I never had the traditional college expereince. Perhaps this is partially why I'm so alone and have so few college friends. Perhaps this is why I've never truly felt like I was part of any college I've gone to.
I don't think I have ever really wanted "the college expereince" meaning staying in a dorm and having a roommate and everything. It just never was really something I wanted. Or did I?
As far back as I can remember, I've always wanted to go to college. That much was always in my mind. However, I don't ever remember having a desire to have a roommate and stay in a dorm. I don't think I ever wanted that.
In fact, up until about my Junior year of High school, I didn't even really have an idea of what I wanted to go to college for much less know where I wanted to go. I guess part of my assumed I would be staying in-state. Perhaps part of me thought I would follow most of my classmates and attend New Mexico State University in Las Cruces. Although at the same time, I never really wanted to go there. Previous knowledge from my older brother and sister-in-law told me that I should avoid going there if possible and go out-of-state.
The more I think about it, the more I remember not ever really wanting to go in-state though I knew it would be better financially for my parents since I could get the lottery scholarship.
I started taking college classes during my senior year of high school. It was great. I got dual credit plus I was finished with most of my requirements by then. I didn't even have to pay for tuition or anything. Just textbooks. By the time I graduated high school, I had a semester's worth of freshman classes already out of the way. It also meant that for much of my senior year, I wasn't actually in my high school. I really was there for only a few classes. One being a guidance office aide and the other being government/econ and my Science Olympiad elective.So while I participated in practically all of the Senior stuff at my high school, I still missed out on some things (like the Senior Class yearbook photo).
After graduation, it was pretty much decided for to stay in my hometown and attend the first couple of years at our community college (a branch of NMSU). This worked out for me. I got to stay home and not have to worry about housing while I worked part-time at our public library and attended classes.
So unlike many freshman, I didn't have to stay in a dorm. I didn't actually have that choice either since it was just a community college and they didn't offer housing anyway. This was pretty much the beginning of my non-traditional college experience. Many of my former high school classmates headed off to the main campus or out-of-state and therefore many of them had the dorm experience.
After a couple of years, I finished up all the requirements for an associate degree (should I have chosen to get the degree) but I decided to hold off for the more important bachelor's degree. I had already decided by then to not attend the main campus. Again, prior knowledge from family members had advised me not to transfer to main campus. Reasons being that such family members had had hassles with credits transferring properly. Despite the fact that the college is a branch of the main campus, there seems to be problems with credits not matching up. I didn't want this to happen to me and again, I never really wanted to attend NMSU. It was just never really an option for me. I had decided to attend Oklahoma State University. By this time, I had decided on being a librarian and I felt that the program at OSU was what I wanting at the time. A cousin of mine used to work at the college and therefore helped me out a great deal. I visited the campus with him and I feel in love with it. When I moved, my cousin had offered me a chance to stay with him for the first semester. He had a house and lived by himself. His job required him to travel around and therefore he wasn't always there. It was nice to have some family around to help me when settling somewhere new since I'd never been away from my parents before.
Had I chosen it, I had the opportunity to stay in a dorm. But I didn't. I had been offered a place to stay and it was family. I felt that was a better option for me. I could have chosen a total stranger in a small room at a college where everything was brand new or a piece of familiarity with family? It wasn't much of a choice in my opinion.
Sure I was still lonely and such but after awhile I found friends and things to do. I loved OSU. I found friends at the campus church I went to and got to know some of the other students. I didn't feel so alone.
After the first semester I found an apartment a couple of blocks away from campus and that's where I stayed for the rest of the time until I graduated.
Now I'm in another apartment and I still have yet to set foot inside a dorm room or even have a roommate. I doubt I ever will. I've visited dorm rooms of some friends of mine. I have even stayed in some. Of course it was only for a weekend and it was for a church event being held on the campus.
I just have never been excited about the thought of having a roommate. It's never really appealed to me. I guess I just like being alone. I like not having someone to have to put up with. I guess the idea of me not getting along with someone is one reason. It's just not all that exciting to me to share a bedroom with a total stranger. Sure if you hit it off with someone that's great but that doesn't always happen. I guess I'm a solo kind of person. I'd rather work by myself than in a team (and I am).
Of course, had I had the experience, I possible would be in a much better shape than I am now. Right now I'm pretty much alone and lonely. I feel as though I can't really relate to anyone because I never had the traditional college experience that many have had. I don't have very many friends that I can relate to. I didn't have to share a place with someone to know whether or not I would be the way I am now. I don't know if having a roommate would make my life easier. Sure I wouldn't be as lonely because I'd have someone to talk to (hopefully) and perhaps do things with.
I guess that's part of why I'm a bit jealous of people too. I never had the traditional college experience and perhaps I'm someone who needed to. Perhaps my life would be much different and better than it is now.
What if?
No comments:
Post a Comment