Questioning my future as a mother

So I'm not even remotely interested at the moment in becoming a mother. I'm not even interested in dating. As I've said numerous times, I'm too focused on getting my Master's degree and starting my career before I ever start dating.

Something today happened that has made me question my future as a mother and really just as possibly a wife as well. Tonight my mom made spaghetti for dinner and my nephew who is extremely extremely picky does not like tomato pieces  in his spaghetti sauce. My mom did the best she could at tried to smash up the pieces and making sure he didn't have any on his plate. Unfortunately she missed one and of course, my nephew found it. He tried to give it to me but I told him to just eat it. It's not going to hurt him to eat just one.  I couldn't help it.  I love my nephew so much but it's so ridiculous how picky he is. 

Apparently I upset him because he wouldn't speak to me or anyone else after that. Which of course, made me feel bad because I feel as though I'm always doing something to make him upset with me. I blamed myself for what happened and as a result, I got upset. If you've been reading some of my blogs, than you know this is sort of been a problem for me. I feel guilty about things even when it's not my fault.  After awhile, my mom talked to my nephew. He was upset because I nag him about things a lot.
I guess I do. It's not like I  try to do it on purpose or anything.  Part of the reason I think I do is because he never really listens to me. In his eyes, I'm a playmate and not an authority figure despite the fact that I'm 10 years older and an adult. Also, now that he's passed me in height, he feels that I'm not really older.

Eventually we worked things out but I can't still help but think about me nagging him. I feel as though if I can't take care of my nephew, how can I expect to ever take care of my own child in the future. As it is, I barely have patience for spending time with Kindergartners. My student teaching showed me that teaching wasn't for me. Yet, I'm still wanting to work with children but in a library setting. That's what I'm working on; a Youth Librarianship degree.   There's certainly conflict regarding this. I mean I like children but I have trouble dealing with discipline and being patient with them. Perhaps this is one reason why I never really babysat when I was in high school. I had certification by the American Cross and everything but never really babysat other than for my nephew and even then it was only ever for a short while. I guess part of me was afraid. I wanted to babysit but just never did.

I realize that people can change when they have children of their own.  However, I fear that I wouldn't be able to. Maybe I'm truly making a mistake going into the children's part of the library (I really don't believe I am though).  As much as I want to someday have children of my own, I wonder sometimes if I would even make a good mother. Who knows? Perhaps I'm destined to work with children but never have my own. I sure hope not.

I have things to work on in the meantime. I hope that I can learn to someday be a good mother like my mom has been to me.