BEDA Day 30: It all ends here...

My last BEDA post. Hard to believe that it's ending.It's interesting to note how many things in my life seem to be ending.

First off BEDA has ended and oddly enough, I'm a bit sad about it. I'm sad mainly because it gave me a reason to write everyday. It forced me to write on a regular basis. However, I do think that I'll continue writing both IRL and definitely blogging. With everything that's happened within the past month, BEDA has helped me a great deal. It gave me a reason to get back into writing which has helped me deal with my emotions lately. 

Second, the semester is ending which is nice for me. This also means that my projects are ending. I have only a couple to finish up and turn in and I'm officially done with the semester. Once the projects are in, I just have the grades to wait for. The good thing about grad school is that I no longer have Finals to deal with. Just final projects which are usually due the week before (Dead Week).  I'm looking forward to being finished particularly with my 5200 class. The downside is that I don't really have much of a break before starting back up with Summer classes. I have a May minimester class that begins on the 16th of May then I have a regular Summer class. Both are Youth Literature classes. The one in May is a multi-cultural literature class while the other one is just general youth literature.

Third, my sessions are ending. This coming Friday is my last session for the semester. I'm a bit nervous about them ending. I feel as though I'm made a lot of progress and have certainly improved over the last month.  However, I'm still uncertain about the ability in myself to keep improving and keep moving forward. I'm sure I'll be fine though but we'll see how it is when after I return back after the summer.

Fourth, the fact that Harry Potter is ending with the movies is finally becoming more real. With the release of the Deathly Hallows Part 2 trailer this week, the realization that this is it has begun to set in.Part of my childhood is ending. As I talked about earlier this week, at least when the last book came out, us fans still had the movies to be excited about. But after July 15th, there won't be anymore midnight releases of anything. There's always the theme park to be excited about but it won't be the same so much.  None of it will. I know that I'm going to be an emotional wreck at the conclusion of the film but like everything else, it has to end.

Also, though it's not really something that's happening for me this year, several of my friends are graduating from either high school or college in a couple of weeks. So for them one part of their lives is ending and another to begin. Also a few of my friends are getting married soon so there's also that.

"When one door closes, another one opens"  "The ending of one journey is the beginning of another"


Nothing lasts forever and I realize this. I feel like I've accomplished things over the last month and have changed. While I ended up not doing any VEDA posts like I was hoping for, I did at least accomplished doing BEDA completely for a second time and that's something I can feel proud about.

So this is it for now. Hope you've enjoyed my posts this month. And now I shall leave you with this movie tagline

"It all ends here"

BEDA Day 29: Thoughts from the Arts & Jazz festival

Tonight was the start of the Denton Arts & Jazz Festival. It started around 5PM and will continue for the rest of the weekend. A few things are interesting about this. One is the fact that I live just across the street from the park where it's taking place. On the one hand, it's great that I'm this close because I don't have to worry about transportation and if I get tired, I can just walk home. The downside is that I still hear the music from one of the stages that is practically right in front of my apartment complex (It's still across the street but is in front of my complex). While the music is pretty good, it's still quite loud. I'm lucky that I live a few apartments down from it but I feel for the neighbor who lives in Apartment 12 which is the closest.

I was quite fun. Mostly  I just did a quick walk -through tonight looking around at what was there and filming it. I didn't really stop and look at some of the things. I'll do that tomorrow. Mostly what I same is similar to an event back in my hometown. Many crafters selling their work  and lots of food booths. The difference is that here there's an even greater variety of food. For example, I had gator tonight which honestly tasted a lot like chicken. I also had some Strawberry Lemonade and some Fried Oreos.

Of course, there's always the issue of crowds with events like this. Being the socially awkward nerd that I am, I generally don't feel comfortable in crowds or really like them. Although, I didn't find the crowd to be too bad except in a few spots. Mostly because the park is so large that it helps.

After my wanderings, I came across one of the stages where I saw a group of students wearing clothing that Marachi groups normally wear. Of course, this got my attention right away but since they weren't playing just then, I didn't really stick around. When I finally made my way around and came back to the stage, the group was just about to begin performing. It was a Mari achi group. In fact they were from UNT which is my college. Marachi music and concerts have been a bit part of my life. I grew up hearing it at home and going with my parents to see concerts. My dad loves Marachi music. I've never really enjoyed it that much despite the fact that this is music that's part of my culture. I love my culture, I do. I even joined a Hispanic Pride Club in high school and was a Ballet Folklorico dancer. I loved being a dancer and I grew a better appreciation of Marachi Music.
 
Since I've moved away from home, I've discovered that I miss Marachi music. I miss that part of my culture. I didn't realize this before but when I'm at an event and see a Marachi group, I can't help but think of home. Tonight is one example. Watching the performers, I felt homesick and thought about my parents.   I've realized that instead of running away from something that I've never really enjoyed, I now seek it out because it's like a part of home for me. I could have chosen to walk away and listen to some other music at the festival, but instead I actually  sought it out. I walked all around and actually came back just so I could listen (that and I wanted to see how good they were). I've also noticed that instead of avoiding Marachi concerts now when I'm home and my parent's invite me, I choose to go. It's strange but I guess in a sense I've grown to appreciate things like this. Despite the fact, that I still don't speak the Spanish language and don't know what they are singing, I still listen to it if it's there. It's the familiarity of it.

BEDA Day 28: Family

I have an awesome family. I truly do. We all support each other and there's just so much love. Whenever we get together over the holidays and such, we have such a great time that it always makes me sad when we must go our separate ways again.  I'm mostly referring to my immediate family since my extended family includes a lot of cousins and aunts and uncles on my mom's side. My immidiate family includes my parents, my bother and sister-in-law and nephew, and my Uncle; my dad's brother. Since my Uncle lives in my hometown along with my parents, I see him quite often.
It makes me happy to spend time with everyone but especially with my brother and his family. Over holidays, we play games together. Since my brother has Rock Band and Guitar Hero on his Wii system he brings it with him when he visits and we all take turns playing. Even my Dad does and doesn't normally play games but he seems to really like playing the Wii. It's always an adventure when my brother and I are together. Sure he picks on me and such and can be annoying but in the end, we love each other so much and he keeps an eye on me. 

As far as nerdiness/geekiness goes, I guess my family is kinda like that. Well, at least I am and so is my brother and his family. Maybe I get some of mine from him but most likely not. Of course, my brother has shared some of his geekiness with me because he thinks I'll like things and most of the time he's right. While I wouldn't say that my parents are nerdy or geeky, at least not like my brother and I are , my Mom does at least like Harry Potter enough to get excited about the new movie and accompany me to the midnight release. She doesn't have to do that especially because I am old enough to go on my own but she does it because she wants to. She's also at least interested in Star Trek and Star Wars. Again, not as much as my brother is but still. As for my Dad. Well it's safe to say that he's not interested in stuff like that. He like History and Sports. In fact,  my Dad was a P.E. teacher before he retired. Now my brother and I were never the athletic type of kids that I'm sure he would've liked. Though my brother and I certainly tried. My brother ran, did soccer, and Ti Kwan Do but never was really into it. For me, the only thing  really athletic I tried was Gymnastics and while I enjoyed it, I wasn't very good at it.  My brother and I found other interests and both happened to be in the Arts. For him, he loved Theater and for me,  Piano.  My Dad supported us in our activities and came to realize that neither of us would be athletes. Even my nephew isn't into sports or things like that. He used to be in Karate but he quit and hasn't gone back since. Regardless of everything, I still love my Dad. He at least supports us and still has things to be proud of even if he doesn't understand some of the interests my brother and I have.

I'll admit it bothers me hearing things from some of my friends who have parents that aren't there for them or families that they'd rather run away from . I had friends growing up that were from divorced families and it bothered me sometimes hearing about their lives but I was a kid. It was something I was aware of but at the same time, it didn't really bother me.

I choose to go home over breaks instead of staying here partially because I don't have anyone here. I have no reason to stay. Yet, I have friends who'd rather stay put because they don't want to go home to their families. Some can't because of distance but others choose to stay put because they don't like their families.  Basically once they left home, that was it. I don't understand how anyone can feel that way. But I can respect it.   When such friends talk about how they don't like their families, it makes me uncomfortable. You can't help who your family is and I know this. I'm lucky that I have a loving family who loves and supports me in every way. I'm lucky I have an older brother who looks out for me and who I can rely on. I'm lucky I have parents who have supported me throughout my life and continue to do so and who are there  for me.  I wouldn't change my family at all.
 

BEDA Day 27: More Harry Potter

OMG  you guys! The trailer for Deathly Hallows Part 2 was released tonight!! I'm seriously excited about it right now. I've already watched it at least 5 times! I can't believe it's almost here! The trailer looks so amazingly epic that I can't help but squeal watching it! I can't believe it's here!

I'll admit that I also cried a bit when I saw it. It's  great and I can't wait until July 15th but at the same time I can't help but be a little sad. I know I'm going to be a mess when the movie finally arrives. We're talking about the end of part of my childhood here.

I remember getting into Harry Potter shortly before the release of the 4th book. My sister-in-law was the one who really introduced the series to me. She thought I'd enjoy it and it turns out she was right. Little did I know then just how obsessed I'd be with it. I always love reading and Fantasy books but there was something about Harry Potter that was different. Whatever it was, I fell in love with the series. I didn't start going to the midnight releases until the 5th book but I do remember getting the 4th book the day after it was released. I guess the reason I loved Harry Potter so much was because it was an escape from reality. I felt that I could relate to some of the characters. Even back then, I was in love with Hermione's character because I felt I was  a lot like her. I still don't know exactly what it was about the series but whatever it was, I'm glad for it. Here I am today, totally obsessed with Harry Potter.

