*sigh*
For the past couple of days, I've been feeling really sad about leaving and going back to Denton. I leave on Thursday and I'm not wanting to.
The thing is that I've gotten extremely comfortable being home. I have my family and I enjoy being surrounded by people who love and care about me. I'm not lonely like I am in Denton.
You think by now I would be used to coming home and then leaving again but apparently not. It's always been hard for me to leave my family but I feel as though it's gotten worse since I moved to Denton.
When I lived in Oklahoma, sure it was hard to leave family but it wasn't nearly this bad. I think it's because when I first moved to Oklahoma, I had family to help me out. A cousin of mine worked as a coach for the university and offered me a chance to stay with him the first semester. After that I got my own apartment. I still had family to keep an eye out for me and I would go by his house every once in awhile. Then he moved away when I had a year left in my program. But by then, I was starting to settle in. I had gotton to know people through my classes and through church and things were pretty good. I feel as though I was finally comfortable and happy. But then things happened and sudden my life was thrown into chaos. I had to move suddenly.
Once I got into the program at UNT, we moved my stuff from Oklahoma to Denton. It's only about 4 hours away. This time though, I was completely starting on my own. I didn't know anyone in Denton at all. I still don't know a whole lot of people or have any real friends. With my online classes, it makes it that much harder anyways.
At least when I was in Oklahoma, I had face-to-face classes and therefore, I got to talk to people. Also, the church was more student friendly. They actually had a campus church and Newman center for the college students. The church I found in Denton, while it's nice and everything, it isn't the same. It's not a college church either but the college church isn't that fascinating to me either. The Newman Center is off-campus and the church is shared by other religions. I have not even a clue where on campus the church actually is nor have I ever been.
I have issues when it comes to making friends. Plus I have a bit of social anxiety. Whether that anxiety has increased a lot after what happened or not, I'm not 100% positive, but I'm almost certain that it has. I'm sure it's also because of that incident, that I'm even more reluctant to leave. I'm not wanting to go back to the state of fear that I was living with. Of course, I don't ever know if I'd be ready to go back to that.
I've been told that things are and will be different this semester and it makes me upset. I realize that things have to change and I realize I need to break away and be my own person, that doesn't mean I want it to happen. It's already been hard just thinking about it. I can't help but break down thinking about everything. I just wish it wasn't so hard for me. Part of me can't help but wish I didn't have to be such a grown up at times.
I know that someday I have to grow up and move on. I know I have to get out and meet people and be more social. I have to get out of my comfort zone and be more adventurous. I know this but for some reason I just feel like I can't do it.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Invisible Friend (Updated 8/16 with Addendum)
"If I was invisible, wait, I already am"
This song lyric basically sums up how I'm feeling tonight. I feel invisible, specifically I feel like I'm an invisible friend. Tonight, something happened that just made me feel as though I wasn't important anymore. Like the friendship I had with someone no longer mattered. It's crazy and a bit stupid that I feel this way but I can't seem to help it.
I realize that it's not this person's fault and I'm sorry if I make you feel bad with this blog post. Look, it's really me and not this person. I get that this person is really excited about things and I would be too. The thing is that lately I just feel as though they've gotten too excited to remember that I'm there too. That we were interfriends too. I realize that the other person has been there a lot more for the person, but I'm still here too, waiting and willing to comfort.
The thing is that the person is younger than me and so is the other person. It's hard for me to feel part of their friendship. (Well technically, I'm only really friends with one of them). I'm not blaming them or anything. In fact part of me is happy that at least they became friends. I think the problem is that I'm really just jealous. I'm jealous that I can't have a friendship like they do. I'm jealous that they at least have friends that live close to them. Even if it is ,so far, just each other. I wish I could have that kind of friendship myself.
The thing is they're luckier than me. It took me awhile to find friends that lived close to me when I was an undergrad. They already have each other and they can share in similar experiences more than I can. I'm a graduate student and have experienced so much more than they have. I've already finished my undergraduate degree and they just barely began. My experiences are just so much different. Despite the fact that they both eventually will end up in the same degree program as I'm currently studying, they still seem to have a lot more in common.
