I'm moving back home. There's no question about that. I've given my 30 day notice to my realtor and we have plans to move my stuff into storage.
But how long I'm going to be home still remains a mystery. I'm just hoping it's not for very long. I hope I'm able to find a job somewhere and move elsewhere relatively quickly.
I've been thinking a lot about a possible future for me here and it doesn't make want to move home any sooner.
As I mentioned already, there is a job position available at our hometown library for a reference librarian. I've been told to apply and am essentially am being pressured by everyone I know to apply for the job.
It's horrible trying to deal with all this pressure and I just don't want to apply for the job.
But let's say I did apply for the job and let's say I did get the job. I'd basically be back to working at the library where it all began for me. I'd be working with most of the same people. It would be something though. It would give me experience and at least I'd be getting some money.
Still though it would be extremely awkward for me. I'd be one of the youngest full-time staff working at the library for one if not the youngest. Then there's the idea of what some of my duties would be as far as closing is concerned. I'd take a lot of responsibility on with that. From my knowledge of Closing duties as a Library Page, I'd be the one in charge. The role would be reversed for me. I'd be the one reading off the checklist to a Library Page who mostly likely would be much older. Just so awkward.
But let's say I did get the job and ended up being here for some time. My parents basically have told me that they want me to get a job. I have to get some sort of job in the meantime.
If I were to get a job and started making money, they said I wouldn't have to live at home if I wanted to. I could find an apartment somewhere here.
I'd be able to come home as often as I wanted for dinner or to do laundry (if I ended up with an apartment that didn't have it's own washer/dryer).
It sounds great but at the same time, not really. First of all, if I were to do that, it would require us to drive all the way back to Denton and take my stuff out of storage and drive it all the way back.
At least if I were to get my own apartment and we decided to get some of my things.
But then, when the time came to move once again, I'd have to go through the whole thing all over again which at this point, I'm just getting tired of it.
My own apartment here in Alamo close to family. It would be nice and yet not so nice.
For one thing, it would mean coming back to the same place I had grown up. I've been away for 5 years. I've been back during breaks but this time would be different.
Coming back would mean returning to a life that I thought I left. A life where there's not much for me which is why I left.
Returning here and living here, even if I did find an apartment, would mean more than just returning to a familiar place with family.
I'd be returning to a place where I don't really have friends anymore. No one I could hang out with on Friday nights or just go out for lunch on a weekday. There are a few friends from high school and middle school still around that I could get back together with. But I haven't really kept in touch with them in so long. I've basically drifted away from them.
Saying I were to get the job at the library, I already know most of the staff there and there really isn't anyone my age so I wouldn't really have anyone there either.
Then there's the fact that I'd be returning to the same church where I grew up. I don't really have many people my age there either. Actually none that I know of. Sure I know people and they know me but they are all adults. Many who knew me as a child.
Basically returning back home would mean loneliness for me and the ending of life as I know it and I'm not looking forward to it at all. Sure my parents are here and I love them. There's familiar faces here. So much familiarity but it's not enough.
I realize that it took me a long time to find a friend in Denton but I finally found one. I may not have known a lot of people there but I still basically had my own life. I had a chance to meet new people. Sure it wasn't easy for me and sure I was often still far too lonely for my own good but still. And while I didn't really go a lot of places, I at least had more places to go to if I wanted to.
I had my own life. I was trying to make things work. I had found a nice church and at least had found a friend. Now that I'm returning home for who knows how long, I'm going to lose all that. I'm losing opportunities.
I have family but not really any friends. As it is already, I've grown tired and bored. I'm honestly starting to get irritated with my parents. How is it going to be when I'm back home for a lot longer.
Last time I moved back home it wasn't that long. It was only for the summer and luckily enough, I was able to apply and get into a graduate school that quickly. Now I don't know how long I'll be home.
It's nice being home don't get me wrong. I don't have to worry as much about bills and that helps me save money. Same with cooking and food. I don't have to worry about all that.
But at the same time, it means giving up my own life and honestly, I miss that already. It's happening though and in a few more weeks, this will be my life for an undetermined future.
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