The Past, The Present, and the Future

I've been thinking a lot about my decisions in the past and present lately. Also a lot about my future. All in regards to my career/college choices.

I want to know if I've made the right choices. That what I've decided is truly what I want to do for the rest of my life. I feel like it is but part of me isn't sure. I guess I've been thinking about this because I'm in the process of picking my last classes for the Summer and Fall 2012 semesters. I'm in Practicum right now and sometimes I wonder if what I'm doing is really what I want to be doing.

I'm just afraid of making the wrong choice again.  I don't want to end up with another useless degree as my Undergrad turned out to be. I don't want to repeat what happened to my brother.

Thinking about my practically useless Undergrad degree and my career/college journey up until now...

When I was little and until about my freshman year of high school, I wanted to be a Dentist. I was fascinated by this field for some reason. Everytime someone would ask me what I wanted to be, I would answer with Dentist.  Even my own Dentist would ask me if I was still planning to take over for him and I would tell him yes.  But then freshman year of high school came and in my English class we were required to research our ideal careers. I didn't like how much schooling was involved and at the time, I didn't think I wanted to be in school that long plus all the higher math that was involved scared me. Math is not my strong area and was concerned about passing all the necessary courses.  So out went that idea.

Then I decided I wanted to be a Scientist of some sort. What type, I did not know. I just really loved Science and wanted to do something with it.  I also really became interested in CSI at the time and was fascinated by stuff going on in the lab. I even wanted some of the real Forensic shows on TV and still found it fascinating. I decided I wanted to be a Forensic Scientist but one that worked in the lab. I didn't want to be the one to work with the dead bodies.  That was what I focused on for awhile. I  wasn't that strong in Chemistry or Math. I enjoyed it for the most part it but wasn't that good in it. I had taken an AP Chemistry class and hadn't done all that  well in it. 

I had even applied for a Science scholarship, given to those going into a Science field, and had received it (one of the only 2 scholarships I received).  It was  about the time I had graduated from High school and was in the beginnings of my first year of college, when my cousin told me about how much Science and Chemistry and  (there it was again) higher Math that was involved. That discussion really broke me.  At this point in my life, I was lost. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. I didn't know what I truly wanted to do. What really made me happy.  I still really loved Science and wanted to do something with it but didn't know what or even which area of science to go into. 

Finally I realized that I really enjoyed libraries and working with children. So I decided to try and be a Children's librarian or even a School Librarian.   There was a program at the university my cousin was a coach at that  he thought I might be interested in. I looked into it and it sounded like a program I was interested in. The problem is that the program required some sort of Education degree or similar.  Which basically meant I would have to go into teaching. I didn't really want to be a teacher but considered it to be the first step to my overall goal. I chose Elementary Education since that was the age of children I thought I'd enjoy working with. I went into the program never intending on being a teacher and I would tell my professors and classmates that. While I did like some classes and aspects of teaching, I also had things I didn't enjoy. One of those things being the actual teaching and most of my field experiences.  By the time I did my student teaching, I knew I didn't ever want to be a teacher. Student teaching pretty much sealed that decision for me.  I don't know if it was partly due to the school I was at (it was a pretty rough school) but I just knew by then that teaching wasn't for me.  Well  I didn't get into the Master's program there like I had intended to. I guess the results from my student teaching experience weren't that positive or something and because of that I wasn't the right "fit" for the Master's program.

That was an emotional experience. So then I found out about the program here at UNT. The Youth Librarianship program of study seemed more like what I was interested in and a better fit for me than the other program would have been. So that's where I'm at now. I tried School Library as one of my classes because I still thought it might be a possibility but it's not for me. School Librarian isn't for me.

Despite how well I'm doing and how I seem to have finally found where I fit in I can't help but think if this is still what I want to do.  I feel like it is but what if I'm wrong?  I've make mistakes before in this sense.  I just don't know anymore.

(This post is getting incredibly long so I'm going to continue in another post.)