I've tried to be friends with them but I end up feeling like a third wheel. It's a feeling that I experienced all too often back in 8th grade and I came to just hate it. I don't want to feel like that. You know the saying "Two's a company and three's a crowd?" That's exactly how I feel. I feel as though I'm intruding. That I don't deserve to be there and that I'm getting shoved aside. It's a terrible feeling. Which is why part of me would rather not have to deal with it. (Although I don't seem to experience this problem when there's 4 people that are good friends? Perhaps because it evens out.)
I think I'm also just a bit overprotective of my friends when it comes to it. I've always struggled to make and keep friends. It's never been easy for me. It's happened so much that when I finally do make friends, I tend to be a bit more attached to them than probably normal. I get so protective that sometimes I get jealous if someone else comes in and starts to be good friends with one of MY friends. It feels as though they are intruding and stealing my friend away from me. I realize I'm being extremely stupid feeling this way.. I know people have a right to make other friends. It's just seems to be harder for me to let that happen and especially to some of my good friends.
There's also this issue that I've had a lot of friends break my trust throughout the years. I think this could be another reason why I'm so overprotective. I feel that the friends I make, I can trust and I'm extremely loyal to them. I feel as though part of that loyalty is lost when they start drifting toward other friends. I feel as though I am a good friend but sometimes I feel as though I'm not good enough. In 8th grade, I had friends that would keep secrets from me because they felt I wasn't worthy or "mature" enough to hear them (in their opinion).
I feel as though I'm a terrible friend to keep my friends from making other friends. I feel terrible for making them feel terrible for spending time with these other friends (I never intended that). It's just me.
Look, I realize I'm not a horrible friend. I know this. I've had friends who've told me I'm not and that has made me feel better. Yet sometimes when things like this get in my mind, I can' t help but feel unworthy.
I shall end this entry with a couple of Tumbr confessions quotes that express how I feel about friends:
" I wish I had friends as close and good and made of awesome as the fiveawesomegirls are" -nerdfighterconfessions *
"I've always wanted a friendship like the Trio's. More than anything"-harrypotterconfessions
*I think I've found some of them though and they are extremely awesome.
Addendum: I assure you this is my problem not anyone else's. I'm not trying to attack anyone personally. I'm sorry if I offended anyone or make it seem as though I'm saying I own you. I don't and I know I don't. You can't own someone. Things have just been difficult for me lately and it reached the point to where I felt I couldn't take anymore. It's simply just things happening at the wrong time for me and being tough to handle. I don't think anyone is trying to spite me or anything. In the end, this is all my problem and no one elses. This isn't the first time this has happened to me. I've experienced this before. This is just me and my thoughts on how I'm feeling about a situation. This is me being honest to myself.
This song lyric basically sums up how I'm feeling tonight. I feel invisible, specifically I feel like I'm an invisible friend. Tonight, something happened that just made me feel as though I wasn't important anymore. Like the friendship I had with someone no longer mattered. It's crazy and a bit stupid that I feel this way but I can't seem to help it.
I realize that it's not this person's fault and I'm sorry if I make you feel bad with this blog post. Look, it's really me and not this person. I get that this person is really excited about things and I would be too. The thing is that lately I just feel as though they've gotten too excited to remember that I'm there too. That we were interfriends too. I realize that the other person has been there a lot more for the person, but I'm still here too, waiting and willing to comfort.
The thing is that the person is younger than me and so is the other person. It's hard for me to feel part of their friendship. (Well technically, I'm only really friends with one of them). I'm not blaming them or anything. In fact part of me is happy that at least they became friends. I think the problem is that I'm really just jealous. I'm jealous that I can't have a friendship like they do. I'm jealous that they at least have friends that live close to them. Even if it is ,so far, just each other. I wish I could have that kind of friendship myself.
The thing is they're luckier than me. It took me awhile to find friends that lived close to me when I was an undergrad. They already have each other and they can share in similar experiences more than I can. I'm a graduate student and have experienced so much more than they have. I've already finished my undergraduate degree and they just barely began. My experiences are just so much different. Despite the fact that they both eventually will end up in the same degree program as I'm currently studying, they still seem to have a lot more in common.
