I seem to be blogging every time I have a counseling session now. Well afterwards I mean. I find that to be pretty interesting.
So
last week at my session, it was discussed how I might want to seek more
long term counseling at the Psychology Clinic. Well, today was my first
appointment; the intake. I'll admit I was nervous because this is
different for me. It's a different experience. It's more involved and
such than the counseling I'm currently in. This is supported by the
amount of paperwork I had to fill out. Lots of information. My
appointment wasn't actually until 11 but because I had a lot of
paperwork to fill out, I had to be at the clinic by 10. Of course, the
buses weren't running on time and I almost didn't make it in time.
A
lot of things were discussed and questions answered. As it was just the
intake appointment, they just wanted to get a basic idea of the
problems I'm having. I'll find out within a week more specifics such as
who my therapist will actually be.
I've noticed that
I'm very emotional in many sessions. I broke down twice today. It was
justifiable for why I did today though. However, I can't help but think
that I'm just an emotional person. At least when it comes to talking
about things. I've broken down almost every single time I've been to a
session this semester. It happened quite a few times last semester as
well. I try to tell myself beforehand that I won't get emotional yet it
still happens. There are a few times where I've managed not to break
down but it doesn't happen very often. It's not just when I've been in
Denton either. When I was in counseling in Oklahoma, I broke down a
couple times there as well. I certainly did in the first few sessions
and then it got better. That doesn't seem to be the case so much this
time.
I'll admit that I'm a bit tired of it. I wish I
could just explain things without getting emotional over them. But then
again, I guess it helps being emotional. Perhaps it explains a lot. I
don't really know.
What I want to know is why I get so
emotional every time? Maybe it's because everything finally catches up
with me and I don't know how else to deal with it or something? Whatever
the reasoning, I just hope one day I can get through a session without
getting too emotional.
Another thing I've discovered
by going to counseling is the fact it seems I keep discovering more and
more things to talk about. It seems as though the more I think and talk
about things, the more problems and things I come up with that relate to
my current situation. It's almost as if every little thing that
bothered me when I was younger or was a problem then, has contributed to
everything going on with me now.
I answered a lot of
questions today and gave a lot of information. Yet, I can't help but
feel as though I'm just barely scratching the surface of my problems. I
feel like it would take days to explain everything that has ever
happened to me that could relate to my current situation. Yet even then,
I don't think I'd get through everything. There are things I know I
should probably have mentioned today but I didn't. Things I didn't think
about until I got done. Things that I've mentioned in some of my blog
posts but never really thought about mentioning in person.
For
instance, I didn't mention about what I thought in 8th grade. I know
that's probably important but I found I couldn't really mention it at
the moment. I mean at some point, I will mention it to them. I'll admit
that I'm a little concerned what bringing this up might mean. Also some
of the other things that occurred when I was younger. For instance,
shoving people because they made me upset. Things like that. Look I know
being a kid is different than being an adult but still.
I
can't help but think of everything going on in my life now and how
little things from when I was younger could relate. How my being an
outcast in my groups of friends could be the reason I don't have many
friends now or how I can't seem to make friends. How I was made fun of
for not fitting in. How I've always seemed to felt like an outsider.
Things like that.
See what I mean? My problem seem to go deeper than I originally thought. Yet it all seems to relate and make sense.
I
know it's just the first session and that I can't explain everything in
one session. I know as time goes on, things will come up and be
discussed. It's just the intake session to get a basic knowledge of
what's going on. I can't expect things to be fixed after just one
session. I understand this. It's going to take time. Who really knows
how long.
Things are a lot more complicated than I originally thought.
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