BEDA Day 12:Chapter 11- Beauty is Skin Deep

The title of this blog might lead you to think that I'm going to talk about how Beauty isn't all about what it looks like on the outside and it's not. However, that's not exactly what I'm going to talk about. However, I can't think of a better title at the moment so I'm just going to go with what I have now. I'm open to suggestions if anyone has any.

Today after I had finished with my Geometric Structures class, I was walking to my next and last class for the day behind some other girls from my classes and I got to thinking about something. I've noticed how much older some of the other girls in my classes look even when they aren't dressed up or anything. Even when they are dressed casually, they still seem and look put together.

On the other hand, I look at myself and I feel the opposite in a way. I mean I don't feel as though I'm "put together". I do feel comfortable with what I'm wearing but I don't really know. Whenever I look at the other girls and see what they are wearing, I think that I even if I tried wearing what they do, I wouldn't look the same way. I don't think I would look much older.

Now before you think that I shouldn't care about what others look like and that I should be happy with just who I am or have low self-esteem and such, I AM happy with who I am. I like how I look too. But sometimes I just can't help wondering "what if?"

Now granted another reason, they probably seem and look put together is that most of the others wear make-up on a daily basis which I certainly don't. I've just never been one to wear make-up on a regular basis. That's just who I am and kinda how I grew up. My mom wasn't exactly strict or anything, don't get the wrong idea, but she just told me that I didn't need to wear it and I didn't. This of course was back in Junior High and High School. I've never really minded this because I would rather show the "real me"; my real beauty and everything. I don't need to wear make-up to be beautiful in other words. I do wear make-up though on special occasions such as interviews or when I need to look more professional but otherwise I don't.

Compared to a majority of the other girls in my classes, I feel underdressed sometimes. I feel almost the same way I did back in High School and even Junior High. I start feeling like the nerdy and not very pretty girl that got made fun of. I don't wear very fancy clothes or anything. I mostly wear capris and jeans and a t-shirt or sweater with my tennies shoes. I don't even really do anything fancy to my hair. I just simply put it in a ponytail and occasionally a braid. Every once in a while, I'll straighten my hair or leave it down. That's just my style. I like being comfortable.

I also have the issue that I just simply look young. I don't look my age at all! I barely look like I'm in High School, much less College! I've even had some people think I was in Junior High! This is because of genetics mainly from my mom's side of the family. I'm not complaining though. It's nice. Although it does pose a little bit of a problem especially now that I'm 21. I know that I'm going to be carded a lot because I don't look 21 at all. I even was hoping to get carded when my family and I celebrated in Las Vegas just so I could prove I was 21. However, I didn't get carded which I was a little disappointed about. Although, I know in other places, I will get carded for a long time.

So you have a 21 year old who wears simple clothes and doesn't wear make-up on a daily basis and who doesn't really do anything fancy with her hair or anything. Also, I have to admit that I have some skin issues for which nothing seems to work on. Taking all that into consideration, I'm sure you can imagine why sometimes I feel the way I do; like a bit of an Ugly Duckling.

In about a year, most if not all of us will be graduating (May 2010) and most of us will be begin teaching that fall (not me since I'm going to Grad School and getting my certification as a School Library Media Specialist). The thing that gets me is that already I can imagine most of the others as teachers; dressed up and looking like teachers. Even though I'm not actually going
to be a teacher, but a School Librarian, I cannot picture myself dressed up and looking professional like that. Even when I do dress up, I still cannot picture myself wearing that stuff on a daily basis. In fact, I usually can't wait to change back into normal clothes and wash off all the make-up I put on. I can't imagine how I'm going to do that on a daily basis. I know I'll eventually get used to it but it will take me a long time to get used to it.

Even after all this, I'm still happy with who I am and how I look. My true beauty is what really matters to me.