Because the other post was already getting too long, I figured I'd try and break it up some.
I'm a somewhat shy person. Ok, maybe that's a bit of an understatement. I'm just shy. Let's say that. I'm not someone who makes friends very easily. I feel awkward in social situations.
I'm not very confident in my abilities either. So really, being a Children's Librarian seems like something that wouldn't necessarily fit my personality since you have to work with the public. Yet, here I am going into it.
I seem to work better with children though. I enjoy children and enjoy reading to them and sharing my love of reading with them. Right now with my Practicum, I've enjoyed it for the most part. I enjoy the reading during Story Time and how much fun it is. Yet, I still feel like I lack some confidence when I'm up in front. I tend to hold back with the singing and such. I still get a bit of nerves at the thought of "performing" on my own. I have to plan and execute a Story Time on my own and I'm already worried about it. However, I feel like all this is mostly me and not necessarily because I'm not doing the right thing. I feel like I still belong.
It does make me think though. I used to be in Drama club , and took Theater in high school and have auditioned for plays. I never actually have been in a full-blown performance but still. I feel like I can "act" in front of people somewhat or at least I was able to back then. Now things are different and I'm wondering when that changed exactly.
Sometimes I can't help but think that if I could go back in time and do it again, I would. But then I don't know what I would've gone for. What degree I would have ended up with. I think if I were to go back I might have gone for more of a General Studies degree but I don't really know.
However, I also think about other things as well. I feel like my life would be so much different. I don't know if I would have ended up at Oklahoma State at all. I don't know if I would've met such wonderful people as my advisor and some of my professors with whom I still keep in contact. I wouldn't have found such a wonderful church community and met such wonderful friends. I wouldn't have met some of my classmates who became my friends through the Elementary Education program. If I'd never have come to Oklahoma State, I don't believe I ever would have met my wonderful nerdfighter friends. I would probably have never met Hank and John Green or ALL CAPS or Skyway Flier or Lauren Fairweather or The Whomping Willows or even Maureen Johnson or Emily (The awesome nerdfighter librarian of the Metropolitan Library system). I wouldn't have gotten to go Go Karting with my friend Travis and MJ and Emily. I don't even know if I would've ended up here in Denton.
My life would just be so much different. It makes me think then, if everything that happened was worth it. I think it was but at the same time part of me wishes I could go back and do it over. If only to actually have a Bachelor's degree I can feel proud of; a degree that I don't feel is useless.
I guess it's because of my insecurities regarding my Bachelor's degree that I feel insecure about my Master's degree. After all I am nearing my completion. I have a couple of classes plus Capstone left and should be graduating in December. Then it's into the real world.
Yet, I'm still not entirely sure if I want to be a Children's Librarian. Part of me wants to be one but part of me also doesn't know. I honestly think it would be fun to work in a hands-on Science museum or something. My love of Science hasn't gone away and this is something that I think would satisfy both my desire to work with children and my love of science. Not only that but I think my library skills would come in handy and (as much as I don't want to believe it) my Elementary Education skills.
What would I be happy doing? Truly happy doing. It would be nice to travel to the future to find out but then again, what if I didn't make the right choices in the present and changed my future.
I just want to be happy with what I end up doing. I want to be able to enjoy what I do for practically the rest of my life. I don't want to regret making the choices that I do.
I guess I won't really know until I try. That's all I can do. Just keep moving forward.
Hopefully everything will work out for me and I'll be happy with my decisions.
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