I've tried to be friends with them but I end up feeling like a third wheel. It's a feeling that I experienced all too often back in 8th grade and I came to just hate it. I don't want to feel like that. You know the saying "Two's a company and three's a crowd?" That's exactly how I feel. I feel as though I'm intruding. That I don't deserve to be there and that I'm getting shoved aside. It's a terrible feeling. Which is why part of me would rather not have to deal with it. (Although I don't seem to experience this problem when there's 4 people that are good friends? Perhaps because it evens out.)
I think I'm also just a bit overprotective of my friends when it comes to it. I've always struggled to make and keep friends. It's never been easy for me. It's happened so much that when I finally do make friends, I tend to be a bit more attached to them than probably normal. I get so protective that sometimes I get jealous if someone else comes in and starts to be good friends with one of MY friends. It feels as though they are intruding and stealing my friend away from me. I realize I'm being extremely stupid feeling this way.. I know people have a right to make other friends. It's just seems to be harder for me to let that happen and especially to some of my good friends.
There's also this issue that I've had a lot of friends break my trust throughout the years. I think this could be another reason why I'm so overprotective. I feel that the friends I make, I can trust and I'm extremely loyal to them. I feel as though part of that loyalty is lost when they start drifting toward other friends. I feel as though I am a good friend but sometimes I feel as though I'm not good enough. In 8th grade, I had friends that would keep secrets from me because they felt I wasn't worthy or "mature" enough to hear them (in their opinion).
I feel as though I'm a terrible friend to keep my friends from making other friends. I feel terrible for making them feel terrible for spending time with these other friends (I never intended that). It's just me.
Look, I realize I'm not a horrible friend. I know this. I've had friends who've told me I'm not and that has made me feel better. Yet sometimes when things like this get in my mind, I can' t help but feel unworthy.
I shall end this entry with a couple of Tumbr confessions quotes that express how I feel about friends:
" I wish I had friends as close and good and made of awesome as the fiveawesomegirls are" -nerdfighterconfessions *
"I've always wanted a friendship like the Trio's. More than anything"-harrypotterconfessions
*I think I've found some of them though and they are extremely awesome.
Addendum: I assure you this is my problem not anyone else's. I'm not trying to attack anyone personally. I'm sorry if I offended anyone or make it seem as though I'm saying I own you. I don't and I know I don't. You can't own someone. Things have just been difficult for me lately and it reached the point to where I felt I couldn't take anymore. It's simply just things happening at the wrong time for me and being tough to handle. I don't think anyone is trying to spite me or anything. In the end, this is all my problem and no one elses. This isn't the first time this has happened to me. I've experienced this before. This is just me and my thoughts on how I'm feeling about a situation. This is me being honest to myself.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
RIP Youtube Account
So tonight I received an email and notification regarding a copyright infringement on one of the videos on my old YouTube account. Now I have a strike against both of my accounts. If I get 2 more, both my accounts will be deleted.
The video in question has been online since 2008. I haven't even logged into my other account in months! The other account used to be my primary account a long time ago. It was the account I originally joined YouTube with. But then I created a second account and eventually made that account my primary account. I rarely log into my other account anymore.
The other account was one where I created artist specific music videos. I basically took concert footage and original music video footage, cut them up, added some effects in Windows Movie Maker, and set it all to newer remixes of the original music videos. I even made some videos for songs that never had music videos. I never made the videos for profit or anything. I just did it for fun and others enjoyed them. I always thought that what I was doing was "fair use"especially since I'd seen others doing the same. Apparently I was wrong.
When YouTube really started cracking down on copyright, several of my videos were tagged. However, up until now, none of them were serious. Apparently the third-parties didn't mind what I was doing because my videos were still made available for viewing. Once one of my videos was tagged but then when I went back, the claim or whatever was dropped. Now however, this video has been disabled and a strike on copyright infringement is on both my accounts.