I remember when I saw the first movie. It was the day it was released and it was actually the day. My parents and I were in San Antonio over Thanksgiving break.  I remember we had left from my hometown that Thursday before and drove to San Antonio. I remember at one point during the long drive that my mom looked at the clock and realized that we would be arriving close to midnight. She even jokely said that we could just drive straight to the see the movie if we wanted to. I remember I was all for that but it wouldn't have been sensible. We were all tired from the long trip and it wouldn't have been as enjoyable. The next morning however, I remember getting up and being there for the first showing of the day. I remember wearing my black Harry Potter shirt with Hogwarts in the background and a time-turner like necklace. I also wore a golden snitch keychain, and a Bertie Botts Every Flavor Bean bag with my Harry Potter trading cards inside tied around my waist. I'll never forget how excited I was and how I felt after  it was over.  I still have the ticket stub! It's hard to believe that it was that long ago .

I remember going to the midnight release of Book 7. I was very careful to avoid spoilers and was even worried that some stupid person would shout them out at the release party.Although I'm quite sure had that happened that person would have been attacked but the myriad of Potter fans there. I dressed up for the release. I had the full Harry Potter/Gryffindor uniform already from dressing up for Halloween and also from other movie releases.  I dressed as Hermione (though I don't look much like her).  I had a S.P.E.W. badge, my time-turner like necklace, and carried around a messenger book bag with Harry Potter books inside. I had styled my curly hair to make it look more curly and messy than usual  (it was also shorter than).They had a costume contest and while I didn't win, I was one of the runners up and recieved an exclusive Hastings Book 7 shirt as a prize. It was truly awesome. I remember getting in line (we were toward the beginning) and counting down with the others to midnight. I remember the excitement as the employees handed me my copy and I proceeded to the checkout counter and then going home and immediately reading the first chapter even. Memories that'll never end.

I'll admit that I'd actually already read the first couple of pages already by the time I got my copy. This is because at the time, I was working as a Page at our hometown library. Of course, in order to have the book ready to be put in the library collection for the release, they had to open the copies and get the processed and everything. Several of us staff were tempted to read it and frequently made jokes about taking the copy and hiding in the supply closet to read it. I even saw the book sitting on the cart to be processed. Finally, the Children's Librarian picked it up and opened it to the first page. I was passing by and saw her. We both read the first couple of pages and that was it. That was all we read. (The advantages of working in a library. :) )This was actually the day of the midnight release and after reading the first couple of pages, I was even more eager to get my copy that night.

It was a mixture of emotions during the Book 7 release too but it was different. Even though the books were ending, there were still the movies to look forward to. We still had midnight releases to go to. Now, the last part of the last book is being released soon. We won't have midnight releases to go to anymore. The fandom will never die but it won't exactly be the same.Sure there's the Theme Park and that helps but it's not quite the same as waiting with a bunch of other fans at midnight. The excitement of being one of the first to witness the magic.. Just being there with all these strangers and knowing you share something in common with them. The sense of  knowing that most diehard fans go at midnight. It's a wonderful thing and it's hard to believe that it's ending.

Of course, Harry Potter will never be forgotten but will live on forever. "The ones we love never really leave us"


One last midnight release, one last movie. "It all ends here"

BEDA Day 26: Born This Way

I'm not sure what else to talk about so I'm going to talk a bit about tonight's Glee episode. However, I'm not going to talk about the actual episode so much as the song it was based on.  However, be advised that that there may be spoilers. The episode was based on Lady Gaga's new song "Born This Way". I heard the song the day it was released and feel in love with it. The message of the song is a strong one. It's basically just about accepting who you are regardless. That same message was presented in tonight's episode of Glee with each character having some sort of revelation of who they really are and accepting that fact. I felt it was a great episode and this is coming from someone who has recently been disappointed by Glee.

This episode had me in tears at some points. One of those times being the final number performance of Glee's version of "Born This Way".  When the cast showed off their white t-shirts with things about themselves they didn't like but have accepted written on them, it spoke to me. Phrases like "Four Eyes" and "Brown Eyes" just made me think about myself. The whole episode did really. There are times that I hear a song so much and love it that I don't really think about the message behind it. I may know the message but it's one of those things that I tend to forget. It's the same with with "Born This Way". I've heard the song so much and I know the message behind it but haven't thought about it so much.  At least until now. I've said in the past that I'm not exactly pretty and I have things I don't like about myself. Everyone does. I'll admit that I don't like  my face because I have skin issues and while I do like how my glasses look, sometimes I wish I didn't have to wear them. As I've said before, I don't consider myself to be pretty. I'm just average. For the most part I'm ok with this but  sometimes I'm not. However, tonight's episode of Glee, made me really think about things like this. I think that's why I broke down. The truth hurts.  The episode made me just really think about myself and what I would put on my T-shirt if I was a member of the Glee cast.  I'm learning to accept myself and the fact that I was "Born This Way".I've begun accepting myself for who I am. Have you?

" I'm beautiful in my way, 'Cause God makes no mistakes/ I'm on the right track baby/ I was born this way".

BEDA Day 25: I just want to be able to see!

I'm apologizing in advance for this blog  being a bit boring ( I also apologize for the possible spelling errors that may occur) because today I'm going to talk about my eye problems. So if this is something you're not interested in reading about, you might as well leave now.

So at the beginning of last semester, I started having trouble seeing things at a distance again and I felt that my eyes were having trouble focusing. My eye doctor is El Paso but since I'm no longer living in New Mexico, I couldn't go see him. So I found one here instead. It's on the campus but unlike the regular Student Health and Wellness Center, I could actually go to the doctor without having to pay any extra fees  just for using the service. Plus they take insurance unlike the Wellness Center.  It turns out that my eyes had changed again and I needed a new prescription. At the time, I decide that my eyes weren't that bad that I needed to get new glasses right then so I decided to wait. Also I was going to try waiting until I got back home to visit the eyeglass place there, but that didn't end up happening. . My old glasses were fine for the most part but I was having some problems.  So I decided to get new glasses but now I'm still having problems. I got my new glasses on Friday and having been having some trouble seeing properly with them. Things are certainly clearer but I'm having trouble focusing on things.I was originally born cross eyed but had surgery when I  was little to correct it. Things were fine for awhile until about 7th grade, when I began having issues seeing at a distance. I went to the eye doctor and found out I was nearsighted. Things were again ok for awhile until I started learning to drive for my permit. I was having trouble focusing on the lines on the road.  I went back to my original eye doctor and they decided to put prisms in my lenses to help.

The problem is with these new glasses, the prisms seem to be off plus I’ve been getting headaches. I went back to the optical center today and explained my problem. According to them my prescription has changed a great deal from my old one but the prisms are correct However, they also kept saying something about me having Astigmatism which as far as I know, I don’t have and have never had. I do sometimes see double of things but  it isn’t because of me having astigmatism. It's  because of my eyes crossing.  At least, that’s what I know from my old eye doctor. Since, I picked up the glasses; I’ve seemed to have problems which brings me to the reason I went there today.


They told me to try and wear the new glasses for a few more days and if I’m still having problems to let them know and they’ll do a prescription recheck. I’m curious to know if my eyes have changed that much in 6 months. The last prescription I had is from 2 years ago. At my last eye exam about year and a half ago at, I didn't get a new prescription because I didn't need one. My eyes didn’t change that much and I was determined to be “stable”. But I guess I’m not anymore which is weird I think. Still though, I've never seemed to have this much trouble adjusting to new prescriptions before. Then again, I've never had this length of time between eyeglass prescriptions.  In addition to having issues focusing, I've had headaches. I'd only worn my glasses for a couple of hours this afternoon when I started getting a headache and I still have one now. They told me to just work through it so I'm doing that. It's not so bad when I look at things like the TV but when  I try to do stuff on the computer or read, I have issues focusing. If the prisms are the same, I wouldn't think I'd be having this much trouble adjusting. I'm hoping that my eyes will adjust over the next few days otherwise  I'll have to go back and hope they can figure out what's going on. I just want to be able to see clearly again!!

BEDA Day 24: Childhood memories of Easter

So today is Easter Sunday. The good thing is that I'm still celebrating the holiday. The bad thing is that I still have hoomework to work on and complete by tonight.

Today got me thinking about Easter and what it was like when I was little. I miss being little. I still get Easter treats from my parents but it's more money and cards rather than treats. As I'm no longer living at home, I have to make my own Easter celebration. This year I bought myself Peeps and some Mini Cadbury eggs as Easter treats. I bought some sparkling red grape juice and some potatoes and sliced ham to make my own Easter dinner. Yesterday, I dyed some Easter eggs because I wanted to. It's little things like this that make me remember Easter as a child and makes me a bit homesick.

As a kid, I remember being very excited about Easter. I remember dying eggs with my mom and my older brother on the Eve of Easter. It was always a lot of fun. One of the things that we did every year was take a white crayon and write each family member's name on one of the eggs. Each of us had an egg. I still do that when I dye my eggs. Only now I write "Family" instead of each individual family member's name. My mom still does that too.  It was always so much fun dying Easter eggs and it still is.

Later on Easter Eve, my whole family would dress up in new Easter outfits and go to the Easter Vigil mass at church. I remember this was the mass where we would get candles. This year, I went to the mall and bought myself a new Easter top which actually turned out to be 2 tops.So I still had a new Easter outfit.

After the Easter Vigil mass, usually we would come home and I would go to bed and fall asleep waiting for the Easter bunny to come. I remember at some point, I would start leaving a carrot for the bunny as a little snack. The next morning  I would wake up early and see if the Easter bunny had come. There was always a basket of goodies waiting for me and my brother (also my nephew when he used to live here). It was usually filled with some sweets (Peeps! and a chocolate bunny) and sometimes a new outfit (when I was littler) or some toys or other goodies.  First though, I would go out in the backyard and hunt for the hidden Easter eggs. I remember having a lot of fun doing that. My mom said that I should have hidden my eggs around my apartment and then go hunting for them but I told her that it wouldn't be the same (My nephew did this at his home is AZ though. He went hunting for eggs inside) . 

