Tonight I was sitting in church and I was practically surrounded by families with babies and young children. I had one in the pew behind me and one sitting right next to me (families I mean). Looking at them made me think of some things. One thing it made me think of was that I know people who are the same age or a little younger than me that have kids already.It's weird for me to picture them with kids. I realize that we're all adults now and everything but it still is a bit weird for me. I know of several other people close to my age that are getting married. It's just weird for me to think about this stuff and picture it because it's not something I'm looking at for my life right now. Right now I'm focused on finishing my degree and getting my career going before I even begin dating and such.
Which makes me think about my future. I would love to meet someone and get married and have a family but I can't even begin to picture something like that. As bad as this may sound, I don't even know what type of guy would fall for a girl like me. Really. I mean when I picture my future guy, I picture him being nerdy like me. I'd love to meet a guy who is also a nerdfighter and we bond over that first as friends and then progress from there. For me, I don't see finding a nerdy guy to be so much of a problem. In fact, I can't even really see my future guy NOT being a nerd.
I can't even begin to picture me getting married either or even having kids. Despite the fact that I love kids and want to someday have a couple, I can't see myself as being a mother. I know things change when you have a baby, but I still can't picture myself being a mother. I mean I can't even deal with throw up well now, how will I ever put up with it when my future kids get sick?
Then there is the thing that if I do have kids there is a chance they'll be just like me in regards to family. Meaning they may only ever know one set of grandparents if they are lucky (most likely my future husband's) Also like me, there will be a big age gap between their cousin (my nephew) and them. My nephew is already 12! When I was born there was an 11 year age difference between me and the next youngest cousins (fraternal twins, boy and girl. Also my brother is the same age as they are). There is an even bigger age gap between me and my cousins on my dad's side. It's weird to think about things like that but it's how it'll be.
Sometimes I even wonder if I ever will meet someone and eventually get married and have kids. It's something I would love to happy and hope happens but at the same time, there's that chance it may not happen. When I think about that, it makes me think if I would be happy if I never met someone. What things would be like? I can't picture this either. As far as everything goes, I don't see a foreseeable future and really maybe that's part of my problems recently.
If you haven't figured it out by now from previous blog postings and such. My mind is a strange place. I seem to always be thinking about things. Strange things at times. Also because it has so many thoughts, my blogs tend to be kinda long. Like this one is.
And there you have it. Day 2 of BEDA, done. Musings of my mind. Hope you enjoyed it.
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