Original college goals

I can tell you that my original college plans weren't the ones that I have now or am currently working on.

The general going to college and getting a degree were always the plan since I was young. I always knew I wanted to go to college.  I just never  really knew what I wanted or even where I wanted to go.

Ever since I was little, I was fascinated by being a Dentist and for the longest time I thought that I wanted to become one myself. In fact, up until I was a high school freshman I still thought that's what I wanted to do. But then an English research paper assignment on careers changed all that. I researched what was required to be a Dentist and I didn't feel as though I would be able to handle all that. All the Science and Math involved freaked me out. Math wasn't my strongest subject and I didn't think I would be able to handle such advanced courses like Calculus. Also, all the schooling involved. I didn't think I really wanted to be in school that long. 

So I abandoned that career choice and started trying to think of a new one.  I knew I was interested in doing something with Science because I really loved Science but I had no idea what.  I eventually thought I wanted to be some sort of Chemist or something and eventually wanted to be a Forensic Scientist. Yes, part of it was because I really liked CSI and such. But I had also seen the real shows on Discover and was just fascinated by everything. I didn' t really want to be a field agent because I didn't want to deal with the dead bodies (that part just creeped me out too much). I wanted to be one of the lab technicians and stay in the lab. I just found that part fascinating.  That was my new career choice and I stuck with it at least until I was in college. Then a cousin of mine gave me more information about my career choice telling me about all the Chemistry classes and advanced Math courses I'd have to take and how my grades would have to be really really good. Again, the advance Math courses freaked me out. I still wasn't strong in Math and I didn't want to have to struggle through Calculus and such. Also based on the fact that I was in a Pre-AP/ AP Chemistry course and was  already struggling made this choice seem highly unlikely.

So I abandoned that career choice as well. I really didn't know what I wanted to do anymore and was actually pretty depressed. I still thought science was the way I wanted to go but I didn't know what direction to go anymore. The only science I felt I was really really strong in was Earth Science. Fossils, Rocks, and Minerals, that type of thing. Earth Science was such a strong interest of mine. Part of it was probably because of the Magic School Bus computer game I had. Who knows? All I know is I loved to collect rocks and learn about them. I loved the idea of Caverns and Volcanoes. I found all that stuff fascinating. It helped too that I did well in the State Science Olympiad events that dealt with Fossils and Rocks and Minerals.  But when I looked into the career options for such things, there really wasn't much choice and I didn't really know if it was truly what I wanted to do.

The only thing I felt really made me happy anymore was a library. I really loved libraries and I was working in one at the time.  I felt as though I would be happiest being in a library the rest of my life. I mean I really really loved what the children's librarian was doing and I felt that I could be happy doing exactly that. That's when I decided to pursue a Library Science degree.

However, there was a slight problem. In order to get a decent library job I'd have to get a Master's degree. This was not a problem. I somehow always intended to pursue an advanced degree. The problem was what about an Undergrad degree? I wasn't required of me to have a specific undergrad degree in order to get into a Master's program so what was I going to do. Well after talking to my cousin, it turned out that a Library program for a Master's existed at the college he worked at (he was a coach for the Women's Track team). I knew I wanted to work with children and specifically school aged children. So I thought, perhaps a school librarian.  I knew I wanted to be a librarian and work with children but didn't knew exactly where.

When I looked into the master's program, I thought that it was what I wanted.  However, it required me to get an Elementary Education or Early Childhood degree first. While I never really intended to go into teaching, I thought maybe. At the least, it was just another step to my ultimate goal. I didn't really know. I went into the Elementary Education program with the intention to continue on afterwards with a Master's program; Library Media Specialist. I went into the program knowing full well I didn't want to be a teacher. A knowledge I kept throughout the entire time I was in the program. Even my classmates that I got to know knew this fact. I was asked constantly why I was in the program if I wanted to be a school librarian and I would tell them it was requirement.  I thought maybe I would grow to enjoy teaching but I never really did. I liked my classes for the most part but really the student teaching is what sealed it for me. Maybe if I had been at a different school things would have been different but I don't believe so. I hated student teaching and it was then I pretty much decided teaching certainly wasn't for me. Of course that was also the last semester and it was pretty much too late to do anything else. To make matters worse, I ended up not getting into the master's program and my life was suddenly turned into chaos.  My future was cloudy; unknown. 

Talking to my advisor and the head of the Library Media Specilist (when I questioned why I was denied into the program), it was decided that perhaps I should look into Youth Librarianship since that seemed to be a better fit for me. That's how I ended up here at UNT and how I ended up here in Denton.

As I've said numerous times before, I don't really need to be living here in Denton in order to be working on my degree. My classes are all online, I could really live at home or somewhere else.   I'm not happy here at all. I really am not. I don't know really even know anyone. I'm completely and 100% alone. 

Things have been going on lately (well pretty much ever since moving here) that have made me question if I still really want my degree. Well more people have made me think about that. The thing is that I still feel as though I'm in the right degree program and still want to do it. It's just I don't know. I haven't been motivated as much this semester to do much of anything. I'm full time so I could try and get an assistant ship but haven't really tried. My classes are just ok, not nearly as interesting as I thought. One is a School  Library Media class which I now feel taking it was a huge mistake to even take. I have a Practicum planned for next semester that I have to get going on getting fixed up in order for other things to take place. Really the truth is that while I'm ready to be done with my degree, I'm also not really ready to go out in the real world.

I still feel I made the right degree choice though. I still feel as though Library Science is really where I'm supposed to be. I don't really know. Sometimes I wish I could just time travel into the future to find out really where I ended up and if I'm happy. It would certainly calm my nerves.

The other thing is though. I originally planned to have a couple of minors. My minors have never really changed. I've had these minors planned pretty much since I began college. I want to minor in both Spanish and in Music. I love music and my piano and would love to be able to do something with it. Have a backup. The thing is that I haven't had the chance to really focus on my minors at all. Things just haven't worked out that way. By the time I transferred to OSU, my schedule was full of specific degree requirements and I just wasn't able to take anything else. I could have taken classes now as a graduate student and I did look into it some. But the issue of financial aid comes into effect and I'm not entirely sure how it would work out.  Also at this point, I'm literally out of time to even work on getting any minors. I only have a couple more semesters left after this one and then I'm gone. I don't want to stay here in Denton any longer than I have to. I just want to stay as long as necessary to get my degree and get out.

I still want to get my minors though. I still am determined to get them somehow. I need that backup even more now since it turns out my Undergrad degree is pretty much useless. I don't really ever plan on teaching. It just wasn't for me.  It's also important for me because my brother didn't have minors. He didn't have a backup degree. He's told me not to be like him. He doesn't want me to be like him. He wants me to have backups. I agree. I don't want to not have anything to fall back on. This is why I still want to get my minors. The thing is that now I'll have to get my minors once I'm working. This is my new plan. Although, I seem to be burnt out as far as school is concerned, still, I really do want to get my minors. A few more semesters while I'm also working wouldn't really be so bad. Besides I really want this. Wherever I end up, I hope and plan to get my minors.

My plans have changed so much and yet I still keep going.Sometimes I can't help but wonder if it's really what I want. I think so and it feels like it's right.  All I know is that plans can change. So far mine hasn't changed too much lately and I'm determined to stick to it as much as possible.