After hunting eggs, I remember going to church and hunting for more Easter eggs there. There was usually a big Easter egg hunt for the kids there. My mom used to be in charge of the event. In addition to getting more regular Easter eggs, there were special plastic eggs that if you found them, you could win a big prize basket or another big prize (like a stuffed bunny). I managed to find a couple of the eggs and win a couple prizes. 

Later on Easter, my mom would cook a special Easter dinner. Sometimes we would invite my Uncle to come over and celebrate with us. Usually it was Ham that we ate and either deviled eggs (using up some of the dyed eggs) or sometimes potato salad.

It's different now having to make my own holiday magic for Easter. It makes me homesick. I don't have to celebrate it but I choose to because it makes me feel happy.   It makes me feel like my family is with me even though they aren't.

Happy Easter!

BEDA Day 23: Thoughts during a Bilingual Easter Vigil Service

Tonight was the Easter Vigil service at my church. It was very strange going to tonight's service. I had only ever gone to services in Oklahoma and in my hometown for Easter. I already knew that it was going to be a bilingual service (Spanish and English) and was interested to see what it was going to be like. It was certainly interesting. First off, when I walked inside the church, I had no idea where to sit! The pew I normally sat in was reserved as were pretty much all the pews nearest the entrance of the church and in front of the alter. The only pews that weren't reserved were on the sides of the alter. During the vigil, we welcome new members joining the church and all the reserved seats were for those members and their family and friends. It made me feel as though I was intruding on something being forced to sit on the sides. It was very awkward for me especially since I'd never been in a church where it was necessary to have that many pews reserved. I'm used to it being only a few pews but this was like 20 (or so it seemed).It just didn't make me feel very comfortable at all. I found a seat though and for awhile, I didn't have anyone sitting by me. There was a lady at the other end and that was it. That is until a Hispanic family with 3 kids decides to sit in the pew next to me.  I don't know why but for some reason, I'm just not comfortable with people sitting next to me that I don't know. It's strange.

So mass begins with a procession from outside and the lighting of the Easter Candle or it would've had the weather cooperated. Unfortunately though it was storming with wind, rain, thunder, the works so things didn't work out that great. We were invited to the front to be there when the procession began but due to the storm, they wouldn't let us outside and eventually had to move inside. We got to light our candles but then we had to blow them out due to the fact that they were afraid that we would run into people on the way into the church. I didn't actually get to blow out my candle but instead had some lady blow it out for me. Apparently she'd been yelling at me in Spanish to blow my candle out but since I don't understand Spanish I didn't know this until she came up to me and just blow my candle out. Anyway, we finally were able to get inside the church and light our candles. Then the service began and it was nice but also strange. The readings and songs were done in both Spanish and in English switching from one language to the other for all the readings. It was different and I was able to follow along but it did make my mind go a bit crazy trying to figure out what language they were going to speak/sing in next. it was also hard because I didn't know how to respond in Spanish to some of the things so I didn't. It was also a long mass, about 3 hours. We had all 7 readings plus the Epistle and a Gospel reading plus Baptisms and such. I've never been to this long of a service before and I'm not sure I really liked it. It was just long for me.

Going back to the Bilingual thing, a couple times I had some other people try to ask me things in  Spanish and I felt awkward because I didn't know how to respond. I don't know Spanish. I can't speak it fluently at all. I can speak it a little bit and probably understand it more than I give myself credit for. My parents never spoke it  at home when I was growing up. I have family that speak it, namely my mom's side of the family speak it. So despite the fact that I can't speak it a lot myself, I grew up hearing the language and understanding some of it. It was just part of my life. My grandparent's spoke it, my aunts and uncles do, and even several of my cousins. It bothers me that I don't. It bothers me that even  though I'm Hispanic, I  don't speak Spanish. I'm a non-Spanish speaking Hispanic. It causes problems all the time. Unfortunately because I'm Hispanic and look Hispanic (which sounds weird but think about it. There's Hispanic's that don't look Hispanic), I get people who automatically assume I know Spanish and I don't. I go places and sometimes I get people who take one look at me and start speaking Spanish to me. I can't help but look at them blankly (even though sometimes I do actually know what they are saying) like I have not a clue what they are saying to me.  Sometimes I do get up the courage to tell them (in Spanish) that I don't speak Spanish. Mostly though I just give them a blank look and shake my head.  It's not like I haven't tried to learn the language. I took classes in High School and when I was in college (until I moved away to Oklahoma).  I even thought about minoring and planned to minor in Spanish but it didn't work out. I still would like to at some point. Still though, I haven't really learned the language. Most of the classes I take focus on learning the grammar and such while I just want to be able to start speaking it and then learn the grammar and such. In other words, I'd like a Conversational Spanish class and haven't found one.

I could take classes now and still minor in it but I just haven't tried to do so. I know it would be beneficial for me and my career and I'd like to learn but I just haven't really made the effort. I think it's partially because I'm afraid I'd have to start all over again and also because I'm sure it wouldn't be the type of class I'm wanting in a language class. I've even considered getting a computer program but so far nothing.

I can't even escape Spanish at my apartment complex. Both my neighbors on either side of me speak Spanish and so do some others in my complex. They don't speak  English and I don't speak Spanish. So I don't communicate with them because I can't. The fact that I can't really communicate also makes me feel alone in addition to other things. The bottom line is that I don't speak Spanish even though people think I do.

BEDA Day 22: End of the semester...

I'm already looking forward to the end of the semester. It's been a rough semester and I'm really needing a break. My classes have been more difficult than I thought. I'm only taking two classes but one is extremely difficult. I'm taking my last core class for the Library Science Master's degree this semester. Everyone has to take the same  3 classes regardless of which program of emphasis we eventually choose to pursue. The courses are 5000, 5600, and 5200. I took the first two last semester and I'm taking 5200 this semester. For this class we have a semester long project that we turn in in 4 parts. I've already turned in 3 drafts and have to turn in the 4th Preliminary Draft in next Thursday.  Basically we had to build a Database from scratch starting with a collection of objects. I chose Criminal Investigation shows (CSI, NCIS, etc.). It's just proved to be more difficult and frustrating than I was hoping. I'm also finding the whole thing to be pointless. Chances are that I'll never have to build a database system from scratch so I don't really see why I have to even do so.  I'm doing a lot better than I thought I would in the class with each draft. I've literally waited until the day it was do to  actually work on and finish the drafts. I don't know why I do that when I have plenty of time beforehand. So most of it was more frustrating and confusing because I waited so long.

I turned the last couple of drafts in unfinished but surprisingly my grades weren't that bad. I got an 80 on Draft 2 and and 82 on Draft 3 which makes me feel better. I'm just hoping that the final draft is either an A or very close to it. I just don't want to fail the class and have to take it all over. Once is enough for me. I'm pretty sure I'll pass though. One thing about grad classes is that I have to pass with a higher grade , in this case a B- or higher, in order to not have to repeat a class. A definite sign of how much harder grad school is. However, on a more positive note, I no longer have Final Exams. All my graduate classes so far have just had Final projects instead of Exams and the projects usually are due at least a week efore Finals. Once my projects are turned in, I'm pretty much done for the semester except for the Final grades.  I have a project due Sunday for my History of Youth Services class (actually I just have to present it to my group then. The actual final project is due next Sunday) and then I also have 2 more chapters to post discussion questions on. For my 5200 class, I just have the Draft 4 Preliminary for Peer Review due Thursday and then the Final Draft 4 due the following Thursday.

I'm taking a couple of classes this summer so I'm not really going to have a break from school. Regardless though, I'm so ready to be done with my 5200 class.  Can't you tell?

BEDA Day 21: Quality vs Quantity and Lack of Creativity

Yesterday, several bloggers talked about how things like BEDA/VEDA have created a lack of creativity and how they dislike this. They think that people should pick a theme if they don't have anything interesting. Now I'll admit that I haven't had a lot of interesting posts this month. But that's mostly because I don't do anything all that interesting on a daily basis.

One person claims that they don't post Daily recap blogs unless they absolutely have to. I've fallen victim to this style of blogging frequently during this month. Usually it's because I don't have anything else to say. I do try to make my posts more interesting and I feel like they are but sometimes I'll admit they aren't. In one of those blog posts I read, I it was mentioned how they felt they had crap blog posts this month and  I know I have too.  Sometimes you can't help that.

They also feel that there's a lack of quality over quantity. I tend to agree with this. While my blog posts have never been read that much anyway, I feel like they're read a lot less during BEDA. With all the posts, mine get lost in the mix.  I've been blogging mostly for myself. BEDA has gotten me to start writing again which is something that I've been needing lately. I do however, wish that my post were read a lot more than they are. I feel that I'm writing and just sending my post into the vastness of cyberspace where they get sucked up and dissolve  into nothingness. I feel as though people wouldn't care if I didn't post a blog post. I care but no one else seems to. I wish more people would care because I feel as though it might motivate me more. I do think that BEDA has pushed me to be more creative but at the same time I feel that it has limited my creativity.

The forced creativity is good to a point. However, I do think that creativity isn't something to be forced. I'd rather blog when the inspiration hits me rather than working on a forced schedule. So there are good sides and bad sides of BEDA. I'm not entirely sure if I'll keep blogging after this month. I do plan to but who knows. Regardless, BEDA has gotten me writing again and actual writing again.

