Today, 1 year ago, I graduated from Oklahoma State University. It's hard to believe that it's already been a year. I was thinking about that today and how so much has happened in just a year.
I graduated last May with a Bachelor of Science degree in Elementary Education. At the time I believed that I would be attending Grad school at OSU and wouldn't have to move or anything. However that didn't work out. I ended up not getting into the graduate program there. Things were hectic that week and also very emotional. I officially found out that I wasn't getting into the program that Tuesday the week of graduation. My parents were already on their way down for graduation and I had to tell them that I hadn't gotten into the program. I was going to be coming home for the summer anyway but since I hadn't been accepted into the program, there was no need for me to stay.Therefore, I had to move out of my apartment. It was stressful having to move everything out quickly while at the same time prepare for graduation. I was an emotional wreck that week.
Graduation day arrived and I was excited. My brother had flown into Oklahoma City the day before. I was already moved out of my apartment by Saturday and was staying with my parents at the motel. The day starting off by the 4 of us heading to IHOP for breakfast. Afterwards, we ran a few last minute errands for my pre-Graduation party. We had reserved a room at the Stillwater Community Center for a little party. However, because I didn't actually know many people in Stillwater, there weren't that many people. In fact the party ended up being just family. My aunt and uncle (from my dad's side) came to my graduation. After the party, we went back to to motel and relaxed a bit before getting ready for the ceremony. A few days ago, my mom and I had gone shopping to find a dress for me to wear. Had we had more time instead of having to move me out of my apartment, I'm sure we could have gone to Tulsa or Oklahoma City to find something. As it was, we had to work with the stores we had. But we found a nice dress and some shoes to go with it.
I arrived early to campus for graduation because the College of Education had a little reception for us graduates prior to the ceremony. It was nice seeing some of my friends and classmates and professors. It was both exciting and scary. Hard to believe that the day had finally arrived! I signed in and got my name card and just walked around trying to calm myself down. I also took pictures with my new video camera (It was a graduation present to me from my parents. I had received it quite recently in the mail). After what seemed like forever, it was time for us to line up. My friend Mary Ann and I tried to stay close to each other. Finally the procession over to the Stadium began. It was weird walking across campus for the last time as a student. Once I graduated, I would officially become an alumnus. The waiting in line seemed to last forever but finally we processed into the stadium.
It was incredibly weird walking onto the floor of the stadium knowing that when I left again, I'd be a graduate. Once I had found a seat, I looked around for my family and found them. They waved to me and I waved back. After everyone had filed in, the ceremony officially began. Speakers spoke and everything. Then they started calling us graduates to walk across the stage and receive our diplomas (although not really since they wouldn't be mailed until later). It was exciting to walk across the stage and to shake hands with the associate dean and get my picture taken. I walked carefully back to my seat and waited for everyone else to get their diplomas. After moving our tassels and some finally words, the ceremony was over and we processed back outside. I met up with my family and we headed back to campus to take a few pictures.
When it was all over, my parents and brother and I headed over to Applebee's where we met up with my Uncle and Aunt. We spent quite a few hours just talking. My uncle was telling us stories about my dad's family which was extremely interesting. After that, it was all over.
It was hard to believe then that it was over after working for so long.
At the time last year, I had no idea about my future. I knew I wanted to still go to grad school and get a Master's degree but I didn't know where I would be. Things were uncertain for me back then.
Now a year later, I've finished my first full year of graduate school and have moved to Texas. Things haven't always been easy for me but still, I can't help but be happy at what I've already accomplished. I've finished a year of grad school already and have about a year and a half left. I have (so far) a 4.0 GPA and I hope that I can keep that going. A year ago, I would not have thought I would be where I am now.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Texas Drivers
I'll admit it I'm not the world's greatest driver and I don't try to be. In fact if anything, I'm overly cautious sometimes. My brother even comments sometimes that I drive like an old lady. I'm just not a very confident driver and especially when driving in a bigger city than I'm used to. In fact, I panic sometimes when I'm not sure where I'm going and I'm driving in Dallas.
Texas drivers annoy me. There are just certain things that I can't stand. Being from New Mexico, I'm sure I do things that annoy Texas drivers too. There are 3 things that since moving to Texas, have really bothered me about Texas drivers.