I made the decision tonight to remove all the videos on my other account; removing any chance that another video would get flagged and another strike against me. So that's what I've been doing for the past couple of hours. I had 33 videos up and am now down to 25. This includes a video I made to my subscribers notifying them of what happened. I'm taking screen caps of all the comments and ratings for memories.
It's not really a big deal for me. As I said, I rarely ever log into my other account anymore. I haven't uploaded any new videos in months. I just don't have time to make any new videos anymore since I'm so busy with school. Also since the copyright crackdown, I've just lost motivation. It's not worth it anymore. But still, all the work that went into building up my other account with the subscribers and views and everything is a bit heartbreaking. It was a great account but I think it's time for it to come to an end. I'd rather be safe than sorry by deleting all the videos and essentially cleaning out my account.
For now, I plan to keep the account. I'm not sure if I'll ever use it again but who knows?
RIP "old" YouTube account. It was great while it lasted.
The video in question has been online since 2008. I haven't even logged into my other account in months! The other account used to be my primary account a long time ago. It was the account I originally joined YouTube with. But then I created a second account and eventually made that account my primary account. I rarely log into my other account anymore.
The other account was one where I created artist specific music videos. I basically took concert footage and original music video footage, cut them up, added some effects in Windows Movie Maker, and set it all to newer remixes of the original music videos. I even made some videos for songs that never had music videos. I never made the videos for profit or anything. I just did it for fun and others enjoyed them. I always thought that what I was doing was "fair use"especially since I'd seen others doing the same. Apparently I was wrong.
When YouTube really started cracking down on copyright, several of my videos were tagged. However, up until now, none of them were serious. Apparently the third-parties didn't mind what I was doing because my videos were still made available for viewing. Once one of my videos was tagged but then when I went back, the claim or whatever was dropped. Now however, this video has been disabled and a strike on copyright infringement is on both my accounts.
I made the decision tonight to remove all the videos on my other account; removing any chance that another video would get flagged and another strike against me. So that's what I've been doing for the past couple of hours. I had 33 videos up and am now down to 25. This includes a video I made to my subscribers notifying them of what happened. I'm taking screen caps of all the comments and ratings for memories.
It's not really a big deal for me. As I said, I rarely ever log into my other account anymore. I haven't uploaded any new videos in months. I just don't have time to make any new videos anymore since I'm so busy with school. Also since the copyright crackdown, I've just lost motivation. It's not worth it anymore. But still, all the work that went into building up my other account with the subscribers and views and everything is a bit heartbreaking. It was a great account but I think it's time for it to come to an end. I'd rather be safe than sorry by deleting all the videos and essentially cleaning out my account.
For now, I plan to keep the account. I'm not sure if I'll ever use it again but who knows?
RIP "old" YouTube account. It was great while it lasted.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Lack of School Spirit
So apparently UNT is trying to start a chapter of Harry Potter Alliance. Oddly though, this doesn't excite me nearly as much as it should But it is Harry Potter related and I SHOULD be excited about it. What's wrong with me?!
Quite honestly I just don't feel any loyalty or school spirit toward the University. I don't really understand it. I feel as though it's just a school that I'm going to so I can finish my degree. My master's classes are all online so I have no real need to go to campus. I don't even have really a need to be in Denton. (I'm there to try and have a better opportunity to find a job but no luck yet). Quite honestly, I'm feeling a bit of hatred toward the University and quite honestly toward Denton. I don't really like it there that much.
It's just that I don't know anyone whatsoever there. I know a couple of people now (neighbors and public library staff). But otherwise no one really friendwise. There's no one I can really talk to. I'm lonely. I knew part of this all is my doing. Actually most of it is. I don't know what's wrong with me.
I know things happened since moving to Denton that have had an impact on me. Things that have possibly made things worse for me.
I feel as though I'm unhappy with my life in Denton but don't know how to fix it. I return to my own apartment on the 18th. I'm not ready to. I don't want to go back to the loneliness. I just really don't want to be unhappy anymore but don't really know how to begin fixing it.
I've already been told by my parents that things will be different this semester. Things are going to be emotionally challenging for me. I know such things have to happen in order for me to grow up but I just don't know.
