Sometimes...

**I’ve noticed how I’ve recently been posting a lot of thoughts on my writing Tumblr and on my regular Tumblr all starting with the word sometimes. So I decided I’d compose all those thoughts including some from other posts into a poem of sorts starting with the most recent.**

Sometimes the emotional pain is just too much to feel anything else.

Sometimes I think I’m more damaged mentally than even I realize.

Sometimes I feel that perhaps I became a librarian 
Because I wanted to do so much with my life ,
and couldn’t decide on just one thing.

Sometimes I curse my OCD tendencies,
But then I guess that’s what makes me good for being a librarian.

Sometimes I wonder what a true college experience is like since I didn’t really have one.

Sometimes it seems as though my writing is all that keeps me from going completely insane.

Sometimes I look at other people’s degree programs,
And think that what they are doing sounds so cool; so exciting.  
Then I look at both of my degree programs 
And think they aren’t all that exciting in comparison.

Sometimes I think the reason I have so many stuffed friends,
Is because I don’t have a lot of real friends.

Sometimes it just seems easier not to say anything.
Mostly because I really don’t know what to say.

Sometimes it just hurts too much.

Sometimes I almost wish I didn’t believe.

Sometimes it’s almost like I wish life didn’t exist. 
Not in a suicidal way 
But mostly that it could just slow down and let me work things out. 

Sometimes I wish someone could just take one look at me
See me as someone who is struggling,
And reach out to me.


Sometimes I still wish we had a landline so that I can call a helpline without worrying that I’d go over our family’s shared minutes.

Sometimes lately, I’ve been wondering what my therapist would say about some of the things I’ve been struggling with.
I wonder what advice she’d give; 
How she’d help me.

Sometimes I wish someone could just tell me when life is supposed to start getting better for me. 
When I can stop feeling this way. 
Stop having to deal with it.
Sometimes it feels as though things will never get better even though I already know they have somewhat.
I’m just tired of trying to make sense of it all;
 Of trying to understand.

Sometimes we all just need a friend. 
Someone who will just listen to your problems even if they can’t help.

Sometimes I wish I had a friend who was a psychologist 
That I could just call up whenever I got in these moods. 
Someone who could explain why I’m feeling this way.

Sometimes I wonder how many people go into Psychology
Because they have been in therapy themselves at some point.

Sometimes it feels as though I’m slowly getting worse despite the fact that I’ve been in therapy.

Sometimes it’s hard not to think I could be a little bipolar,
When I’m so down and crying one minute for no real reason 
And happy (not overly though) the next.

Sometimes it feels as though I’m leading a secret life; 
One that my family knows nothing about.

Sometimes I think I should listen more to what books have to say; 
Certain quotes since it seems as they know more about my life than even I do. 
That they can describe my current life situation better than I can.

Sometimes I wonder if it’ll ever be back together again.

Sometimes it seems almost as if the Internet is a lot friendlier than real life. 
It’s easier to find a friend especially if you’re socially awkward.

Sometimes I fear that I’m frightening everyone with some of the things I say on here. 
That people fear that I will resort to doing something crazy. 
That I make people concerned more than is necessary.

Sometimes I have times where I think about some of my old friends and wonder about them. 
I can’t help but wonder if they ever think about me. 
If they ever think about some of the fun times we used to have.
And smile at the memories.

Sometimes I just really wish I could understand what is my life.

Sometimes I wonder why anyone would look up to me. 
Some of the influences I’ve had on people have resulted in negative effects for them.

Sometimes I just feel so alone. 
Like no one understands. 
Sometimes I kinda hate myself for being who I am.

Sometimes I feel like I let people down. 
People who really care about me.

Sometimes I wonder why I even have a Facebook. 
I hardly talk to anyone on there as it is.

Sometimes it feels that people look at me and think my life is so wonderful. 
That I seem put together. 
That everything is going well.

Sometimes it feels like all the support I have anymore is therapy. 

Sometimes it feels like no one cares about me when I really need them. 

Sometimes the Internet makes me feel guilty about being honest.

Sometimes I just wish I could talk to someone about my thoughts regarding a situation. 
A friend that knows about the situation 
and who would still be my friend even after hearing my thoughts.

Sometimes I wonder just how many people download popular songs for free off the internet despite people trying to prevent such things from happening?

Sometimes even the Internet makes me feel so alone.  

Sometimes I think: What does it mean to be in love?

Sometime I wonder if I’m truly better.
Sometimes I wonder: Will I ever be better?

Sometimes I wish I could just go back in time and forget the Incident ever happened.

Sometimes I feel so alone.