First of all, Texas drivers don't signal when changing lanes! OMG! This annoys me so much. Is using your turn signal a sign of weakness in Texas? It seems like practically all the drivers I've seen while traveling don't signal whenever they change lanes. It's lucky that I'm a pretty defensive driver and can see them but sometimes they come out of nowhere. Now to say I always signal would be lying a bit. I occasionally don't signal but it's usually only when not very many people are behind me. But really, not signaling? Why? Is it like some rule in Texas that when changing lanes on the highway,you don't signal?
Second thing about Texas drivers that annoy me is the fact that they get in the wrong lane when turning! There is a particular intersection back in Denton where this happens at a lot and I always have to be careful when I'm trying to turn. Locust Street is a one way street and turning left onto University Dr. has 2 lanes. One lane only turns left. The other lane turns left or goes straight. I always get into the lane that turns left/goes straight and turn into the far right lane on University Dr. It never fails that someone gets into the lane that only turns left and then when turning they change into the far right lane and usually they turn into one of the strip mall or the CVS pharmacy located right after turning onto University. If you need to turn into one of these areas right after turning, then why didn't you get into the lane that turned into the far right lane to begin with? It just doesn't make sense to me and it's not like it's complicated or anything. I just don't understand it.
The third thing is something that also annoys someone else I know is what is referred to as the "Texas turn". It's when a driver gets out in the middle of an intersection in order to make a turn. Like the other person, I'm also annoyed by this. I just worry that they'll get hit or that I'll hit them or something. The only thing is that I'm short and have a small mid-size car. Sometimes it's a big pickup truck or SUV or another big car that blocks my view so I can't even see sometimes to make my turn.
So yeah. Texas drivers annoy me. Of course I'm also just not used to them yet or even used to driving in a bigger city than my small hometown. Texas drivers aren't the worse drivers I'm sure but I'm sure they're not the best either.
Texas drivers annoy me. There are just certain things that I can't stand. Being from New Mexico, I'm sure I do things that annoy Texas drivers too. There are 3 things that since moving to Texas, have really bothered me about Texas drivers.
First of all, Texas drivers don't signal when changing lanes! OMG! This annoys me so much. Is using your turn signal a sign of weakness in Texas? It seems like practically all the drivers I've seen while traveling don't signal whenever they change lanes. It's lucky that I'm a pretty defensive driver and can see them but sometimes they come out of nowhere. Now to say I always signal would be lying a bit. I occasionally don't signal but it's usually only when not very many people are behind me. But really, not signaling? Why? Is it like some rule in Texas that when changing lanes on the highway,you don't signal?
Second thing about Texas drivers that annoy me is the fact that they get in the wrong lane when turning! There is a particular intersection back in Denton where this happens at a lot and I always have to be careful when I'm trying to turn. Locust Street is a one way street and turning left onto University Dr. has 2 lanes. One lane only turns left. The other lane turns left or goes straight. I always get into the lane that turns left/goes straight and turn into the far right lane on University Dr. It never fails that someone gets into the lane that only turns left and then when turning they change into the far right lane and usually they turn into one of the strip mall or the CVS pharmacy located right after turning onto University. If you need to turn into one of these areas right after turning, then why didn't you get into the lane that turned into the far right lane to begin with? It just doesn't make sense to me and it's not like it's complicated or anything. I just don't understand it.
The third thing is something that also annoys someone else I know is what is referred to as the "Texas turn". It's when a driver gets out in the middle of an intersection in order to make a turn. Like the other person, I'm also annoyed by this. I just worry that they'll get hit or that I'll hit them or something. The only thing is that I'm short and have a small mid-size car. Sometimes it's a big pickup truck or SUV or another big car that blocks my view so I can't even see sometimes to make my turn.
