Writer envy

I've mentioned before how sometimes I'm concerned about my own individual writing style and if it's interesting enough for people. 

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I can't help but feel a bit jealous toward a blogger I secretly follow. It's Twitter girl if your wondering. Despite everything, I still read her blog posts because I'm interested in them. Her writing interests me. It just can't be denyed that she's a good writer and her posts interest me.

I'm jealous of her writing ability actually. I shouldn't be though and yet I can't help but feel some pangs of jealousy.

I know I'm a good writer. But yet I can't help but feel inferior in comparison to the other person.

Here's a sentence from one of her blog posts: My childhood was shattered glass, bare feet, and blindness. 

This isn't even a sentence from her most recent blog post either. It's just wonderful how she describes things. This is how she writes.  Her blog posts are stories. Actual stories. You can picture what she's talking about from her sentences. They just somehow flow together in such a way that I feel like I've been unable to achieve in my blog posts.

In comparison, this is a sentence showing my style: My bridge certainly is long and difficult. At times it may seem like it'll crumble at any moment but it remains strong standing the weight of time.

This is taken from my blog post titled "Cross the Bridge or Fade Away?" I had to search a bit to find a sentence that I felt even compares and I still feel like it doesn't weigh up.   

Honestly, I feel that someone were to read just those two sentences and then decide which blog to read just based on them, mine wouldn't get picked first. Sometimes, I wonder if I would even pick my own blog to read if I didn't know it was mine (if that makes any sense).
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I don't really get why I feel some jealousy toward her writing ability. Why I can't just accept my own writing ability.

It's not like I don't understand that everyone has a different writing style regardless of it's writing blogs or writing poetry or even stories.  I get that.

I get that people has different interests in what they want to read as well and maybe my style really is interesting to people.

I don't see it though.

And that's probably the whole problem.

I write mostly for myself but at the same time I do want to at least appeal to people. I feel like my descriptions of things are descriptive but not in the sense like hers. Her descriptions appear more  "story-like" than mine. They seem to appeal more to the senses. I described things with detail. I describe sights but not really emotions; not really appealing to the other senses so much.

Then again, I'm making judgements based on her ability to write interesting blog posts. Perhaps she's not such a good writer with other things.  Although, I highly doubt that.

Sure she may have the ability to write interesting blog posts but what about poetry or even stories?  Has she ever won an essay contest or even have had a professor ask to use an assignment as an example in future classes?  Probably not.

Look, the thing is this. I shouldn't be envious of her ability to write blog posts when I have plenty of proof to show that I, myself am a good writer outside of the internet.

I guess part of the problem though is that I don't know about my writing when it comes to online. I feel so anonymous. Lost in an ocean of other blog posts.  I don't know if what I say has any interest.

It would just be nice if someone, somewhere would let me know they're interested in what I have to say.  I'm just really looking for a little assurance. (I'm finding out I'm someone that needs to hear that).

I have trouble taking pride in my own abilities. I don't give myself enough credit for my own talents and accomplishments. I always think I'm not good enough; that there is always someone I feel is better than me even if perhaps they really aren't.  I guess this is just another one of those times.

She might be a good writer. But so am I!

I just need to convince myself that I truly am one.