BEDA Day 20: Lent Fail

So Lent officially ends Sunday with Easter. I have to say that I'm excited for Easter. I'm not doing anything super exciting or anything but I'm still pretty excited. It certainly would be nice to have family here to celebrate but that's not going to happen. At least not this year anyway (perhaps next year when my mom has retired she might come down and spend Easter with me). I'm not even going church on Sunday but instead am going to a Vigil service Saturday night. I'm planning on going sometime on Saturday morning to JCPenny's at the mall to buy a nice top to wear later that evening. I'm also planning to dye some eggs Saturday too. I've already bought a few Easter treats: Peeps and some mini Cadbury eggs. I already have a dinner plan for Sunday as well. I just need to go get the stuff tomorrow. Basically, my Easter is planned out already. Oh yeah there's also the fact that I have an assignment due on Sunday. I chose the due date for my final project for my History of Youth Services class. The final due date for the project is May 1st. But I'm presenting my project on Sunday. Basically it just means that I post it to the class discussion on Sunday and then if needed, I can make corrections/changes until May 1st.

Anyway, moving on. So at the beginning of Lent, I decided that instead of giving up something (partially because I couldn't decide what to give up), I would add something. I decided to go healthy and add in some exercise. Of course, this was also decided when I was at home for Spring Break. My mom has been walking on a regular basis and I would join her. If it was bad weather, we'd play Just Dance 2 on the Wii and exercise that way. Sometimes I'd just play it because I wanted too and I loved the game. I vowed that I'd keep the exercise up when I returned to Denton. I even had an idea of where I'd go to walk. Well, it didn't happen. First off, when I returned it was chilly for a few days and then it got really windy for several days. Now basically, I have no more excuses, I just haven't done it. It's not like I haven't thought about it either. I have every intention of doing some sort of exercise but I just never actually do. Although, within the past couple of days I've been seriously thinking about doing something again. As I've said time and time again, I just seem to have lost the lack of motivation as well as just been stuck in a rut with my life. I have the need and desire to do stuff and get out more but I just don't. Something is holding me back (although again, it's getting better thanks to some help). With only a few days left, I could do something but it really wouldn't make a difference that much. I still hope to do something because quite honestly I need to do something.

It's not like I'm completely unhealthy. In fact I'd say the opposite. I rarely get really sick. The only things that I get are colds, bad allergies, and sinus infections which are all kinda similar. I also don't really eat a lot of bad foods either. I eat a lot of fish and a lot of salads on a regular basis. In fact most of the things I eat are healthier options. I've also been trying to cook more recently and limit how often I eat microwave meals. Really exercise is the only thing I don't really do. I do walk to places. I walk to the library and downtown but other than that, I don't really walk for exercise. I realize that I need to do some exercise because I'm not really fit. I can't really do push-ups or sit-ups. I haven't been able to do either one since I was little. In fact, I don't think I've ever been able to do either one. I've just never been very athletic. I mean I can do them both just not for very long or very well. I'm not even overweight or anything but still I do realize that I need to exercise more.

So basically, my goal to add in exercise was a fail. I started off great but then again, I also had the motivation as well. When I returned to Denton, I didn't have the motivation anymore so I just didn't do it. I know I should just do it anyway despite the lack of motivation but it's something I feel I need to keep me going. Exercise is good. I just would rather avoid it as it seems.


PS. I wrote a poem for a contest today. Check out the post below and let me know what you think.

New Poem for a Contest (Non-BEDA post)

I wrote a new poem for a contest that I need to turn in today by 11:59PM and wanted to some feedback on it. I thought I'd post it here in my blog instead of Tumblr so that everyone can see it. If it's good enough, I might post it on Tumblr too. Keep in mind that this may not be the final version and that it might end up changing slightly, especially if suggestions are made. I'll be honest, I haven't written a poem in almost a year. The last one I wrote was a poem based on my graduation from Oklahoma State. It was suggested that I write another poem to give as a memento to those people that came to my graduation party back home. Since I had written a poem about my high school graduation it made sense to write one for my college graduation. Anyways, I'm rambling and getting off topic. So I'm going to stop talking now and let you read the poem. (Let me know what you think!)


Clouds

My life has normally been
Filled with many sunny days
Some days are partly sunny
There's hardly ever any rain
Lately, the sunny days are few
Gray clouds have appeared
And refuse to drift away
Sometimes they bring a fog
A little too thick
That feels like it
Will never fade away
But that fog is finally
Beginning to thin out
The gray clouds
Have begun to part
Rainbows are starting to appear
And the sun is slowly beginning
To shine once more

BEDA Day 19: Library Nerd

Today I went on campus. I was told to get out of my apartment and go to campus at least twice this week by my counselor. So that is why I am currently sitting in the Willis library typing this blog. Honestly, I don't know why I'm here. I don't have any real need to come to campus so I don't. I know what my counselor is trying to get me to do and it makes sense but still it seems a bit pointless to me. I can't help but look around at some of these students. Sure I may dress like them and look like I belong with my laptop and notebooks and backpack, but honestly I don't feel like I'm part of them.

Despite the fact that I don't feel like belong in terms of the people, I do feel like I belong here in the Library Environment itself. Despite the fact that I've never really spent time here at the Willis Library, it hasn't taken me long to feel comfortable.I love libraries and books. That's why I'm working to be a librarian. Libraries are just comforting to me. There's just something about going into any library that makes me feel calm and happy. There's just something about a library that just gets me excited. I love it!

Now I don't consider myself to be a very organized person. In fact I'd have to say the opposite. I'm not exactly a messy person but I'm not obsessive compulsive about things having to be in a certain place either. If there's one thing that is organized and stays organized at least in my apartment, it's my bookshelves. I love books and their smell.I love the smell of both brand new books and used books. They each are unique smells. One is the smell of a book just waiting to be loved and read and start it's journey. The other is the smell of a book that's been read many times and is passed on to share it's tale with someone else. I love the smell of the books in a library too.

Pretty much everything about a library is comforting to me. Even the quietness. The silence of a library is much different than say the silence of a classroom during an exam. It's almost hard for me to explain the silence in words. It's the sound of a book waiting to be taken off it's shelf and read. It's the sound of someone researching.

Books and libraries are my friends. Perhaps the reason I feel so comfortable and happy in a library is because I've never had a lot of friends. I guess that's why I spent so much time in a library as a teen. I hung out at libraries. Instead of socializing and dealing with the obnoxious noise of the Commons in the morning before school, I'd usually go to the library and hang out there. It was quieter there and my friends and I could chat without having to practically yell or finish up some homework or look for a book. It was a place where I felt happiness. It helped that I knew the librarian too. Sometimes I'd talk to her and a few times, she'd let me help her out. The reality was that for me, libraries and especially books were my escape. My way of feeling like I belonged somewhere. I certainly never felt like I belonged with my friends. I frequently felt like an outsider and frequently had trouble making and keeping friends. The library welcomed me. Books never made fun of me. They never let me down. They were always there for me. In short, compared to the friends I had growing up, books were much better friends for me (and still are at times).

This probably makes me a library nerd and I'm ok with that fact. Libraries are awesome! :)

BEDA Day 18: Won't you be in Nerdfighterlike with me?

As I've said before, I'm not currently interested in dating or relationships. However, that doesn't stop me from feeling a bit envious of my friends that are in relationships and such. Last night, I discovered that one of my IRL friends went on a date. It's only a first date but still she's hoping for a next one. I'm happy for her, really I am. It wouldn't be so bad but also two of my other friends IRL recently started dating each other. They'd been friends for awhile before and are sweet together. Again, I'm happy for both of them. So right now, out of the 4 of us, (I should note that these are my channel mates), I'm the only one who's not in a relationship. I just can't help but feel depressed about the fact that I'm not dating anyone. I don't really want a relationship but sometimes I can't help but think, "What if?". I've never been on a date with anyone or even had a boyfriend. I've just always been focused on achieving my goals and not interested in getting involved with someone. I don't' have experience in this area at all.

Honestly, I don't even know who would be interested in me. On Tumblr quite recently, I reblogged a post saying "Reblog this if you truly surprised when someone finds you attractive". I totally am surprised. I don't think I'm ugly necessarily but I don't find myself to be drop dead gorgeous either. In fact, quite honestly, I don't find myself all that pretty. I'm ok I guess and I'm pretty in my own way I guess but I don't see myself as someone somebody would fall for. I see myself as being average looking. I have skin issues that cause problems for me and I don't wear makeup regularly. I certainly don't dyress up fancy except on fancy occasions. In fact, I consider my dress to be "Plain Jane" type. I also usually have my hair up in a ponytail. I don't do anything special since it's long now and being very curly it just doesn't work well very often when I leave it down. Also with the warm weather now, I'd rather it be up and off my neck. During the Winter, I left it down more since it was colder. I guess I should put more effort into how I look but I don't really.

I get depressed about things like this at times. I feel like "What's wrong with me?". Why can't I find someone who I like and who likes me back? I say I don't want a relationship right now and I really don't. However, that doesn't really stop part of me from hoping someone will come along. I keep hoping that I'll find a guy who's just as dedicated as I am to his studies. A nerdy guy who, like me, may not be looking for a relationship exactly at least until he finishes his degree. Or at least a guy who will understand and support me while I finish my degree. I only have about another year and a half left before I finish and again since all my classes are online and I don't really get out much, the chances of me actually meeting someone in that time frame is really slim.

I've had crushes and some of them have been on some guy friends when I was growing up. But after awhile, I got over it. Sure I was jealous of my girl friends who had boyfriends but at the same time, I also saw them suffer after breakups. I guess part of me felt and still does feel that I don't want that pain. I'd rather avoid that pain, so the best thing for me to do is just ignore it and focus on something else. Maybe that's why I'm so dedicated. It bothers me, yes, but at the same time, I would look at my friends and think of how they were wasting their time. I don't know love in that sense and I don't know what it's like to feel the sting of breakups. Perhaps this is why I'm not so bitter towards Valentine's Day like some people. I'm loved in other ways, by my friends and by my family and I'm happy about this. Valentine's Day is just a day for me to show them how much I care. I do that anyways.

