Lately I've been thinking about my personal beliefs versus my religious beliefs. I've said before how I'm a somewhat religious person but not overly religious. In fact, I'd say that I'm not nearly as religious as some other people would be. For instance, when I was at Oklahoma State and hung out with a bunch of other students at the church I went to, I always felt that those people were way more religious than I was. Similarly here with the Young Adult groups. I feel like the other individuals are way more into our religion than I am. I would go to retreats (at OSU) and participate in church events but somehow I always felt a bit like I didn't belong (story of my life). During adoration they would be so focused on prayer and some would have their bibles and be writing things down. I would just be there praying and reflecting but I felt like I was missing something. Something that the other individuals understood and I didn't.
I believe in most things that my religion teaches but I can't say that I agree with everything. I feel like I believe in most of the important things. The things that matter. I'll admit that I'm not the perfect person of my religion. Some of the things I should practice regularly I don't. I go to church pretty regularly (I occasionally don't go to mass I'll admit) and I say a prayer before meals. I try to live my life the way I've been taught religiously at least somewhat.
However, there are some things that I believe in that my religion doesn't exactly believe in. It makes me feel like I'm a bad person for believing in some of these things. Like believing in such things makes me less religious or like I'm rejecting my religious beliefs or something like that.
There are also some health things that medical science says are "normal" or acceptable but there are issues when it comes to my particular religion. Science says these things are "normal" but they are frowned upon in my religion. Certain practices and beliefs and such.
Believing the things I do when my particular religion doesn't makes me feel like I'm such a bad person at times. I feel like it marks me somewhat. Like if I don't practice all the beliefs my religion teaches then I won't reach the promised land.
I believe I'm a good person and try to do good. I try to be the best person I can be. It's who I am. I know I'm not expected to be perfect and I don't try to be. Sometimes I do feel like I'm a bit of a hypocrite though. Particularly when it comes to my religion. Like I do the opposite of what I was taught. Which isn't really so.
I guess I'm just conflicted. I feel like some of the things I feel strongly about or believe in make me looked down upon or like I'm a less religious person because of them. I wish I could talk to some people who feel the same way as I do. Particularly those in my religion. I don't believe I'm alone in my thoughts but sometimes I feel that way.
I purposely am being vague on what religion I am in this blog post simply because I don't want anyone to judge me on that. I don't want people to tell me what I believe is wrong (although I didn't mention anything) because my religion says it is. Basically, I'm just expressing my thoughts in a generalized manner to avoid conflict or people feeling uncomfortable. I don't want to compromise anyone else's beliefs either.
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