New Job

So I haven't posted in a while because I've been a bit busy. Or at least I've been busy for the last couple of weeks.

I started a job on the 20th. A job that I really didn't want in the first place. A job that when I found out that I'd gotten resulted in me having a bit of a breakdown. I just couldn't stop crying for very long.  My stomach felt like it was in a permanent knot that I just couldn't seem to get rid of it.

I just really didn't want the job and technically I still don't.  After only a day, I was already dreading going in the next day. I still dread going in every day. That's how much I really can't stand this job.

I'm working in the Deli department of a local grocery store. It's extremely demanding physically which is one of the reasons I didn't want the job in the first place.  At the end of each day, I've been physically sore. My feet have been especially. There hasn't been a day yet where I haven't been in some sort of pain. I'm on my feet the entire time and sometimes I don't even get a break.

The work isn't exactly difficult, just extremely demanding physically. Also it gets overwhelming at times.  As it was, I worked on Christmas Eve and nearly had an anxiety attack. Had I not taken a break when I did, I would have broken down in tears. I felt like I just couldn't do anything right and just really got overwhelmed with everything I needed to get done.

I still feel that way on a regular basis. My stomach is still in a bit of a knot at times. Especially when I'm around my boss. I get extremely nervous although I try not to show it.  My boss is a stickler for rules and things being done a certain way. It gets overwhelming try to make sure everything is done the way he wants.  I often find myself having to really keep it together around him as I could break down in tears at any moment.

Ugh. I'm just trying to make it day to day at this point. I really am just 100% done with this job. This work is beyond exhausting. I feel like I haven't had a proper day's rest in a long time.   Trying to get everything done on time is stressful.  Right now I'm working the grill area and I really don't like it. Part of my job involves cleaning the fryer and I hate it.

But what's worse is that this is only one part of the Deli area. I still have other areas that I'll have to learn and each one has it's own things that need to get done. It's overwhelming to think about and I'm really not looking forward to it.

I desperately want to quit. If only I could. It's complicated.

This whole job thing has really messed up everything. Every day feels like a normal day to me. My weekends are non-existent now.   I don't get to spend much time with my family anymore especially in the evenings. I don't get a chance to eat dinner with them anymore due to my schedule.

I'm so tired and sore when I get home that I don't feel like doing much else. I miss being able to play my video games. I also don't have a lot of time to read anymore.  I hate it.  This job is also so demanding that I don't even have much time to apply and look for other jobs.

I know I need a job so I can earn money and move on with my life but this job? I really can't stand it and I want out ASAP. The amount of work I do for the amount of money I earn, just doesn't seem worth it to me.

I've tried to give this job a chance and I have. I tried to keep an open mind going in despite not wanting it in the first place.  I did and now I'm done. I really don't like it. I'm tired of being tired and sore at the end of the day.

Yes the money is nice and it does keep my mind distracted and occupied. It keeps me from thinking too much. But at what price? This job is also taking a toll on my physically. My lower back and feet are taking the most of it. My hands have been dry and peeling from the gloves and my lips have been extremely chapped.  I'm ready to be done with this job.

I'm hoping that 2014 will be a better year for me. I want to find a job I'll be happy with.  I'm hopeful that a new job comes up for me soon so I can get out of this one.

I want out of this job so much, I'm desperate. Someone else please hire me and soon!!