I've been thinking a lot tonight about how perhaps online classes aren't the best fit for me.
Now this sounds a bit strange coming from someone who spends nearly all her time living on the Internet.
It's not so much that online classes are more difficult than face to face classes. They are more difficult in the sense that you have to be more self-disciplined and stay more on top of things since there isn't much interaction like there is with face-to-face classes.
I've taken online classes before when I was both at my community college and at OSU. Online classes aren't new to me.The problem is that I haven't had an entire degree program that is online. The only classes that I could have taken online where the 3 core courses. However, the times didn't work out for me. So I ended up opting for the Web Institute and online. The Web Institute was all day in class sessions at the beginning of the semester. For a few days over the weekend, I would go to class with other students where we were given a basic overview of the projects and class itself and what we would be covering the rest of the semester. It was boring but nice since I did get to interact with some of my classmates. After the Institute the classes continued online for the rest of the semester. Other than those 3 classes, I haven't had any real interaction with my classmates. Sure some of them I've had in other classes and therefore recognize their names but it's not the same.
If you've read any of my blog postings over the past couple of months, you already know this semester has been a struggle for me. I've been wanting more social interaction this semester. I want to have friends here in that I can get together with on the weekend. I really am lonely here and it sucks. This past weekend spent with my friends meant so much to me. It pains me to think I can't have a weekend like that every other weekend or so.
I love the Internet and love my online friends. Yet, I do wish I had IRL friends. Lately, I found myself growing tired of the Internet. I get bored of it. But since I don't really know what else to do, I still do things online. It's almost like it's become the only life I know anymore.
Going back to online classes, I feel as though this relates somewhat. In a discussion with the Children's Librarian this afternoon, it was discussed how she was in one of the last grad students to actually have face-to-face classes for the degree program. After that, classes went online. She had physical classes to attend. Online classes weren't possible because they didn't exist yet.
Now this might make the librarian seem old but really she's not. When you think about it, online classes haven't really been around all that long. But this got me thinking.
While online classes have been great for me in terms of being able to travel home during breaks and still be able to keep up, I can't help but miss the physical human interaction. Perhaps it has been more of a detriment for me taking online classes.
Like I said, I've taken plenty of online classes before so why should it make a difference now? Well, it does because at least with the other online classes I took, I still had at least one or two face-to-face classes. I still had the physical interaction with others. I don't have that anymore. None. All of my classes are online with no chance of physical interaction. That plus the fact that I don't have a job has meant social interaction opportunities are slim to nonexistent. More the latter.
As I've said before too, I don't even need to physically be in Denton. Which is nice for online classes. Yet I have no clue where I should be or much less what I should be doing instead, so here I am in Denton taking online classes and pretty much living in my own world of my apartment, locked away from the real world.
I hadn't really thought about it much before but perhaps I'm just someone that needs a little bit of that physical human interaction. I thought I was quite content living my life online but now I'm not sure anymore. I'm a nerd and therefore am awkward in social situations. This isn't unusual for people like me. Yet it seems to be causing more problems for me than ever before.
I honestly feel that I want the face to face classes. I wish that were an option because I would seriously consider it. I might even consider doing half online and half face to face given that choice. I feel I would be much happier that way. I wouldn't have to give up the Internet entirely but yet I'd get the much needed socializing and interaction. Not to mention that I'd have a reason to at least get out of my apartment more.
Perhaps that is why up until now, things haven't been this difficult for me. The fact that even with the online classes I took, I still had other face to face classes that put me with others and forced me to be sociable. Take all that away from me and I basically turn into a hermit. A lonely hermit struggling to find a way out of her shell but is afraid to.
Truth be told, I feel like the more I live on the Internet, the less sociable I become and the more difficult it becomes to actually be sociable. I feel as though people are less personable. Take my current advisor for instance. With my advisor at OSU, I saw her and got to know her because I had face-to-face communication. Therefore, I developed a relationship with her and that's why I still communicate with her on a regular basis. I had to meet with her every semester in order to get things in order to register and make sure I was on track. Then there were times I just had to talk to someone and she was there for me. It's different now.
I don't know my advisor here hardly at all. I've only talked to her once or twice on the phone and through email. She was one of my professors for some of my online classes and I saw her a couple of times at Web Institute but that's it. I don't know her that well nor do I feel like I can talk to her. After the first semester talking to her, I've pretty much been on my own. Signing up for classes and just going through things on my own. Making sure I have everything planned out. I formed a degree plan with her but that's really it. Nothing else has really happened. I feel as though I'm just a number and not a person to this advisor.
Right now I'm so confused and lost about planning my next semester and I don't know how to even begin getting things planned out. I have to set up an internship/practicum and I have not a clue where to begin. I know I could just talk to someone but I don't really know who to talk to. I guess I could go talk to the general advisor but I don't know. I want to go to the campus but I remember from previous visits how difficult it was to even find someone to talk to. So even though I want the physical interaction, it seems like the whole college is making it extremely difficult. They seem to be pushing me toward more of the online interaction.
I don't know what to think anymore. I almost feel as though the Internet is mainly to blame for my current problems. I feel as though online classes have had a part in me being the way I am right now. Like I haven't had much choice.
Online classes are great but come at the cost of physical human interaction.
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