BEDA Day 14: Problem Child? and the Writer has (semi) returned

So recently I've felt as though I've become a bit of a problem child of sorts.Not necessarily a child who causes problems but more like a child who has a lot of problems. I just seem to have developed a lot of issues (as I've already pointed out in previous blog posts) I just seem to be a big mess of problems that I'm honestly not quite sure how my counselor manages to keep up with it all especially since I can't. I don't know where all these problems have come from all of a sudden. Perhaps they've always been there. They just seem to have escalated as the years have gone by. Maybe the problems I had as a kid, have just evolved into something else. Regardless, I still feel like I'm a mess and like I just have a mixture of problems that I can't even begin to sort through on my own. That's why I'm glad that I'm having someone else help me sort them out. After what happened yesterday, I've felt really ridiculous and I still do. I know my fear is extreme and it's a bit ridiculous how I react but I can't seem to help it. I hate to say it but I feel like I've become a bit of a crazy person. I feel like I'm going mad.

The Mad Hatter: "Have I gone mad"
Alice: "I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."


At least I can be proud of one thing, at least I recognize when I've needed help with things like this and I'm reaching out for it.

In other news, I think my writing is back. It's a bit early to tell still but it's definitely promising. Earlier this week, I took a walk around the UNT campus as suggested by my counselor. While on campus, I took some notes on my observations. Today I turned those observations into an actual writing. I guess I could describe it as a narrative of sorts. After being in my apartment for most of the morning while I did some laundry, I needed to get out for awhile so I went to the library. (I also had some things that were due today that I needed to turn in) While I was at the library, I got to writing about my adventure. I actually wrote too. It wasn't a laptop. I actually had a notebook and a pencil and actually wrote (which I haven't done in quite some time). It was awesome. I got involved in my writing that I could have gone on for awhile but since I was doing this as an assignment of sorts, I tried to limit it to at least a page (front and back). After I finished that, I was so into the writing that I started on a poem for both a contest and for my collab channel. I think my writing or actual writing is back. I loved writing and for awhile, I didn't think about my problems. The way my hand flow across the page forming the words as they flowed from my mind. I've missed it and it makes me wonder why I haven't written more lately. I enjoyed it. Maybe this is the beginning for me. A new beginning.