've had my share of experiences with ice (and wintry weather in general) and none were very pleasant.

One experience was ironically on the first day of Spring last year. My mom and I were driving back to Oklahoma from New Mexico. Technically we were somewhere between Texas and New Mexico and not yet in Oklahoma when we ran into ice but still. I was driving and lost control of the car on a patch of black ice. We spun out but thankfully neither the car nor my mom and I were hurt. The car hit a snow drift on the side of the road.It was open field and there were no other cars to be seen anywhere.

The other experience happened during January 2009 when I was in Oklahoma at OSU (I might have mentioned it before). It starting sleeting one day and the roads and sidewalks got really icy. I had a class that afternoon and of course, the campus wasn't closed yet but my professor hadn't canceled either, which meant I had to brave the slippery sidewalks to get to class. That was experience. I lived only 2 blocks away from the campus which on a normal day would've taken me about 10 minutes to walk to class. I don't know how long it took me to walk that day. I know I left with plenty of time though but it still felt like forever. I tried to be extremely careful walking because I didn't want to fall. I managed to walk about a block sticking close to the buildings the entire time. Then I got to a crossing and there was nothing to hold on to. I struggled to cross because it was just too slick. I nearly fell twice just trying to cross. I even considered going back and not going to class but I didn't want to have the absence on my record if I could avoid it. I finally managed to get to class safely and without falling but it wasn't fun. To top it off when we were nearly finished with our class, the announcement came that they were closing the campus. Well, my professor had no choice but to let us leave since she had to get back to Tulsa anyway. So I had to make my way back on the icy sidewalks to my apartment. I finally made it back. But after that I told myself I would never go out when it was icy again if I absolutely did not need to. On a more positive note, at least I didn't have to go in to work that evening (I wasn't going to anyway, I would have called in. I didn't want to be driving on those icy roads). My boss had called and told me not to come in due to the bad weather.

So yeah. I've just made the decision to not go outside or anywhere when the roads and sidewalks are icy. It's not worth risking my safety.

High School Memories /Prom

One of my awesome, nerd friends that I recently met IRL just brought an interesting thing up on twitter that made me think. Apparently people are telling her that she needs to go to prom and experience at least one High School party before she graduates. This made me think about my own High School experiences. My senior year, I was hardly even at my high school. I was taking classes for dual credit at my community college and was only taking a few required classes. Because of me not being at my high school that much, I was more isolated. I didn't really know or really care what was going on at my high school. I was focused on finishing up and moving on. However, despite this fact, I still tried to do anything I could that I hadn't before. I wanted to make my Senior Year memorable. I went to the Homecoming Dance,Parade, Game,everything that I could. Half of the time I didn't enjoy it all that much but at least I went. For instance, the Homecoming Football Game. I am not a Football fan at all but I went for the experience and I was happy I did. The same thing when it came to Prom.
Now for Prom, I wasn't entirely that excited about it to begin with, especially when I learned that all my friends had dates and I didn't (not that I wanted one really as evidenced by my previous blog. I just wasn't interested). Still they were my friends and it was something that you get to experience once, so I went. It was nice because my parents helped make the experience more memorable for me. My mom helped me find a dress and she took me to get my hair done and both of them took me for a nice dinner someplace. I appreciate all they did for me and I'm glad they did it so I could experience Prom.

However, the experience wasn't a very cheerful one for me. In fact, it was horrible. I hated it. The music was horrible, my friends were too busy with their dates, I felt awkward being around them anyways since I didn't have a date; just overall the experience wasn't that great. I look back on it now and still feel that is was horrible but in a way I'm glad that I went. At least I got the experience despite the fact that it wasn't very postive.

I do have this to say to High School Seniors (Nerdy ones like I was) regarding things like Prom: Go and experience what you can. Even if it turns out to be horrible and you'd never want to experience it again, at least you can say you experienced it. Your last year of high school should be made memorable. You'll only get to experience it once.

Sorry. I'm not interested.

So something happened a couple of months ago that I would rather not talk about and that I would love to suppress the memory of and just erase it from my mind. It's something that I need to talk about but at the same time I feel I can't. I certainly can't talk about it with my family. Because I'm afraid that they might think I'm not safe where I live anymore or something to that effect. What happened isn't something extremely bad that happened but it still freaked me out and afterwards I felt guilty and that I brought it on myself. However, I know I didn't. Talking to a friend right after it happened helped. It's not so bad to talk about it now which is why I'm writing a blog now, it's just still something I can't talk about with my parents. It's something that got me thinking about.