I've never been on a date, never had a boyfriend, and never been kissed (although technically this last part isn't true anymore but since the kiss wasn't wanted, I still claim I haven't) I'm usual in this sense. I don't know many (anyone actually) like me who hasn't been on at least 1 date or had at least 1 relationship by the time they were 23. I'm sure there's someone but none that I know. I feel like I'm missing something but am I really?

BEDA Day 17: Motivation or Lack there of

We are now past the midway point of the month and also of BEDA. I have yet to make a VEDA post but that's ok because BEDA is working for me a lot better. I'm beginning to feel as though I'm running out of things to talk about. I'm also feeling a slight lack of motivation to blog. Mainly it's because my daily life isn't that exciting. I don't really do a lot. I don't work (yet though I still hope to despite the fact that I'm not trying very hard to find a job) and I don't really go very many places(although I've been trying to get out more lately). My classes are all online which isn't that exciting. Since I have time, I could work on homework but I don't usually. Also there's the lack of a social life IRL. So yeah, my days aren't that exciting. It used to be that this bothered me a lot but not so much anymore since I've started getting help. Don't get me wrong, I'm still not happy about it but I'm trying to not let it get to me.

Not only am I lacking the motivation to blog much anymore, I've also lost the motivation to do my schoolwork. I think it's just gotten to the point that I just want to be done with school for the semester. Especially with one of my classes. It's been a difficult class and I've been struggling. I'm just ready to be done is all. I tend to get that way after Spring Break. At least within the past few years I have. After spring break, I feel like the rest of the semester drags. This semester especially. I'm sure it's partially because I've been going to school for about 18 years now practically nonstop since Kindergarten. I've only had a couple of summers off but that's it. I chose to go to Grad School. I didn't have to but I wanted to and I'm fine with that. I know I wouldn't have been happy if I haven't. Don't get me wrong, I love my classes for the most part. I just am ready to be finished with the core classes. This is the worst of the 3 and I'm sick of it. All my other classes have been more interesting since they're actually part of my specific degree. But yes, I've lost motivation to do my work. I literally have to force myself to do the work. I'm just tired and ready for a break even though I don't really get one. I'm taking a May Minimester class (that I've already begun reading the books for it)and I'm also taking 1 summer class. I don't know why I'm doing this. I guess I'm crazy. It does keep me busy at least which I need but still. That and it also allows me to get ahead and graduate earlier.

But anyways, in about 3 weeks, I'll be done and ready for a break. The good thing about Grad school (or at least for my degree) is that I no longer have Final Exams. I just have Final Projects which are usually turned in about a week before the semester officially ends. So technically I'll be done before the Final week and won't have to worry about it anymore. I just hope I have enough motivation left to finish said projects. Also, why isn't the fact that I'll be done with my classes after turning in the final project motivation enough?

BEDA Day 16: Book Festival, Harry Potter, Fear talk, and Palm Sunday

So I want to know if talking about what I do on a daily basis bores people. But since it doesn't seem anyone really reads this anyways, what does it matter?

Lots of topics to talk about today. First off, this morning I walked down to the North Texas Book Festival. I've never been to something like this before and it was very interesting. Lots of authors and some small publishing companies selling books. They had some other events going on too, like book talks and information for writers. I didn't really check out those events though. Mostly I just walked around looking at the different books the authors had for sell. I did get into conversation with the lady in charge of the festival. I told her about my hometown library and how they've been unable to get a new library built. She told me that perhaps holding a book festival in my hometown could be a way to help raise some money. She and I spent a lot of time talking about what we'd need to do. She also gave me some programs and fliers to take back with me and show people like the friends of the library. She's going to be sending me some more information. Hopefully I can pass this on and we could get something like this going.

So after I spent a couple of hours looking, I walked back to my apartment, got in my car, and headed to Best Buy. There I bought HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 1!!! It took me awhile to decide which version to get. Best Buy is offering 2 exclusive versions of the movie. One comes with a "Making of the Tale of the 3 Brothers" book and the other comes with an extra disc containing 65 minutes of extra footage. Note: Both of these particular versions are Blu-ray/DVD/Digital Copy versions. It's torture to a Harry Potter fan to make me choose between two exclusive versions like this. I wanted both. I finally had to call my brother and ask him what he thought. Also, I noticed that the extra disc version was cheaper so that helped. I was so excited! I found it interesting when I went to pay for it. There was a father and a son in front of me, they were buying the same version I was. There was a gentleman behind me, he had a regular version of HPDH1! I looked at him with his copy, he looked at me with mine, he nodded at me and said yep and I did the same. OMG! I was so happy to have my copy. I literally was jumping with joy! I'm such a Harry Potter nerd! Had I not had to go to church, I would've already watched it. But I will be tonight which is why I'm writing this now. That way I'll have nothing to distract me!

After I got the movie I went to Panera and had a yummy salad and wrote some more in my journal about something that happened earlier this morning. When I came back home, I relaxed a little bit and then got ready for church. I left earlier since it's Palm Sunday and was going to be a bit busier. As I was about to head inside my brother called me. Apparently my mom wanted him to call and talk to me about what happened on Wednesday. Of course, as he said, there isn't a lot he could do. But he and I talked for a little while. He's known about my fear. Again, there isn't much he could do. He just made sure it was ok and listened to me. Apparently he's not such a big fan of bugs either and neither is my sister-in-law and my nephew. His fear is Spiders and he has trouble dealing with them like I do. I felt somewhat better after talking to him. At least I feel as though my brother understands a lot better than my parents do. I certainly can tell him more. It also makes me feel better knowing that he's a bit afraid too.

Finally tonight (or more like tomorrow) is Palm Sunday. For some reason, I always like Palm Sunday(and Easter). I like the reading of The Passion during our Gospel. It just always makes me think about things. Good things and bad things. I just enjoy it for some reason even if the reading is a bit long. Also, we receive palms and it reminds me of my mom. I always remember my mom taking the palms and making a cross out of them. She still does. It's weird because though I can do origami and make things like cranes, I cannot make a palm cross. I know my mom has shown me before but I cannot remember how to do it. I hope someday she can show me again. It just reminds me of her and makes me miss being with my family during the Easter holiday.

So there you go. Lots of topics today for your enjoyment. Now I'm off to finish eating dinner and the HARRY POTTER!! :)

BEDA Day 15: Random

So today I had another session. It was a rough session to be honest. Lots of emotions. Not that this isn't new. Normally afterwards, I feel much better but today that wasn't the case. Today after my session, I felt horrible. I felt angry and upset with myself. I'm pretty sure it had something to do with what we were discussing prior to me leaving. I just felt so negative toward people. I felt they were being extremely annoying. Plus, I felt like I was on the verge of tears. I eventually calmed down but I still feel not as I normally would. One thing that is a bit positive is that I've had so many emotions and things to think about today that I needed to just write about it. So again, I'm back to writing. Also, my counselor told me this week that she wants me to write about my thoughts and feelings when I do certain things. I guess I'm already starting on that. For me, writing does seem to help me express my feelings so that's a good thing for me. But still what gives? I don't understand what I feel so bad about myself when I've made so much progress and have started feeling so good.

I am concerned about 1 thing however. I only have 8 sessions with my counselor and I've already used about 5. I'm a little worried that my problems are too complex to get through in 8 sessions. There's still some hope though. I still have 3 more sessions so hopefully things will work out. I've made a good amount of progress although at the same time I feel that new problems have arose.

In other news, HPDH1 came out on DVD/Blu-ray today. I didn't get it today but blame to tomorrow. Not sure which version I'll get since both Best Buy and Walmart have specials. I am a bit jealous though because my brother already has his copy. In fact my nephew called me and told me that they (my brother's family) were watching some of the special features. But I'm not too jealous since I will be getting my copy. Just not on the same day it was released.

Anyways, I don't really have a lot to say for this blog post since I pretty much wrote everything down in a journal today.

BEDA Day 14: Problem Child? and the Writer has (semi) returned

So recently I've felt as though I've become a bit of a problem child of sorts.Not necessarily a child who causes problems but more like a child who has a lot of problems. I just seem to have developed a lot of issues (as I've already pointed out in previous blog posts) I just seem to be a big mess of problems that I'm honestly not quite sure how my counselor manages to keep up with it all especially since I can't. I don't know where all these problems have come from all of a sudden. Perhaps they've always been there. They just seem to have escalated as the years have gone by. Maybe the problems I had as a kid, have just evolved into something else. Regardless, I still feel like I'm a mess and like I just have a mixture of problems that I can't even begin to sort through on my own. That's why I'm glad that I'm having someone else help me sort them out. After what happened yesterday, I've felt really ridiculous and I still do. I know my fear is extreme and it's a bit ridiculous how I react but I can't seem to help it. I hate to say it but I feel like I've become a bit of a crazy person. I feel like I'm going mad.

The Mad Hatter: "Have I gone mad"
Alice: "I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."


At least I can be proud of one thing, at least I recognize when I've needed help with things like this and I'm reaching out for it.

In other news, I think my writing is back. It's a bit early to tell still but it's definitely promising. Earlier this week, I took a walk around the UNT campus as suggested by my counselor. While on campus, I took some notes on my observations. Today I turned those observations into an actual writing. I guess I could describe it as a narrative of sorts. After being in my apartment for most of the morning while I did some laundry, I needed to get out for awhile so I went to the library. (I also had some things that were due today that I needed to turn in) While I was at the library, I got to writing about my adventure. I actually wrote too. It wasn't a laptop. I actually had a notebook and a pencil and actually wrote (which I haven't done in quite some time). It was awesome. I got involved in my writing that I could have gone on for awhile but since I was doing this as an assignment of sorts, I tried to limit it to at least a page (front and back). After I finished that, I was so into the writing that I started on a poem for both a contest and for my collab channel. I think my writing or actual writing is back. I loved writing and for awhile, I didn't think about my problems. The way my hand flow across the page forming the words as they flowed from my mind. I've missed it and it makes me wonder why I haven't written more lately. I enjoyed it. Maybe this is the beginning for me. A new beginning.

