On being diagnosed with depression

I realize I've been talking about this a lot lately both here and on my writing Tumblr but it's for good reason.After all, this is a big thing to be diagnosed with.

There's a difference between thinking you have something and actually being diagnosed with it. When it's more official, things are different.

I've said time and time again that you shouldn't diagnose yourself and you shouldn't. Yet I have done so a couple times. However, with me, I did some pretty extensive research and looked at a lot of evidence I had before I came to a decision. But even despite all that, I still held out reservation until a medical professional confirmed or denied it for me.

So going back to being diagnosed with depression.For several months now, I've seriously considered the possibility of me having depression and pretty much confirmed it for myself even though no one had really said so.  I already had anxiety issues and have for some time but not depression.

This last semester of grad school was really terrible for me. It wasn't so much the stress from my courses or even the stress from my End of Program exams that was bothering me. It was more the panic of graduating and having to find a job and the possibility of moving again that was really getting to me.

There was just so much for me to handle and I just felt like I couldn't. I was in therapy and it seemed to be helping but sometimes it just felt so long between sessions. I honestly felt like I was slowly getting worse the closer it got to me graduating. The last few sessions, I was really feeling anxious and just really down.  It was horrible.

I was having trouble sleeping and just feeling out of it.  Not really happy. The thought of me having depression came up in my mind. Particularly when my last therapist started asking me questions;.  Questions I just knew were used to diagnose depression. Although, she still didn't diagnose me or say anything to me if she had. 

I knew something was going on with me, even if my therapist wasn't saying anything. I knew something wasn't right. So I researched and pretty much diagnosed myself with depression. There were just far too many symptoms I was dealing with that matched up to be coincidental.

But I didn't really know if it was true depression I was dealing with or just symptoms of it.If that makes any sense.  I just knew something was going on with me mentally that I couldn't really control.

The last couple of months things have really been difficult for me emotionally. I needed help and so I finally found it.  When I met my current therapist, I told her I was dealing with some anxiety and depression issues. She asked me some questions and pretty much confirmed it for me that I did have depression. At our sessions since then, things I've told her just continue to confirm her diagnoses.

It's a huge relief to be officially diagnosed but at the same time it's different. Facing the reality of being diagnosed is much different when you suspect it but not officially diagnosed.

The feelings about it have changed now that I've been officially diagnosed. My life as I know it has changed. Instead of wondering, I now know. I have to adapt to a new normal and learn to adjust to things differently.

Being officially diagnosed isn't going to change who I am though. Well, not in a negative way. It's hopefully going to help me become a better person though. It's going to help me move forward.

But I'm still me and that's not going to change.

Now that I've been diagnosed and am getting the help I need for it, I can get back to "normal'. 

Depression is a serious thing and I encourage anyone that thinks they need help to seek it.Trust me. Things will be much better once you do.