Talking about degrees in yesterday's post got me thinking more about my writing and specifically why I didn't try to pursue it more.
I was looking at some degrees last night and looked at Creative Writing. I honestly wonder why I didn't go into something like that.
I love writing. As a child, I remember making up stories. I had a very active imagination.
My first stories that I remember "writing" were from when I was in kindergarten. My Kindergarten teacher had us create a "Scribble Notebook". Each week she would draw a scribble in the notebook. We were supposed to create a picture with the scribble; turning it into anything we wanted and with the help of our families, create a story to go with the picture. My mom would usually write the story down for me, but I remember telling her what I wanted the story to say. I came up with a variety of stories. I still have some of the pages from the notebook somewhere. I only wish I had all of them.
Of course in Elementary School, we had writing units. We had to write stories which I find to be fun. I was looking through some of my early writings, and found some stories I wrote back in 2nd grade. One was about "The Two Kittens". As school went on, I remember just enjoying writing. I found writing to be fun.
In 4th grade, I won an essay contest for Fire Prevention Week. That same essay won a prize in our School Writing Fair. Then in 5th grade for D.A.R.E. we had to write essays. If our essays were good enough, we would be selected to read them for a local TV station. Mine was one of the ones selected.
As time went on, I continued to write and started writing stories just for fun outside of the classroom. Then in 7th grade, I picked up poetry and started writing more poetry.
For me, writing is a creative outlet. It allows me to express myself. For me writing has also helped me cope with some difficulties in my life. When I discovered poetry, I used poetry as ways of coping with struggles I had in 8th grade; most being struggles I had with my friends.
I honestly feel that it was my poetry and writing ability that got me through that time. If I hadn't had my writing, I honestly think things would've been much worse.
If I loved writing so much, why didn't I try and pursue it in college? I know I considered going into English or Creative Writing at some point. I really don't know why I didn't go after it more.
I remember that when I was younger, I considered becoming an author (in addition to becoming a Dentist). I just really loved writing stories.
I still love to write. In fact, I feel as though once again, writing is saving me. Writing has become a therapy for me.
Perhaps the reason I didn't really pursue it is because I had other interests that I wanted to follow. But also perhaps because I didn't actually know what I would do with such a degree.
When I decided to go for a Master's of Library Science, I was still in the early stages of my college journey. I just knew I wanted to become a Librarian. I remember researching degrees to get for an undergrad. It didn't matter what I chose as an undergrad although to me it seemed a lot of MLS's students went into English type degrees; which makes sense to me.
I remember considering an English degree. I remember that I enjoyed it somewhat and was fairly good at it. I had been pretty good at it in school. But I also remember thinking how maybe not English exactly but going after Creative Writing since I enjoyed writing so much.
I'm not entirely sure what turned me against it. I honestly should have gone for that degree. Honestly, I think I would have enjoyed it a lot more than my Elementary Education degree. I guess what turned me against it was more the fact that I was questioned by family members "What would you do with a degree in Creative Writing?".
I guess really that's what stopped me from going after something that I potentially would've enjoyed going for. It was the idea that I needed to have a degree to fall back on even though I was going to go for a Master's and had made plans to do so.
My intentions for going into Elementary Education were very logical and well-intended. It's not that I didn't enjoy my courses either because I did. Some more then others. But still, I went in not wanting to be a Teacher and came out still not wanting to Teach. It's not that I wasn't smart enough or anything. I passed all the necessary exams and even passed the portfolio submission.
It just wasn't what I truly wanted and still isn't something I want. Thinking back, I honestly feel that I should have listened more to my heart when deciding what to pursue. I listened to too many people telling me to get a degree in something that was sustainable.
Plus there was also the fear that I didn't want to end up like my brother. I didn't want to end up with a degree that I couldn't do much with.
I could've backed out before it was too late. I should have now that I think about it. But I didn't and really, I didn't have much of a chance. By the time I transferred to Oklahoma State, I was almost a College Junior. I ended up having to pick up a semester's worth of credit that were required there that I hadn't taken. The semester after that, I was taking Elementary Education classes.
I had issues my 1st semester of Elementary Education classes already. I should have realized then and backed out but I didn't. Both of my field experiences that semester didn't go that great. I should have used that knowledge and switched to something else.
But even if I had changed majors, I don't even know what I would have switched to at that point. I stuck with it hoping things would improve and they didn't exactly. By the time I wanted to quit; that this wasn't really what I wanted to do it was too late. I was in my last semester and had already been assigned a mentor teacher for Student Teaching. I couldn't really back out. It also just wasn't worth it at that point. I was pretty much done.
Now thinking about it, I would have gladly given up everything and switched majors after that 1st semester of Elementary Education classes. Even if that meant that I would be graduating later than expected.
But I was too focused. I had a goal in mind already and plans to get there no matter what. I basically put up with Elementary Education courses because I felt it was the only way to get to what I really wanted to do. Some of my friends in the program even told me this. They encouraged me and would tell me to just get through the courses and then I'd be free to enjoy the ones for what I really wanted to do. I'd explained to them what I had to do and they understood. Still though, sometimes it seemed like it wasn't worth it.Particularly when it came to a difficult course like both my Math courses. It didn't seem worth it to continue with it.
I know I would break down in tears out of frustration and would feel like giving up. I wanted to give up so much but others wouldn't let me. They kept telling me how far I'd gotten and that I couldn't give up.
If only I hadn't listened. I imagine I could have ended up with a degree in something I truly would have enjoyed. Perhaps I could have used my love of writing to a greater extent.
I could have had a Bachelor's degree in something I could feel proud of. That I could feel wasn't exactly worthless.
Even though I didn't get a Creative Writing degree, I still enjoy writing and plan to continue to write. Writing is really important to me. More so now I think.
I only wish I could have considered it important enough to pursue a degree in it.
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