I'm already feeling the stress that comes with the end of the semester. I have a Subject Cataloging Exam that opened Friday and was originally due yesterday but was extended until tomorrow. Then on Sunday Lesson 13 is due (a discussion post and assessment). It wasn't even opened until Monday. Then on Tuesday, May 1, the Final Project opens. I also have my Final Practicum paper due on May 3rd. Already I have a bunch of things due and a short time to do them all in. It wouldn't be so hard but I also have company here and we have some plans to do some things. I'm just trying to get everything done in time.
I know it comes as no surprise to anyone but Grad school is actually really challenging. Not to mention extremely stressful at times. I knew it was going to be and yet I still wanted to do it. A graduate degree has just been something I've wanted to go after for quite some time.
I was ready to accept the challenge of Grad school. It was already hard enough from the beginning due to the simple fact that I had to deal with moving to a whole new school and new place. That certainly didn't make things any easier to deal with.
I don't know why I thought going into Library Science was going to be easy for me. I mean, it's still graduate school so it's going to be challenging. I don't really think I thought it was going to be necessarily easy for me but I guess I also just think it would be quite as challenging as it's been. I mean by the time I applied for Grad school, I'd already decided that I didn't want to be a teacher and I already had library experience. I felt like maybe my library experience would come in handy and while it has, there's also been a lot more to learn.
Not that I didn't expect to learn. I mean I don't know all there is to know about libraries and even as I'm nearing the end of my degree program, I still don't know. I guess I don't know quite what I expected. I know I didn't really expect it to be nearly as challenging or as stressful as it's been but then again, I don't know what I did expect. After all it is grad school which is already just more advanced.
You know people go into grad school knowing that they are going to be tested and challenged. That things are going to be a lot harder than they were for Undergrad. You're adding at least 2 more years of studies; more depending on your degree and as for a Doctorate (which I'm not going for) at least 4 more years after you get an Undergrad. The short of it is, Graduate school isn't something you take on lightly.
It's also something not a great amount of people take on. After all, how many people want to add 2 or more years of serious studying under their belts after already being in college for at least 4 years? Not to mention the fact that many degrees require intense research and thesis papers or extensive exams. It's certainly no picnic.
I don't regret my choice to go to grad school at all. I just didn't expect it to be quite as stressful as it has been. I've had more breakdowns while in grad school than I ever did as an Undergrad. I've been more frustrated and stressed out as well.
I'll admit that even as an Undergrad and even before that, I've been frustrated and broken down over assignments. While I am quite intelligent, that hasn't made school all that much easier for me. I've struggled and somehow Imade it through. But nothing has compared to how tough grad school has been at times. Yes, there have been times where I felt a particular course was easier for me but there's been plenty of others that haven't been. I've had my moments where I've felt like giving up.
Grad school is frustrating and it's no wonder why I just finally cracked at the beginning of last semester. The pressure just finally got to me. Add a bunch of other things I was dealing with at the time to the mix and it's really no wonder why I had to seek therapy.
Despite being in therapy since October, I still have those stressed out, frustrated beyond belief, ready to give-up, and emotional breakdown moments. I had one of those quite recently over my confusion of the Library of Congress Classification system (which I still don't fully understand).
At first I thought my reactions to stress and frustration over particularly difficult assignments have been a bit extreme but I've been told otherwise by my therapist. After our session on Thursday, I've realized that maybe it's not as extreme as I've thought. She told me she's felt this way about assignments and so has many others. One of my Oklahoma friends was stressing over a presentation recently and I'm almost certain she's felt the same way I have. It's really more common than I realized, I guess. It just gives you evidence of how tough Graduate school really is.
It does make me wonder though if more graduate students seek counseling for ways of dealing with stress. It wouldn't surprise me though.
Grad school is a whole different beast than Undergrad was. My last year of Undergrad work was certainly challenging enough. In fact the Fall semester of my Senior year, was the semester from hell (excuse my language here but it's actually the best description I can give). Despite being warned ahead of time by advisor, it still wasn't enough to prepare me. I had a nervous breakdown and ended up seeking counseling in order to get me thru the rest of the semester. Only once did I ever seek counseling during my time as an Undergrad.
In comparison, I've sought counseling 3 times since being in Grad school. Twice for short-term counseling and once for long-term therapy (although it could be considered only twice since the 2nd time I was referred to the clinic for long-term therapy). The challenges of grad school are just one aspect of my problems. They haven't made my life any easier though.
Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it all the stress and frustration.. Of course I put a lot of pressure on myself as well. But then I think how I'm almost finished with my degree and how exciting that is.
I've accomplished something that not everyone does. At least this time, I feel as though I'm finally going after something that I enjoy. That fact makes it all worth it.
Graduate school can be challenging but it'll all be worth it in the end.
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