So yeah. Texas drivers annoy me. Of course I'm also just not used to them yet or even used to driving in a bigger city than my small hometown. Texas drivers aren't the worse drivers I'm sure but I'm sure they're not the best either.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Traumatized
I had my last counseling session yesterday. The last of the sessions they offer here. I've made a lot of progress and I've definitely been feeling a lot better. I feel as though I'll be able to continue making progress on my own now despite the fact that I know that it won't be easy. However, there are still issues that need to be worked out. Issues that are better suited for the long term counseling that the center cannot provide. My counselor feels as though it would be extremely helpful for me to find a counselor back home so I can continue counseling over the summer. Especially since I'll be home for 3 months. She feels as though I should look for a counselor that specializes in trauma. The reasoning for this is because I'm still having issues dealing with the event that took place back in November (I posted an entry about it). Basically that event traumatized me and it did. I still break down and all the horrible memories come flooding back in whenever I even think about it.
The event traumatized me so much that it changed me. It changed how I feel about living here in my apartment complex. I really think that given the opportunity, I'd move in a heartbeat. If someone were to offer me an apartment that was cheaper than the one I'm currently living in and also it came with perks such as utilities paid, I'd jump at the chance. Despite the fact, I really hate the thought of having to move everything out of my apartment again. It was such a hassle just moving out of my Oklahoma one and moving into this one that quite honestly it would be easier to just stay put until I finally graduate and start my career. There are things I like about my apartment. I love the fact that it's within walking distance of a library and that it's a nice size. I also like that I have at least one neighbor I can talk to and feel comfortable with.
However, I have to admit that I live in a constant state of fear and anxiety. And it's because of what happened. I try to avoid going outside when I know that person is around and I'm constantly on alert in case they decide to come over and try talking to me. I'm afraid to answer my door right away when someone knocks fearing that it's the person. Everytime I pull into the driveway after being away on the weekend or in the evening, I look to see if the person's car is there and even if the person is outside. If I'm around when the person is, I don't open my window blinds and if I do go outside I spy through them to see if it's safe. All this is simply because I don't want to communicate or even see the person.
What happened traumatized me and I'm still having trouble dealing with it. Obviously this is why I still need counseling. Also, despite the fact that I've improved, I wouldn't say all my problems are fixed. I''ll even admit that there's a good possibility that I might a couple more sessions upon my return back to Denton after the summer in order to help me deal with the transition back.
I do find it interesting how when I mentioned to my parents that my counselor suggested I continue counseling over the summer, they said that they'd been discussing that possibility already. I don't know what to think about this. I guess it's nice that they recognize that I'm have things I need help dealing with. Hopefully I'll be able to find someone back home and continue to get better. If this means that I'll have some long term counseling for awhile even after I get back, then so be it. At least I've recognized that I need help and have started getting that help.
The event traumatized me so much that it changed me. It changed how I feel about living here in my apartment complex. I really think that given the opportunity, I'd move in a heartbeat. If someone were to offer me an apartment that was cheaper than the one I'm currently living in and also it came with perks such as utilities paid, I'd jump at the chance. Despite the fact, I really hate the thought of having to move everything out of my apartment again. It was such a hassle just moving out of my Oklahoma one and moving into this one that quite honestly it would be easier to just stay put until I finally graduate and start my career. There are things I like about my apartment. I love the fact that it's within walking distance of a library and that it's a nice size. I also like that I have at least one neighbor I can talk to and feel comfortable with.
However, I have to admit that I live in a constant state of fear and anxiety. And it's because of what happened. I try to avoid going outside when I know that person is around and I'm constantly on alert in case they decide to come over and try talking to me. I'm afraid to answer my door right away when someone knocks fearing that it's the person. Everytime I pull into the driveway after being away on the weekend or in the evening, I look to see if the person's car is there and even if the person is outside. If I'm around when the person is, I don't open my window blinds and if I do go outside I spy through them to see if it's safe. All this is simply because I don't want to communicate or even see the person.
What happened traumatized me and I'm still having trouble dealing with it. Obviously this is why I still need counseling. Also, despite the fact that I've improved, I wouldn't say all my problems are fixed. I''ll even admit that there's a good possibility that I might a couple more sessions upon my return back to Denton after the summer in order to help me deal with the transition back.
I do find it interesting how when I mentioned to my parents that my counselor suggested I continue counseling over the summer, they said that they'd been discussing that possibility already. I don't know what to think about this. I guess it's nice that they recognize that I'm have things I need help dealing with. Hopefully I'll be able to find someone back home and continue to get better. If this means that I'll have some long term counseling for awhile even after I get back, then so be it. At least I've recognized that I need help and have started getting that help.
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