I just want to know why it's so hard for me. Why I feel so bitter and such hatred toward Denton (I don't really) . I just want to make sense of it all.
Quite honestly I just don't feel any loyalty or school spirit toward the University. I don't really understand it. I feel as though it's just a school that I'm going to so I can finish my degree. My master's classes are all online so I have no real need to go to campus. I don't even have really a need to be in Denton. (I'm there to try and have a better opportunity to find a job but no luck yet). Quite honestly, I'm feeling a bit of hatred toward the University and quite honestly toward Denton. I don't really like it there that much.
It's just that I don't know anyone whatsoever there. I know a couple of people now (neighbors and public library staff). But otherwise no one really friendwise. There's no one I can really talk to. I'm lonely. I knew part of this all is my doing. Actually most of it is. I don't know what's wrong with me.
I know things happened since moving to Denton that have had an impact on me. Things that have possibly made things worse for me.
I feel as though I'm unhappy with my life in Denton but don't know how to fix it. I return to my own apartment on the 18th. I'm not ready to. I don't want to go back to the loneliness. I just really don't want to be unhappy anymore but don't really know how to begin fixing it.
I've already been told by my parents that things will be different this semester. Things are going to be emotionally challenging for me. I know such things have to happen in order for me to grow up but I just don't know.
I just want to know why it's so hard for me. Why I feel so bitter and such hatred toward Denton (I don't really) . I just want to make sense of it all.
Friday, August 5, 2011
More Harry Potter!
"Everything is Harry Potter and everything hurts"
This week my hometown public library showed all the Harry Potter films that are out on DVD. I was unable to go on Monday due to my having an eye doctor appointment but I went for the rest of the week.
I didn't actually stay for all the movies or for even most of a movie except for Goblet of Fire. I'd already watched most of the films in a pre-final movie marathon and therefore I didn't really need to watch all of them again. (Though to be quite honest, I still haven't watched all of 5, 6, and 7.1 yet this summer).
The main reason I went was because of the trivia contest that was going on. I had gone to the library on Tuesday just to pick up some books. The library staff know I'm a HUGE Harry Potter fan and at first I had been told I wouldn't be allowed to participate since it was only for kids. However, they changed the rules and I was allowed to participate (although I told them they really shouldn't let me participate).
The trivia questions weren't all easy and in fact to be quite honest, I had to go locate some of the books to double check some of the answers. The thing is though, I knew exactly which book and where in the book I needed to look in order to find the answer. So technically I don't feel as though I was cheating. Some of the questions that stumped me were: "What is Severus Snape's mother's first name?" "How many secret passages are there out of Hogwarts, including those that are now blocked?" (I was unsure about the number on this one) "How many questions were on Lockhart's first quiz?" and "What year was dragon breeding outlawed ?"(this one I had to ask someone else for the answer because I absolutely did not know!). Bonus questions were to name the Patronuses for certain characters. The ones that I couldn't remember were : Ernie McMillan and Cho Chang. Now that I know/found all the answers for all the questions I struggled with though, I know I won't forget them. Just some more facts to add to my knowledge of Harry Potter.
So because I got the majority of the trivia sheets correct, I won prizes. (except for Monday since I couldn't be there although I did answer the trivia sheet for that day). I won a Time Turner Sticker Kit and a Harry Potter Sticker Kit, a Harry Potter Poster book and awesome bookmark, and two bobbleheads: Harry and Hermione.
I really didn't care a lot about the prizes or if I won. I mainly just wanted to test myself to see how much Harry Potter information I actually knew. I'm actually surprised that I know that much. It's not all just the main facts I know either, some of the facts I knew are pretty obscure. It's awesome though!
Really though, I just had an awesome time this week. It's Harry Potter. What more do I have to say!? I loved it!
The magic will never end for me..
This week my hometown public library showed all the Harry Potter films that are out on DVD. I was unable to go on Monday due to my having an eye doctor appointment but I went for the rest of the week.
I didn't actually stay for all the movies or for even most of a movie except for Goblet of Fire. I'd already watched most of the films in a pre-final movie marathon and therefore I didn't really need to watch all of them again. (Though to be quite honest, I still haven't watched all of 5, 6, and 7.1 yet this summer).