So the short story is that a few months one of my neighbors tried to come on to me. He came over to check up on me (as a concerned neighbor might do) and we talked for awhile. As he left, he tried to kiss me. Twice! Part of me felt like maybe I brought this on myself. That perhaps I was too naive and felt so lonely, I gave off mixed signals? Who knows? The point is that I'm really not interested in a relationship with him or anyone. Especially not him. I was so shocked and confused and felt so ashamed and such after he did that, that I didn't know what to do. I'm sure I should get professional help and just talk to someone but I haven't yet. I know this sounds terribe to say, but ever since then I've been trying to avoid him. I've seen him but I really don't want to talk to him. I don't wish to be rude though. As a fellow neighbor, I want to be nice but after what occured it's hard for me to know exactly what to do.

It's this event that makes me think about other things like this. People have tried to come on to me. This neighbor isn't the only one. There was also someone during this past summer. The person suggested that if I was interested in it, we could be friends with benefits. It was awkward. I mean, I realize I'm old enough to have relationships but I'm just not interested right now. Right now I'm interested in finishing my degree and getting my life situated and all that before I even think about dating and relationships. Even in high school and when my friends started dating, part of me wanted to date and have a boyfriend but mostly I just didn't want to. I was too focused on graduating and moving on to college. I've been succesful at doing that. I've been succesful at achieving my goals and not letting anyone really distract me from doing that. I'll admit that at times I've thought about what it would be like to have a boyfriend but then I think how much I enjoy not worrying about things like that. Sometimes when I feel lonely I wish I had someone like that. However, I also think about all the problems that come with the territory. I think about some of my ex-friends and classmates. Many of them are now married and/or have kids. Many of them are no longer in college too. I think about how far I've come and what I've accomplished simply by not having someone.
I eventually want to get married and have kids someday but just not right now. I do believe that part of the reason I'm so determined is also because my older brother did everything backwards and I don't want to be like him. He wants me to learn from his mistakes and I have. My brother didn't finish college and instead got married and had a kid. He did up going back to college and finishing his degree but it was harder than if he had done what I'm now doing. I saw that and how hard it was for him. I think that's what motivates me and has motivated me.

I should add an addendem to this whole not-being-interested thing. If there is a guy out there for me, I hope he realizes that my goal right now is to get my career going and that if I happen to meet him prior to my finishing my Master's that he supports me and understands that it's more important for me to finish before we can really have a relationship.
For now, I'm perfectly content just being focused on my goals.

Living in a lonely world...