BEDA Day 13: Fear

If I didn't know what I was going to write about today, I sure knew after this afternoon.
So this afternoon has turned into an episode for me. If I haven't said so before, I will say so now: I have a terrible fear of bugs. It's really really bad. It's really one particular bug that I have this extreme fear of. I can't really even say the name without getting a small shudder. I was planning to take a nap this afternoon and was all set to with a I saw a bug crawl on my pillow. Of course, I let out a shriek and pretty much started freaking out. I finally managed to take a big container lid and tried to kill it when it was crawling on my bedroom floor. I thought I had managed to kill that one when I saw another bug crawling. I picked up the container lid to kill the other one and it turns out the 1st bug wasn't dead yet. So now I had two bugs and they were both crawling around my bed. Yes, my bed. I immediately vacated it and went into the living room. At this point, I was shaking so bad and was on the verge of tears because I was so scared. I called my mom who managed to calm me down. I finally managed to kill one of the bugs while my mom coached me through. It was really really hard and I kept breaking down because I was so frightened. I finally took care of it and sprayed some more bug stuff around my apartment. Hopefully it'll help. After I got off the phone with my mom, I took apart my bed slowly trying to try and find the other one. I did and though I let out a few more shrieks in the process and was still quite frightened of it, I eventually managed to kill it.

My mom says I should be proud of myself for killing both of the bugs (not too mention the others that I've seen). She's proud of me. The thing is why don't I feel the same. I'm not proud of myself. In fact, I kinda hate myself right now. I hate my fear and the fact that I'm letting it get to me. However, I don't really know what to do about it.

I let my fear control me instead of me controlling it in cases like this. I hate this fear, I get so terrified that I break out in a sweat, start shaking, and break out in tears because I'm so scared. I shriek and I can't even get near the area the bug is in. I literally crawl up in a little ball trembling. It's such a struggle to kill it and even once it's dead I don't want to get anywhere near it. I'm such a mess. It's not even funny how frightened I get.

I've had a fear of bugs ever since I was little so this isn't a new fear or anything. The problem is that the fear seems to have escalated ever since I moved. I'm don't understand why this is. Perhaps I was a bit spoiled living in my old apartment in Oklahoma. I rarely ever saw a bug in my old apartment. I saw maybe one or two really little ones but that was it. Even when I moved here, the first few months, I didn't really see that many bugs. Maybe one or two over the course of a few months. Now it seems that ever since the beginning of the year, I've seen at least 2 a month. I'm lucky enough that I have a pest control guy that comes and sprays each month but despite that, I still see them. Today was pretty much it for me. I can't take it much more. I've seen 4 since he came to spray just last Monday. 2 today and 2 a couple days afterwards. One was already dead in the corner of my kitchen, one was in my bathtub (which for some reason, I was able to kill without my fear getting in the way too much), and then the two in my bedroom. It sucks majorly that my fear gets in the way and I hate myself afterwards. I know that it's stupid and ridiculous but yet I don't see that.
I think it's finally time for me to get some help for this fear. My mom does too. She told my I should find a psychologist and she's probably right. I don't know why I'm like this. Why my fear is so extreme. I know that I'm alone and I have to take care of stuff like this but I just can't seem to do so. I get so frightened. Something is seriously wrong with me.

I feel like ever since I moved here to Texas, I've just had a whirlwind of problems. I've felt extremely lonely, things have happened that I feel bad about, lack of a social life, and now this...What's going on with me? Am I losing it completely? I feel like I almost don't even know who I am anymore. In a conversation with my mom, even she said this isn't like me. Have I changed that much? Have I lost my muchness? (as Alice might say)

Seriously what's going on with me? Here I thought I was making so much progress in my life and then something like this happens and it makes me wonder if things really have changed? I keep telling myself they have and I know they have. Really though, it makes me wonder if perhaps everything is linked? Maybe my intense fear is linked to everything else that's going on in my life.

In a way, I feel like I've become somewhat of a nutcase. Like I have so many problems that I don't even know who I am anymore. I feel as though this isn't me and yet it still is.
I realize everyone has fears and things they are afraid of (I'm also afraid of thunderstorms and bees) but to this extent?

I've said it before but I'll say it again: I have some serious issues.

BEDA Day 12: Adventures

So today was more interesting day than I've had in awhile. It involved a lot of walking and bus riding.

Today started off by me oversleeping a little bit. I was going to get up at 7 but ended up getting up at 7:30 instead. I had a doctor's appointment that I needed to be at by 9:30 and I needed to be sure I caught the bus early enough. I managed to get to the bus stop by about 8:30. I took the bus to the Central station, so I could catch the bus to the medical center where my doctor's office is located. It seemed to take forever for the bus to arrive and I was worried that I wouldn't make it in time for my 9:30 appointment. I ended up getting off a little way away (since I didn't know where the next stop was) and walking (actually more running) to the medical building in order to make it in time. I managed to make it in time which was good. Afterwards, I walked to the other bus stop that was actually closer than the one I got off at. (I knew there was another bus stop that looked closer but I wasn't 100% positive). I waited for the city bus for awhile but then realized that directly across the street was a bus stop for one of the Campus buses. Since I was planning to explore the UNT campus anyways, I decided to catch that bus instead. I was originally heading to campus for the International Food Fair but unfortunately I misread the information and found out it had been last week instead. So just walked around campus observing people and listening to my music. I sat the Union for awhile and then I went inside. I went upstairs and then I walked back outside and headed over to the library. I sat there for awhile but started to get hungry and felt like I'd explored enough for one day. I walked across campus to catch the bus back to Central and then back to the library where I walked home. I made some lunch and then just spent the afternoon at my apartment. I was actually pretty tired this afternoon. I don't know if it was just the lack of sleep (I went to bed really late and then got up a bit early) or if they morning caught up with me. So I took a bit of a nap and felt much better.

So that's my adventure for today. I explored the UNT campus since I never really had before. I took notes on my observation and now I have to write about my experience for Friday's session. I'm thinking of creating a poem or some type of story. It made me think about how I used to observe people and scenery and take notes to use in my writings. I haven't done that in awhile and I enjoyed getting the opportunity today. For once I did something many people have been telling me to do: I had an adventure.

P.S. I got a different type of vaccine today (that's why I went to the doctor), and once again my arm is bit sore. But not as bad and at least this time it's my left arm so I can still use my right arm.

BEDA Day 11: Book Nerd

I don't know what to talk about today and I really have anything exciting to talk anyways. So I guess I can talk a little about what I did today. So today, I went to the library and checked out some books.
I decided to go ahead and get started on my booklist for my Multi Cultural Literature for Children and Youth class. It's not until May but they've already sent the booklist and suggested that we read the books prior to class beginning so that we can focus on class discussions and projects. I figured it was especially important since I'll be going to Phoenix Comic Con at the end of May. It's better if I get as much out of the way since I'll be too busy having a good time to spend a lot of time.

I decided to start with the picture books on the list since they'll take the least amount of time to read. I figured I'll be able to knock them out and then focus more on the chapter books. Since many of the books on my list were located at the North Branch that's where I went.I certainly have a nice stack of books to keep me busy for the next week. I ended up having to put some books on hold since they were checked out or at the South Branch library which is further away. I ended up stopping at the Emily Fowler (Central branch) anyways and picking up one other book. I've already read 2 of the picture books. Both were bilingual Spanish books.

While at the Emily Fowler library, I talked to the Children's Librarian. I showed her my signed copy of Suite Scarlett and then showed her my list of books. We got to talking about how there was controversy over some of the books and how ridiculous the controversy is. It made me think about book banning and censorship. It's ridiculous some of the reasons why people ban books. It's like people are so bored that they go through and nit pick books. I'm sure if someone spent time, they could find issues with any book. It's just stupid. Then there's the fact that they say they haven't read them. How can you say something bad about a book if you've never even opened to cover and read what the book was really about?

For me, book banning and censorship hits home. This is because a church group in my hometown held a book burning and burned books like Harry Potter and other books they considered to be "evil" and against their religion. It was big enough to make the national news! The good thing was that members of the community supported the library and protested against the book burning. This event sticks in my mind even though I did not personally witness the burning itself. It was something that was big in my hometown. For me it's even more important to fight against those that try to ban or censor a book in the library. Interestedly, a few years ago, I was on the front page of my hometown newspaper. It was a picture of me and another girl looking over a banned books display at the community college library. I was just browsing the library between class one day and saw the display. I was looking at the books that were on display when a photographer for the newpaper showed up and asked to take our picture. For the picture I picked Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire since it was on display. When the picture came out in the paper the caption read "Harry Potter is my friend". While it made me smile to see this, it also made me think about the book burning event and how for those people, I was probably on their most hated list or at least on their list of people who need prayer since they think Harry Potter is evil.

So yes, I'm such a huge book nerd and I guess that's why I'm in the field that I am. I feel that every book has its reader and that every book should have the chance to be read.

BEDA Day 10: I have issues...

I guess I'm going to talk about the fact that I have issues today.