The main reason I went was because of the trivia contest that was going on. I had gone to the library on Tuesday just to pick up some books. The library staff know I'm a HUGE Harry Potter fan and at first I had been told I wouldn't be allowed to participate since it was only for kids. However, they changed the rules and I was allowed to participate (although I told them they really shouldn't let me participate).
The trivia questions weren't all easy and in fact to be quite honest, I had to go locate some of the books to double check some of the answers. The thing is though, I knew exactly which book and where in the book I needed to look in order to find the answer. So technically I don't feel as though I was cheating. Some of the questions that stumped me were: "What is Severus Snape's mother's first name?" "How many secret passages are there out of Hogwarts, including those that are now blocked?" (I was unsure about the number on this one) "How many questions were on Lockhart's first quiz?" and "What year was dragon breeding outlawed ?"(this one I had to ask someone else for the answer because I absolutely did not know!). Bonus questions were to name the Patronuses for certain characters. The ones that I couldn't remember were : Ernie McMillan and Cho Chang. Now that I know/found all the answers for all the questions I struggled with though, I know I won't forget them. Just some more facts to add to my knowledge of Harry Potter.
So because I got the majority of the trivia sheets correct, I won prizes. (except for Monday since I couldn't be there although I did answer the trivia sheet for that day). I won a Time Turner Sticker Kit and a Harry Potter Sticker Kit, a Harry Potter Poster book and awesome bookmark, and two bobbleheads: Harry and Hermione.
I really didn't care a lot about the prizes or if I won. I mainly just wanted to test myself to see how much Harry Potter information I actually knew. I'm actually surprised that I know that much. It's not all just the main facts I know either, some of the facts I knew are pretty obscure. It's awesome though!
Really though, I just had an awesome time this week. It's Harry Potter. What more do I have to say!? I loved it!
The magic will never end for me..
Monday, August 1, 2011
Eye problems (and Pottermore!)
So today is the start of Blog Every Day August. I really don't plan on doing it. Especially since I have another blog that I have yet to complete for my summer class and I really haven't started on it yet. It's due on the 12th. Also, I have a storytime that I have to complete by Sunday and I'm having trouble finding someplace to do the storytime. So really I don't have time to actually participate but that doesn't mean that I can't blog. Who knows, I could end up writing everyday but I'm not counting on it.
First item of business on today's list is that I got into Pottermore last night (actually early this morning!)! I'm so excited that I got in! I'm a witch now! YAY!! I can' t wait to see what it's all about. Of course I could've gotten in yesterday. I was just too tired to stay awake and I didn't think the clue would be up that early. So long story short, I missed out getting in on Day 1. Which really bothered me because practically everyone else I knew had gotten in on Day 1 including my brother and sister-in-law. But now I'm in and I'm super happy about it! Last night, I stayed up really late. I was up until at least 2AM waiting with several tabs open on my computer: Pottermore website, the quill Pottermore website, Twitter, Pottermore clue Tumblr, , "pottermore clue" tag tracked on Tumblr, and World Clock of UK time. I was tired and decided to get a little bit of sleep but set my alarm for 3:30AM. It's a good thing I did because the clue appeared at around 3AM. I'd only missed it by about 30minutes. Thanks to the tracked tags, I already knew what the answer was. Due to the high traffic, I couldn't actually get to the clue and just went straight to the answer page to find the quill and start registering. So exciting! I finally got in! I went back to sleep after all the excitement was over since I had an eye doctor's appointment later. I thought it wouldn't be a good idea to be really tired.
That was the other excitement of the day: My eye doctor's appointment. Right now, I'm having trouble seeing properly since they dilated my eyes. so bear with me. I'll be amazed if this blog turns out to have no typos. That'll take talent. My eye doctor is in El Paso and so my dad and I drove over there. I've been having trouble seeing lately. Things seem to shift when I look at them. I've been compensating by either closing my left eye or by putting my hand up to my nose because it seems to help. I've been really having problems since last October but they seem to have gotten worse. My eye doctor is almost always so busy and you have to wait awhile. A lot of waiting is involved.