Sometimes I feel as though moving here to Denton wasn't necessarily the best idea for me. I am now a graduate student taking 8 hrs of classes and all are online. I don't currently have a job or anything. I don't even go to an exercise class or anything. Because of all this, my days are spent mostly inside my apartment attempting to do homework most days and actually doing it other days. Other things about my day include staying up really late at night, doing things on the internet, and as a result getting up late the next day. Most days I don't even leave my apartment except for a brief amount of time. Usually it's to go to Walmart or the library or just to get out and find something for lunch. None of it is very exciting. I don't know if it's because of this that I've become extremely lazy and procrastinate a lot. I have time to finish my homework before it's actually due but yet I still seem to wait until the day it's due to work on it. I don't understand it but I just can't get into a routine regarding my homework. Here I'm almost 2/3rds finished with my first semester of Grad school and I have yet to develop a routine. I think part of the problem is that I don't have any structure in my life at the moment. I don't have any sort of rigorous schedule holding me to do my work at a certain time. To be honest, I know I need a job but I also just haven't really been really putting effort into actually finding one. At first I thought this was all just because I'm burnt out on school. I've been going to school almost nonstop since I got out of high school. I mean, I just graduated in May and here I am again. Sure I've had breaks between classes. This past summer was really my first break from classes and that's only because my degree program is on a strict plan that doesn't offer the classes during the summer. I used to be extremely busy. Semester Y (last fall) was insanely busy and was literally the Semester from Hell (excuse my language please). I had a nervous breakdown at one point and as a result, had to get someone to help me learn to cope with the rest of the semester and it worked. Then came my last semester, Semester Z, which was strictly Student Teaching. That was also busy but not as much as Semester Y. It was the normal teaching stuff: grading papers, writing lesson plans,etc. That sort of thing. Yet throughout both Semester Y and Z, I was also not working. I couldn't. That was one thing my advisor had told me: Don't work during Semester Y because it's nearly impossible. Prior to Semester Y (Semester X), I had been working at the local public library and it began to get too much for me to both work and juggle classes. Yet even though I was busy, I still managed to get my schoolwork finished. I ended up having to quit though because it just got to be too stressful for me. I guess what I'm really needed is a happy medium between insanely busy and near laziness. Don't get me wrong. I still get stressed out with my graduate classes. For instance, I'm writing a blog instead of working on a mid-term paper that's due tomorrow. I'm a little stressed about getting the paper done and also some upcoming projects that are due soon (in about 2 weeks). The difference is that I have time to finish everything before it's due so I don't have to get stressed.
I've also been feeling pretty depressed recently. For the past two weekends, I've driven to see some of my friends in Oklahoma City and we've gone to two awesome concerts at a couple of the libraries. I've had so much fun hanging out with my friends and it's been really awesome. Yet it's also made me think about things. At the wrock show I went to on Sunday, I miracously met someone who is also from Denton. She's a Freshmen at the University of North Texas (my college). I didn't really talk to her much though but still at least I met someone. This got me thinking though. I've been feeling really lonely lately. I realize that I have awesome friends but just not here in Denton with me. It makes me think back to when I first moved to Oklahoma. It took me some time but I sorta made friends in a few of my classes the first semester. I guess I can't really call them friends when I think about it though. I guess I could say they were more just people I got to know through class. There was however, one person that I met and ended up becoming friends with later and that was because she and I were in the same degree plan. Still though, I don't think I actually made any "real" friends my first semester. Once I got into my degree classes my second semester, that's when I actually started making more friends. Then came the Tour de Nerdfighting event in Oklahoma City and I met some people who I later became online friends with and later IRL friends (this is evidenced by the last couple of weekends). I can't say that I don' t have friends because I do. I just don't have any friends here that I can hang out with on a regular basis and such. I should say yet but I don't think that's an accurate description. I don't think I will ever really have friends here. Going back to the fact that my classes are all online, the only time I really see anyone was at the Web Institute at the beginning of the semester and that was only a few days. I met some people and hung out with them but it's been a bit hard to keep a friendship with them when you only saw them a few days and then you don't see them again. You might be lucky enough to have them in other classes and you might end up graduating during the same semester but you don't really know. It's been really hard for me. It's been especially hard to find anyone that's a nerdfighter. Everywhere I've lived, it's been hard: my hometown in New Mexico (pretty sure I'm the only one), at Oklahoma State in Stillwater(there were some but I never found them), and now here in Denton at University of North Texas (or just Denton in general, since there's like 3 colleges here). I'm sure that people are out there, I just haven't found them yet and I really don't know how to find them. It's also been a bit hard to find people that I can relate to. I have no probably being friends with undergrads. It's not a big deal, but I still want at least one friend that can relate to me right now. I guess also because I never really experienced the whole college thing, that isolates me a bit more. I never was in a dorm room and quite honestly never really wanted that experience. I feel as though missing out on these experiences is partly why I'm so lonely now. I could try making friends through my church. However, the church I go to, while I really like it, has very few college students at it. Most of them go to the one on either the UNT or TWU campus which I have yet to actually visit. Plus it's hard for me to go to another campus church when I love and miss the one back at Oklahoma State. I eventually made a lot of friends there and I just liked it.
I wonder if everything that happened back in May could be part of the reason for me being lonely here and everything else. I honestly think I might just need to go talk to someone and get some help. I need something to get me out of this cave of loneliness and laziness I've gotton myself into. Something needs to be done.

