I've already stated this fact (see title) on Tumblr, Facebook, and Twitter. I'm just emotionally drained at this point. Today has just been insane on my emotions. It wasn't planned that way but it was. Be advised this post is likely going to be quite long. I have a lot to say about my day.
So to start off, I had a therapy session today like I normally do on Tuesdays.
Today's session (like so many before) was a rough one. I got emotional and broke down. Not that this is new or anything. I tend to break down at least once during every session so far. However, today we touched on some subjects that just were difficult and had a lot of emotions tied to them. I've made progress and continue to do so. It's certainly helped me a lot being in therapy although sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be ok without it.
Anyways, so I was feeling a lot of emotion at the end of today's session. I was a little bit down thinking about what we had discussed today. Part of me still felt like breaking down again. Just getting it all out. However, I didn't. I thought about doing so but tried to resist at least until I got home. I even started to listen to my "Don't Give Up" playlist; a playlist I designed for me to just think and cry and whatever I needed to feel better and keep going. But then I decided what I really needed was happy music; something to cheer me up and so I listened to happy, dancing type music instead and it did cheer me up.
Once I got back to my apartment however things changed quickly in terms of the weather. Today is also my parents anniversary. So right after I got in, I got online to get them a gift card for Chili's before I made lunch. Well almost as soon as I had bought the card, I decided to check on the weather and noticed Denton was under a tornado watch. Already I was getting nervous. I've only ever had to deal with possible tornado activity once before back in Oklahoma. Well actually it was almost every time there was a severe thunderstorm but only once has it been a real threat. A tornado did touch down close to Stillwater once and that warranted a tornado warning for about 15 minutes. Not exactly a pleasant experience then.
Anyway, I was already getting nervous when I happened to read on Tumblr about a tornado on the ground in the Dallas area. Then another one of my friends posted something on Twitter and I just FREAKED OUT! I noticed that my cable box had an EAS on it meaning an emergency alert so I turned on the TV to the weather channel (after the alert was over) and sure enough they were covering the tornado. They kept saying stuff about it moving but because I'm don't know my geography I wasn't exactly sure how close or far I was away from the storm threat. All I know is that I live in the Central part of Denton but other than that, I didn't exactly know in regards to the storm. The more I watched the weather coverage the more nervous I got. Then a weather alert came for a Severe Thunderstorm Warning. I started trying to figure out where I would go in case the Tornado Watch turned into a warning. The only place I had in my apartment was my small coat closet. I found my bike helmet and gathered a flashlight and a few things and was trying to prepare myself if I needed to seek shelter. I even closed my curtains (like that was going to help much) and turned off many of my power outlets. I kept really close to my laptop with the weather channel page up and my TV on.
Another alert came on, this time it was for a Tornado Warning. If I wasn't freaked out enough, at this point it skyrocketed. I was so nervous and freaked out that I was shaking. I still didn't hear any of the warning sirens though so I figured I was still ok. Sure enough, the warning quickly passed. At this point I was so nervous that I'd almost forgotten about eating lunch but I had already toasted some bread for a sandwich and figured I'd at least try to eat something so I made a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich and tried to eat while I waiting to see what would happen next. I had basically made preparations for taking shelter in my closet but kept waiting until it was certain. Another alert for a tornado warning, I tried to check online but my internet was working slow so I just unplugged my computer and watched the TV for more information. Again, the alert passed. My mom called and asked how the storms were. I was so freaked out by this point and didn't know what to do. I was on the point of breaking down because I was so freaked out. I was shaking!! She told me to head to the library so I'd at least be around some people who knew me. At first she suggested the Central library which is closest to me. When I told her I was expected to go in at 4 to the North Branch to help with a program she told me to just get ready and go over there instead so I did. All this excitement had taken place within about the hour and a half since I'd returned home; from 1:00 to 2:30ish.
I did what my mom suggested. I changed into my work clothes, gathered my backpack (I'd packed a a few things in case of an emergency. Namely a flashlight and a small kit I bought a few years ago), and drove to the library (the tornado warning had once again passed for the time being). Once I got to the library at around 2:45ish, I automatically felt safer. After another phone call to my mom, I headed inside. I noticed the branch manager and another staff member outside the building keeping on eye on the sky and talked to them for a little while before I went inside. I went to the reference desk area and saw the Teen Librarian and the YS Library Assistant there. They were also monitoring the weather on their computers. I told them why I was there and they didn't mind. Just being there made me feel better. Just being around people I knew and just being in a library itself seems to calm me.
I just sat in some chairs near the reference desk and just tried calming myself down. Not too long after I'd arrived, the Teen Librarian received an email from the city saying that they were going to turn on the sirens as a precaution. The storm was quickly approaching and developing and they weren't sure what it was going to do so better to be safe than sorry. The sirens started going off and the library staff went around to usher everyone into the back area where it was safe. I helped out with this. There was actually a good amount of people when everyone finally was safe. I had already pretty much calmed down by this point. Still a little nervous but not as bad. They explained we were in the back for precautionary reasons and we all just waited for an all clear. We were there for about 10-15 minutes when the all clear came. I just hung around the library for awhile. The staff had told us all about the possibility of a second front coming and having to repeat this "drill". It never came but I felt safer at the library anyways plus it wasn't going to do me much good to leave and come back.
I finally managed to calm all the way down and realized how exhausted I was. I was emotionally drained already but still had to help out with a program which turned out not to take place. I had a strong feeling no one would show because of the weather and I was correct. It's one of our weekly programs and we usually only have a couple of kids show up to it anyways.
So that was pretty much my excitement for the day. It's been one crazy and emotional day for me. It's good that I have a couple of days off to relax and recover.
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