They run tests and dilate my eyes and then I have to wait some more and then they do more tests. It turns out that my left eye is crossing to the point where prisms won't help anymore. I used to have prisms in my glasses to help with this problem when I had problems in 10th grade but now they wouldn't help. It turns out that I'm going to need eye muscle surgery to correct the problem.
I'm already nervous about the surgery and it's not even officially set yet (the doctor still needs to look at my records). I've had eye surgery before (back when I was little) but I don't remember it. Although, I'm nervous about it, I realize that it needs to be done if I ever want to see properly again. The plan is that I'd have the surgery in December during my winter break and before Christmas. I'm not sure what to expect. I just hope after it's over, I'll be able to see properly again.
That was my excitement of the day. I'm extremely tired now. I think it's a combination of staying up late and lack of sleep plus the drops in my eyes from the eye doctor.For some reason though, I generally am a bit tired after an eye doctor's appointment. A bit weird but true.
Hope this didn't bore you too much.
First item of business on today's list is that I got into Pottermore last night (actually early this morning!)! I'm so excited that I got in! I'm a witch now! YAY!! I can' t wait to see what it's all about. Of course I could've gotten in yesterday. I was just too tired to stay awake and I didn't think the clue would be up that early. So long story short, I missed out getting in on Day 1. Which really bothered me because practically everyone else I knew had gotten in on Day 1 including my brother and sister-in-law. But now I'm in and I'm super happy about it! Last night, I stayed up really late. I was up until at least 2AM waiting with several tabs open on my computer: Pottermore website, the quill Pottermore website, Twitter, Pottermore clue Tumblr, , "pottermore clue" tag tracked on Tumblr, and World Clock of UK time. I was tired and decided to get a little bit of sleep but set my alarm for 3:30AM. It's a good thing I did because the clue appeared at around 3AM. I'd only missed it by about 30minutes. Thanks to the tracked tags, I already knew what the answer was. Due to the high traffic, I couldn't actually get to the clue and just went straight to the answer page to find the quill and start registering. So exciting! I finally got in! I went back to sleep after all the excitement was over since I had an eye doctor's appointment later. I thought it wouldn't be a good idea to be really tired.
That was the other excitement of the day: My eye doctor's appointment. Right now, I'm having trouble seeing properly since they dilated my eyes. so bear with me. I'll be amazed if this blog turns out to have no typos. That'll take talent. My eye doctor is in El Paso and so my dad and I drove over there. I've been having trouble seeing lately. Things seem to shift when I look at them. I've been compensating by either closing my left eye or by putting my hand up to my nose because it seems to help. I've been really having problems since last October but they seem to have gotten worse. My eye doctor is almost always so busy and you have to wait awhile. A lot of waiting is involved.
They run tests and dilate my eyes and then I have to wait some more and then they do more tests. It turns out that my left eye is crossing to the point where prisms won't help anymore. I used to have prisms in my glasses to help with this problem when I had problems in 10th grade but now they wouldn't help. It turns out that I'm going to need eye muscle surgery to correct the problem.
I'm already nervous about the surgery and it's not even officially set yet (the doctor still needs to look at my records). I've had eye surgery before (back when I was little) but I don't remember it. Although, I'm nervous about it, I realize that it needs to be done if I ever want to see properly again. The plan is that I'd have the surgery in December during my winter break and before Christmas. I'm not sure what to expect. I just hope after it's over, I'll be able to see properly again.
That was my excitement of the day. I'm extremely tired now. I think it's a combination of staying up late and lack of sleep plus the drops in my eyes from the eye doctor.For some reason though, I generally am a bit tired after an eye doctor's appointment. A bit weird but true.
Hope this didn't bore you too much.
Friday, July 22, 2011
My imperfections (at the moment)
Things about me that I don't like and feel that I need to do something about regarding the physical me (since I already knew I have problems mentally/emotionally that I'm working on dealing with).