I seem to have problems with self-confidence and being overly hard on myself. I stress out far too easily and get frustrated. I also have trouble making friends. I just have a variety of problems it seems. I am getting help with my problems though and I have improved. However, it just makes me things of how I seem to have had problems for a lot longer than I realized. I've always had issues making and keeping friends even in elementary school. It's not like I wasn't a good friend or anything. People just never seemed to like me. That and I was made fun of for no apparent reason. I just always was kinda left out. I remember back in 8th grade, I went to see the school counselor a few times for issues with my friends. I remember having extremely negative thoughts. Thoughts where I thought about what it would be like if I disappeared for awhile. (I didn't do anything though). I just felt like my friends were keeping things from me and I felt unappreciated and such. So I figured I would just disappear (again, I didn't though). I think I frightened some of my back-then friends though with my talk like that. I just wasn't happy I guess with my friends. I suppose that's why I turned to poetry. I wrote a lot of poetry beginning in 8th grade. I guess it started because we did a poetry unit in 7th grade and my teacher thought my poems were really good. By chance I decided to submit my poetry to a website asking for submissions. They liked my poetry and published it and I guess that's where it all began. Anyways, I guess it was my outlet back then. Teenage angst and all. Quite a few poems I wrote dealt with my friends and even a few of the stories I wrote back then dealt with my friends. Not that things got much better in high school or now even.

Flash forward to now and I still have issues with making friends. I've been wanting friends here in Denton but I can't seem to make any. Those that I could make friends with I just don't feel as though our personalities mesh well. I'm trying to look past that but it's hard. It's not like I try to push potential friends away. It's just I'm socially awkward. I'm not very outgoing at all. I'm generally kinda quiet and shy until you get to know me. I guess the thing is that I've had friends who've broken my trust so many times before and I guess I'm always afraid that it will happen again. I consider myself to be a loyal friend and want my friends to be the same. However, if you break my trust, I turn against you. I'm sorry but that's the way it is. It's hard for me to forgive someone for doing that.

I also tend to have problems with being proud of who I am and what I've accomplished. I get these negative thoughts in my head and I think I'm not that good and that there's always someone better than me. I don't give myself enough credit for my own accomplishments. I also have the issue that I push myself so hard that when I fail, I blame myself. I seem to have developed a fear of failure along the way. Perhaps failing to get into the graduate program at Oklahoma State had something to do with it. I'm not entirely sure. But somehow, I feel that I push myself so hard because I'm afraid of failing somehow. I guess I also am afraid of not knowing. Just in general not knowing what's going to happen in my future or something. Again, this could be part of what happened last year as well.

There's also the issue of me wanting to get out and be somewhat social but being somewhat afraid to do so at the same time. I'm socially awkward and I know it and somehow it prevents me from going out and attempting to be social. I guess it's why I like my Internet friends a lot. I guess that's just why I love the internet in general for that reason. I'm a nerd so being socially awkward isn't uncommon.

Anyway, I could go on and on about my issues but I think this is enough for now. I do have issues and luckily I'm starting to work them out with some help. I've made some improvement and things have begun to look better and for that I'm proud of. I feel like the clouds have begun to part. Rainbows are starting to appear and the sun is slowly beginning to shine once more.

BEDA Day 9: Writing

If there's one thing about BEDA that I appreciate, it's the fact that it gives me a reason to write more. True it's only blogs and most of the time, I feel like they aren't all that exciting (especially when compared to other blogs). The only thing my blogs seem to do is talk about my day in detail. I guess it's fine and everything but I feel as though my readers (if there even are any) don't necessarily want to hear the details. I mean the details would seem better if I were writing an actual story or something but I'm not really. I guess I just feel that I'm trying too hard to make my posts interesting. I would like to know if anyone is actually reading though. It'd make me feel better knowing. Are you out there? Anyone? Hello?

I'm getting off topic again (which seems completely normal for me). So yeah, BEDA gives me a reason to write more. I consider myself a writer and I do love to write. The thing is that I haven't really written for the pure joy of it in such a long time. I think, honestly, that school has pretty much exhausted my writing ability to some extent. I mean the only things I seem to write anymore are for school assignments. I remember back in 8th and 9th grade , I discovered poetry as a way to express how I was feeling. I was a way for me to express my angst as a teenager. I had a rough time during those years but writing seemed to help me (not that things have changed all that much. I still have issues it seems). There were just so many problems in terms of my friends that writing about just made everything better. I was so into poetry that I would enter contests. I never really won but people still seemed to like my poems. I wrote poetry at least up until I graduated high school. Well, actually until about my Senior year. During my Senior year, I didn't write poetry nearly as much partial because I didn't have time. Even before I got serious about writing poetry I would write stories and I loved that. I still love to write but I just haven't really. I write poems ever once in a while now. For example, last May, I wrote a poem about graduating from college. Even that was difficult to write since I hadn't written for enjoyment in such a long time. I really should just get back into it and I'm not really sure what's stopping me. It's not like I don't have time. I do plan on writing some poetry for a contest this month and also as part of a challenge for the collab channel I'm part of. It is National Poetry Month after all. Perhaps, writing for those two things, will further inspire me to get back into writing. BEDA already seems to have helped some.

That and the fact that I'm supposed to walk around campus as an assignment by my counselor and write about it for the coming week. If I have to write something, why not try writing a poem about what I experience?? Really that seems to be my default recently, if I don't blog about something (which is like 90% of the time it seems), I end up writing a short poem. I have unfinished stories I probably should work on but I don't(although many are in a writing folder back home so I really can't). I guess I just like poetry for some reason. Free-form poetry and Haiku's to be more exact (I don't really rhyme a lot in my poems and I just like the arrangement of Haiku's).

But really I just need that creative outlet. I need something that I can do to help relive my stress and help me sort out my life. Also, I need something that keeps me busy and from feeling too lonely. Writing has proven before to help with that and I just need to get back to it again.

BEDA Day 8: A newer, more improved me

To start off this blog, I have to say that I failed to finish my draft completely yesterday and had to turn it in incomplete. Although, I did try to get a good chuck done. However, I'm still missing some things is section 4.2 plus 7 more records (need 10 total). I did manage to get a thesaurus although I'm not sure if it's what they want. My sister-in-law helped me out with it so here's hoping it's at least kinda what they are wanting.

Today has been a bit busy for me. Because of my project and having to film a video for my collab channel, I didn't get to bed as early as I was hoping to last night and then of course I had to get up earlier today for another session at 11. Like always, I had to wait awhile to catch the bus and then when I actually got to campus, I walked to the building. My session went well and I definitely feel that things have improved. They have actually. Afterwards, I went to the Eye doctor on campus so I could finally get my new glasses prescription filled. I picked out some frames that are a lot different than I've had before. They are bit thicker than I've worn before and I think they make me look more nerdy. They're also plastic frames which I've never had before. I've always had metal frames. It was suggested that I get the frames I did because of the thickness of my lenses so I did. Plus I think they'll work nicely with one of the outfits I'm planning to wear to the Phoenix Comic Con.

This made me think of how I'm sorta becoming a new me or at least a more improved me. A new glasses style will make me look a bit different and then I'm also making progress with changing my life. I'm still overall the same person just I'm starting to see things differently. This week has definitely been a better week than I've had in awhile. I believe that hanging out with my friends on Wednesday helped a great deal. I think it just helped me get out and get away from what's been bothering me. It just broke up the monotony and it seems to have helped me start looking at things differently. Things seem to be working out and I'm glad they are. I need things to change. I've made progress going forward and I want to keep it that way.

BEDA Day 7: Schoolwork

Since I was busy having an awesome time yesterday, I didn't get a chance to post yesterday's BEDA which is why you're getting two posts today.

So today I got up relatively early in order to drive back to Denton. For some reason, I just couldn't sleep last night. I kept waking up and trying to go back to sleep but it didn't last long until I woke up again. I don't know if I actually ended up getting much sleep. Finally at around 6:30AM I gave up trying. I just laid there listening to my friends' roomates' kitty play with the blinds until my alarm went off at 7AM. I got dressed and such and was ready and heading out the door around 7:45AM. I drove out of Norman and stopped in Purcell to get some gas (I had only used a quarter of a tank but figured I'd fill it up anyway), and then had breakfast at McDonald's.
So I drove back and by the time I got back I was so tired. I tried to lay down a few minutes ago but for some reason my brain wouldn't let me. I guess it knows that I have work to get done and I do. I have the final version of Draft 3 of my project due tonight by 10PM. For some reason though, I don't feel as stressed about it as I did last week when I had to turn in the Prelim. I still don't understand a lot of what I'm doing but for some reason it doesn't bother me as much. Then again I think I'm just ready to be done with the class at this point. I have quite a bit of work to do. I'm hoping I can get it done on time.

In other news, my stomach has been bothering me today and I don't know why. Perhaps I ate too much yesterday or something? I don't really know. It could be just a nervous stomach too. I've noticed recently that on days where I am kinda stressed out and have assignments due that I just don't eat all that much. I'm just never very hungry it seems on days when I have assignments that I've waited until the last minute to do. It's become almost a thing for me to just eat a bowl of Easy Mac for lunch on those days (like today). I'm wondering if I've developed a nervous stomach thing all of a sudden or if it's just another sign that my stress is affecting me. I already get headaches from being stressed out so it shouldn't really surprise me if this is just another side effect.

Anyways,yesterday was awesome and now it's back to reality.Now I'll go because I need to get to work on my project. Sorry if this is kinda boring.

BEDA Day 6: BEST DAY EVER!!

So yesterday was pretty much the BEST DAY EVER for me. (which is also partially why this post is a day late. Also, no Internet access even though I kinda did). It was awesome because I GOT TO MEET MAUREEN JOHNSON! I'm still reeling from it that's how fabulous yesterday was.