Tweet Blogger

So I seem to have become one of those types of people who "Tweet blog" and I don't really know what to do about it. However, this reallt only happens when I get into a rant about something or want to rant about something. Otherwise I just tweet whenever. Yet, I feel that being a Tweet blogger is a bad thing. I feel bad for my followers because they get all my tweets back to back. I could actually blog about it, but usually the rant is quite short to write a real blog about. In fact, if I actually did a blog post everytime I wanted to rant, I'd have way too many blog posts. That's why I think Twitter works for me in this sense. Sure, it's probably not the best way but then what is if not Twitter? For me to send several short tweets about my rant (and it's usually about 5 tweets average at a time) works for me instead of a blog post. Also, I'm not the only person on twitter that does this. I have another friend who goes on tweet rants and ends up tweet blogging. I'm sure there's others. My question then is how do you go about ranting about something when it's usually very brief? Is tweet blogging in that sense a good thing or a bad thing? I mean I don't like tweet spamming my followers when I tweet rant but I don't seem to have a choice. Several long tweets in a short span of time just works better than a long blog post rant IMO. Also, even though they don't necessarily tweet blog, there are some people I follow that tweet frequently. Maybe twitter or someone could look into developing an app or something that creates a blog post from a string of tweets? If there's something like that already, I should probably look into it.

Geek vs Nerd

So obviously my attempts (more like non-attempts) to do BEDA failed completely. I'll admit now that there were plenty of reasons why BEDA simply did not happen for me though I needn't waste any time explaining them. Moving on shall we then?

Today I'm going to talk about a geek vs nerd. Now first of all, this whole thing started because my older brother has been bugging me to go watch Scott Pilgram ever since it came out in theaters. Now I have honestly just not had the time to go watch the movie. Again, not purposely trying to make excuses or anything. However, between the end of summer, moving, getting back to school, and having company, it's the way it's been. Anyway, my brother has been bugging me and bugging me. He thinks that because I'm a "geek" I should go watch the movie and that I will enjoy it. He's even gone so far as to say that until I watch the movie, that I turn in my "Geek Card". However, there is a problem I have with this. First off, I don't consider myself a "geek" at all. To me a "geek" is someone who is into more like video games and more science fiction stuff. Not saying that a "nerd" doesn't also like that stuff but still it's different when it comes to being a "geek" vs. being a "nerd". I honestly consider myself a "nerd". I AM a "nerd". From my personal opinion (and I'm sure I could find people who agree with me) I'm more "nerdy" than "geeky". Thanks to Hank and John Green of the vlogbrothers, I have embraced this about myself and proudly call myself a nerd (NERDFIGHTERS!!). But I still wonder. What is it exactly that defines if you are a "geek" or a "nerd"? I know that there's overlap there. Like I said though, I'm not a "geek". I can't even think of myself as being "geeky". Nerdy yes, geeky no. Reading online definitions don't help much either. Now basing the two on my brother and his family, I could definately say that my older brother is more "geek" than "nerd". Same with my nephew. However, my sister-in-law could almost be half and half. However I think she's more "nerd" (being mainly because she's really smart).

So this is my question to anyone who reads this (which isn't really anybody but me). How do you define a "geek" vs. a "nerd"? What do you define yourself as and why?

BEDA 1: Blog Every Day August... Day 1 FAIL!

So yeah. I completely forgot about the whole Blogging Every Day in August thing and so now I must catch up somehow. Possibly. Probably. I have no clue. Anyway, let's start off with today and see where this blog goes from there. First off, lets start off by saying that I've been pretty busy this summer and so it doesn't surprise me that I forgot about BEDA until like last week on Tuesday, 3 days after I should have been blogging already. So now I'm at least 8 blogs behind schedule. Although I also had a good reason that I couldn't blog too. I'm not trying to make excuses but this is a pretty legitamate reason. I didn't have my laptop at the time. My laptop was at a computer shop being checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with it or anything. I had to use my parents desktop computer in the meantime and while it would have been ok to use it to write my blogs, I really didn't want to do. I prefer my own more.

I don't really have anything too exciting to blog about tonight. Last week was my last week of volunteering with our Space Center Camps (more on that in a catch-up blog) and I haven't really done much else. I'll be leaving to start Grad School (more later on this too) next week and have already started getting things gathered back up and started packing. That's really about it as far as excitement goes today. Between doing some laundry, running some errands, looking up stuff online, and reading, that's it. I'm sorry that my first official post is so boring. I can only hope that my future posts will be more exciting.