1. While I'm not exactly overweight, I do feel as though I need to lose a few pounds. I just got back from vacation and I feel as though I've put on a little more weight. Also, just the fact that I'm home has probably added some. I'm usually eat pretty healthily and don't drink a lot of sodas or eat a lot of junk food. In fact, I never really have eaten a lot of junk food and sweets. It's just who I am. I do just need to start cutting back again now that I've returned from vacation.
2. This goes along with eating more healthy foods . I really need to exercise more. I love dance and try to do the Just Dance game on the Wii while I'm home. But I need to do something when I get back to Denton. I've done walking here at home before and I guess I could do that in Denton. I just feel as though I want to do something else. I also have this thing where I would rather work out with a friend. I know I can't rely on someone but I feel as though it would help motivate me and I'd like the companionship. I just need to find something I enjoy and stick with it.
3. This ties in with exercise.: I completely lack upper body strength. I'm just not very strong at all. I've never really been able to do push ups.It hasn't seemed as much of a problem before, but when we were moving me into my apartment in Denton, I struggled to move some of the furniture from the truck inside (of course I was also exhausted and it was really really hot which could have contributed). I probably should do something about it.
4. In addition, I also have really weak stomach muscles. I've never really been able to do sit ups either. I can do a few now but not really that well. I guess both the lack of upper body strength and weak stomach muscles prevented me from doing well in gymnastics back in 2nd grade. I couldn't do the bar at all. I would love for my stomach area to be a bit stronger I guess.
5. Finally (for now), my ongoing skin issues on my face. I hate it! I just want my face to be clear and smooth for once. It seems that it goes away but doesn't last long. I've tried medicines which helped. However, I stopped because the dermatologist I used to go to here in my hometown retired. I'm scheduled to go to another one in another town later next month. I've also got an appointment with one in Denton. All I know is that I'm tired of having acne and my face being oily. I just want to have a clear face and not have to struggle with this.
Those are just some of my imperfections that I'd like to do something about. I'm not saying that I hate who I am or anything. I'm not even trying to be someone I'm not. I just want to feel better about who I am and I want to show that as well.
1. While I'm not exactly overweight, I do feel as though I need to lose a few pounds. I just got back from vacation and I feel as though I've put on a little more weight. Also, just the fact that I'm home has probably added some. I'm usually eat pretty healthily and don't drink a lot of sodas or eat a lot of junk food. In fact, I never really have eaten a lot of junk food and sweets. It's just who I am. I do just need to start cutting back again now that I've returned from vacation.
2. This goes along with eating more healthy foods . I really need to exercise more. I love dance and try to do the Just Dance game on the Wii while I'm home. But I need to do something when I get back to Denton. I've done walking here at home before and I guess I could do that in Denton. I just feel as though I want to do something else. I also have this thing where I would rather work out with a friend. I know I can't rely on someone but I feel as though it would help motivate me and I'd like the companionship. I just need to find something I enjoy and stick with it.
3. This ties in with exercise.: I completely lack upper body strength. I'm just not very strong at all. I've never really been able to do push ups.It hasn't seemed as much of a problem before, but when we were moving me into my apartment in Denton, I struggled to move some of the furniture from the truck inside (of course I was also exhausted and it was really really hot which could have contributed). I probably should do something about it.
4. In addition, I also have really weak stomach muscles. I've never really been able to do sit ups either. I can do a few now but not really that well. I guess both the lack of upper body strength and weak stomach muscles prevented me from doing well in gymnastics back in 2nd grade. I couldn't do the bar at all. I would love for my stomach area to be a bit stronger I guess.
5. Finally (for now), my ongoing skin issues on my face. I hate it! I just want my face to be clear and smooth for once. It seems that it goes away but doesn't last long. I've tried medicines which helped. However, I stopped because the dermatologist I used to go to here in my hometown retired. I'm scheduled to go to another one in another town later next month. I've also got an appointment with one in Denton. All I know is that I'm tired of having acne and my face being oily. I just want to have a clear face and not have to struggle with this.
Those are just some of my imperfections that I'd like to do something about. I'm not saying that I hate who I am or anything. I'm not even trying to be someone I'm not. I just want to feel better about who I am and I want to show that as well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)