I got up yesterday morning and packed an overnight bag since I was going to stay with my friend Kate that night. Then I worked on finishing two Hogwarts House bracelets for my friends Travis and Kate. The night before, Tuesday, Maureen had tweeted that she and Emily (libraniac, the young adult services coordinator) were planning on going GoKarting between events on Wednesday. Maureen had said that if anyone wanted to join them, we could and so my friend Travis and I decided to take her up on that offer. I didn't know what time we were planning on meeting up so I made a plan to leave around 12 just in case. Luckily, Travis found out the time before I left. The planned time for the GoKarting was going to be 3 which meant that I had to leave at 12 in order to make it on time. So I packed up my laptop (just in case I got a chance to access the Internet) and my stuff. I even packed a PBJ sandwich and some Cheetos for a lunch on the way. I stopped at Walmart to pick up a couple of things like some Turkey Jerkey and a Dr. Pepper drink. I had only used up a 1/4 tank of gas but decided to fill up my car all the way just so I would have enough. Then I headed out. I was already running a few minutes late when I finally left but I thought I'd make up the time and for awhile I did. Just outside the state line I stopped at a rest stop for a few minutes to eat my lunch before continuing on. Then I hit construction. Lots of it. It was so annoying because it slowed me down. Travis text me to find out if I was gong to be there soon because he was so excited to go GoKarting. I FINALLY got there and as soon I got out of my car, we were off again. We made it in time to watch Emily and Maureen Johnson race. We even cheered Maureen on! Emily beat her the first time. After they had raced, Travis and I got to chat with them for awhile (it's amazing how I was able to talk when I was fangirling inside!) and then we all raced. I came 4th out of 4 so yeah, I sucked but I still had fun. Travis beat Maureen and got 1st, or the best time since we were going for time and not racing each other while Maureen got 2nd and Emily came in 3rd. It was so unbelievably fun! I would love to go back and this time I'm sure my time would improve. Afterwards, we parted ways. Travis and I stopped by Wendy's and got chocolate Frosty's and then we went to Pennsquare Mall and walked around awhile just to kill time while waiting to meet up with the rest of the group. We went to the Apple store and an awesome candy store while at the mall. I ended up buying a small bag of gummy candy (mini gummy bears,striped gummi bears, and some mini sour worms). Finally we headed over to a Red Robin that was a couple miles away from the Village Library where the event was going to take place at 7. We met up with our friends Erin and Kate and had a nice dinner (I had my usual Banzai Burger and Freckled lemonade). We even kinda celebrated Erin's birthday while there (even though technically her birthday is today.She got a free birthday sundae).

Finally we carpooled back to the library for the main event: MAUREEN! It was so awesome! Maureen mentioned both Travis and I and how we had all gone GoKarting. It was funny because she joked around with the fact that Travis beat her saying she wasn't going to talk to him and stuff. She also commented on my valiant effort which was nice. She told a little about herself and answered questions. I filmed the entire talk and will be uploading it to my personal YouTube channel. Afterwards, she signed books and we got to take pictures. And then that was that. We headed back to Norman and I stayed the night with my friend Kate and then drove back this morning.

All in all it was just an awesome day. I needed something like this. I just needed to get away and spend time with friends. Maureen is just awesome and I'm so glad I got to meet her. I'm still in awe of the fact that I got to go GoKarting with her! AHH!!
I'm sure this won't be the last time I get to meet her since I'm working on being a youth librarian. If I'm lucky enough, I hope to someday be able to be like Emily and get to invite authors and hang out with them. Like she's said, "I love my job!" and I hope to someday say the same.

BEDA Day 5: Crafty and Knotty!

Today my main thing has been making 2 Hogwarts house bracelets for my friends that I will be seeing tomorrow. One is a Gryffindor bracelet and the other Hufflepuff. I've already made a Ravenclaw bracelet for my 3rd friend and I have one of each Hogwarts House bracelets for myself although these are the early, basically, prototype ones. The ones I've been making recently are better quality wise and color wise. The colors now resemble more closely the actual colors.

What I basically do is tie knots in a pattern to create a bracelet. I've known how to make the basic striped bracelet for some time but one day I found a book in the library and discovered an array of new, more complex patterns. This led to a search on the Internet and I found even more patterns and have even created my own. Ever since then, I've been making various bracelets out of embroidery floss. In a search on a forum, I discovered some Harry Potter patterns but they required a lot of work which I didn't really have time for then. However, that led me to think of a way to make some sort of Harry Potter bracelets. By then I'd already learned how to do alphabet patterns and decided to make Hogwarts House bracelets that way. I just use the house colors for each to make the bracelets spell out the house name.

I made one for a friend as a request after she saw mine that I'd worn while at a Wrock concert. I decided to make some for my other friends as well. I've also made one for each of the fiveawesomegirls and was planning to send them as a farewell/Christmas present but never did and still haven't (I really need to get on that). All this has made me consider selling them in an Etsy shop. People love Harry Potter related merchandise and I'm sure they'd be quite popular especially with the upcoming release of the final movie (*tear*). I'm seriously considering this especially with the fact that I have more free time.

So that's what I've been busy doing today. It's a bit sad because making the bracelets makes me think about the fact that the last movie is quickly approaching. Like I've said, I'm happy but also sad. Harry Potter is my childhood and my life practically. I was there for the book releases at midnight and for most of the movie releases. Now it all comes down to this. One final movie release at midnight. While I know that Harry Potter will continue to live on, it's hard to think of that right now.

BEDA Day 4: Maureen Johnson, HPDH1, and other (not-so) exciting stuff

OMG OMG OMG!! Ok so two big things I'm really excited about are happening this month and in fact one of them is happening on WEDNESDAY!! On Wednesday I'll be driving to Oklahoma City to see the one and only MAUREEN JOHNSON!! I'm so excited! I can't wait!
Meeting Maureen Johnson is hopefully going to be just as epic as it was meeting Hank and John Green of the Vlogbrothers. Honestly, there is just the whole thing of meeting people IRL you only know online that's exciting. It's mindblowing in itself. I mean even meeting Lauren and Kristina of the fiveawesomegirls was incredible and they were just playing music. Still though. There's just something about IRL vs. URL (online). It just makes it more real when you see them in person. Honestly, I'm so excited to meet Maureen Johnson and see what she is really like. I mean online, she's incredibly funny. I hope this is true in person.

The other awesome thing about seeing MJ (as we call her on twitter!) is that I'll also be seeing my awesome Oklahoma friends who I haven't seen physically since December. I love my awesome Oklahoma friends so much and it really bothers me that I can't seem to find any awesome friends like them here. We've been doing a video collab project this year which has been pretty awesome so I still see them. But on Wednesday, I'll get to spend time with them before, during, and after we see MJ. We're all going to go see her together and I'm sure we'll all be sharing footage on our channel during the next week. So in addition to meeting a famous Young Adult author, I'll also get to hang out with my awesome friends.

So the next exciting thing I want to talk about is the fact that next Friday, April 15th, the first part of Deathly Hallows is released on Blu-ray and DVD. OMG! I'm so freakin' excited and I plan to buy it either the day it comes out or the next day. I know I should probably wait since they might be releasing a big set or 2 Disc combo of last movie after the final part has left theaters (sadness). But being the Harry Potter nerd that I am, I still am going to get the Blu-ray/DVD combo anyway. I can't wait until the last part is released. Especially since I plan on having an epic Movie marathon before July 15th from 1st movie to 7th movie part 1. It wouldn't work if I didn't have the 7th movie part 1 to begin with. So that's the other thing I'm really excited about. I've been wanting to watch the movie again and I'll finally be able to! Although it makes the fact that the last part will be released into theaters and the ending of the whole Harry Potter life as I know it more real. It's a rollercoaster of emotions. I know that I'm excited for the last movie but also sad. I was sad when the books ended but at least I still had the movies and now I won't have that. It's crazy to think that life as I know it ends on July 15th.

Anyway, those are two things coming up that I'm really really excited about. My day was less than exciting but not that that's new. I got up fairly early so I could wait for the Pest Control guy to come for his monthly treatment and then I went to Walmart to get groceries for the week. I also picked up some lunch at McDonald's while I was there. Other than that,just the usual watching TV and doing stuff on the internet. I was actually kinda bored today. I should (could) have done homework but as usual I didn't. Just not motivated enough I guess. I need to though and I will.

That's all I have for Day 4 of BEDA. I'll leave with this: MJ in OKC on Wednesday! :)

BEDA Day 3: So Yeah.

Today's post will be relatively short mostly because I have not a clue as to what to talk about. So yeah.

Basically today (like many other days) has been pretty uneventful. I've been really tired today so I slept quite a lot. I went to be late last night and then woke up at 7 but went back to sleep until 8:30. I wanted to be up relatively early to go to a Pancake breakfast sponsored by the Knights of Columbus for the church. They have a breakfast at least once a month at their hall. So I went and had some yummy pancakes and sausage. I came back and went back to sleep for a few more hours because I was still tired. I finally woke up and felt more awake than I did. Didn't really do anything else for the rest of the day though. I watched movies on ABCFamily (Monster's Inc. and Ratatouille). I took a nap this afternoon too (as I said, I was just really tired today). Woke up and started working on my homework that was due tonight while I watched more movies on ABCFamily (same ones as earlier but mostly I just listened as they're movies I've seen numerous times already). I had some leftover shrimp spaghetti for dinner. Now I'm just doing stuff on the Internet. I'm actually going to go to bed early tonight. I say that a lot and usually it doesn't happen but tonight I will. I have to be up and ready for when the pest control guy comes to spray. Also, I plan to go to Walmart tomorrow and get groceries.


Somedays I wish I could just spend the whole day in bed. The thing is though, I don't know if I could actually do it. But who knows? Anyway, yeah that was my day. Boring but what else. Like I said, fairly short blog because of it.

On an exciting note, I'll be heading to OKC to see MAUREEN JOHNSON on Wednesday (and my friends) and I can't wait!

So yeah. That's all folks for BEDA Day 3.