Thursday, July 3, 2014

Making a list

So I have a job now. A job I didn't really want and still don't really want. But I have no choice but to take it. It's a long story that I'll have to explain later. 

Anyway, this job has gotten me thinking a lot about jobs in general. Specifically, the types of jobs that I'd be willing to do while looking for my dream job.  I don't know or understand why certain things appeal to me more than others. Some of them don't make sense why I don't like them. It's just the way it is for me. 

Thus, I present to you a list of jobs that would appeal to me: 

Coffee shop barista
Book Sales Associate or just working in a bookstore of some type
Library (obviously)
Summer Camp Aide or Counselor 
After School Aide 
Working with children in a museum or just working in a museum (bonus if it's a science museum)  
Retail shops (specifically Build-a-Bear, Disney Store, or The Lego Store but I'd likely be ok with places like Walgreens) 
Working with household animals in an animal shelter (cats and dogs) or possibly a zoo (feeding the animals)
Working with flowers (Floral shop in a grocery store)
Working in a Frozen Yogurt shop

That's actually a pretty good list. But it's also a difficult list since there aren't exactly a lot of those types of jobs around this area. Still though, these are things that I think I'd be ok with. This list is actually a great improvement for me since it used to be that I couldn't think of anything else I'd want to do other than library. 

So now for the opposite; a list of jobs that just really don't appeal to me whatsoever:

Food service jobs*  (anything regarding this; fast food or restaurants,, although I'd be ok with a froyo or coffee shop)
Bank teller (although I did apply for a couple positions, I'd just rather stay away because I'm not all that great with calculations) 
Clerical work (specifically being a receptionist that has to answer phones; I have anxiety when it comes to answering/talking on the phone). 
TEACHING!!   (This includes substitute teaching. Yet this is the type of job I happen to have gotten. I have a job now as a Pre-K teacher even though I'm not early childhood certified. I didn't really want it and still really don't but I didn't have a choice. I'm just so freaked out about it. I just really don't want it but I can't say no  because it's complicated).
Working in the Deli department of a grocery store or anything similar (Did this already and wouldn't want to do it again at all).

I guess when it comes to jobs, I just want something that won't be too stressful for me. Something that won't overwhelm me too much or stress me out. Stress just isn't helpful for me. I tend to get stressed out fairly easily which in turn makes my anxiety heighten and just adds emotional stress and could send me into a depressive state again. Especially if it's a job I've basically been forced into. Such as this Pre-K job (and believe me, I've been in a panicked state since finding out) and also the Deli job. I already go into the job with negative feelings toward it.  

This Pre-K job is already just overwhelming me and I really don't know what's going on exactly. I'm not really all that excited about it. Everyone else seems more excited about it than I am. Yes, the kids are cute but I still don't want to teach them. This is so far out of my comfort zone. Everyone keeps telling me to give it a try; I might end up liking it. But I know I won't. The teaching aspect is just something that I don't want to do. 

I just keep hoping that something else will come through for me quickly and save me from being stuck in this job. I'm literally taking it a day at a time; a month at a time. I'm still hoping that I'll have found something else by the time my nephew's birthday rolls around on August 7th.